That's Right...

...this man has a milk crate on his head. It was his chosen disguise to rob a convenience store.

High marks for creativity. Higher marks for being one of the greatest things I've ever seen.

To Those That Remain.

My apologies to anyone who might still be coming by here every now and then looking for an update - I have numerous things I want to write, and a few drafts just sitting around, but other things have had my attention lately. My putting off of school has given me quite a bit of time to waste, or spend outside the walls of my room doing other things I enjoy but haven't had the time for. However, that break from a regular schedule of schoolwork also lends itself to many nights of long hours catching up.

Anyway - I just wanted to let whomever might still be bearing with me know that there will soon be something new here...and, hopefully, the new will continue to come. But, it might be a bit of a wait (and so, by soon, I mean to ask for everyone to hold on).

Until I am able to bring anything here - please take a chance to read this article from Relevant. I don't have the time to write about it now, but it reflects a lot of things that have been on my heart lately - things that God is continually showing me and pointing me to.

Paul in Athens

Four Things.

Four Jobs I’ve Had:
- Network Analyst
- Customer Service Representative
- I.S. Volunteer
- Gospel Steward

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
- To pick only 4 movies is unpossible.

Four Places I’ve Lived:
- KY

Four TV Shows I Watch:
- Dirty Jobs
- MythBusters
- Gilmore Girls
- Smallville

Four Places I’ve Vacationed:
- Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, TN
- Virginia Beach, VA
- Myrtle Beach, SC
- Atlanta, GA

Four Foods I Love:
- Papa John's (Pepperoni Pizza)
- White Castle (Fish Sandwich, Chicken Rings, Fries)
- Applebee's (Bacon Cheeseburger or House Sirloin)
- Common Grounds (Coffee)

Four Sites I Visit Daily
- MySpace
- digg
- Google Options
- RSS Feeds

Four Albums I Can’t Live Without:
- As with movies, I can't pick just 4 albums.

Four Places I’d Rather Be:
- Traveling
- Common Grounds
- Church
- Bed

Four Random Items in Pockets:
- Wallet
- Keys
- Paper (Notes, Receipts, Etc.)
- Hands (Mine)

I'm Such A Geek.

I logged into MySpace tonight to check up on messages/whatever and was greeted with my current number of profile views:

If you get this, or think it's as funny as I did, you are a geek, too.

I've Got Nothing...

...particularly interesting to talk about, really. I've been doing some reflecting lately (what's new?) and I realized that I am actually a pretty horrible friend - contrary to what I originally believed. I mean, for all intents and purposes I am available, loving, willing to help, etc. - but I realized that I have been very distant from some people in my life recently that I really care for. There aren't really any excuses for this either. I have been busy with school lately - but then there has also been a lot of time that I have either simply wasted or delegated to some other purpose that I could have used to call/talk to people that I haven't had much contact with in weeks or months.

I am incredibly talented when it comes to being a hermit. I enjoy having a social life - hanging out with my friends, going out, etc. - but there are also times where I am totally fine with staying at my house for long periods of time - having no contact with anyone but my parents and my computer. Unfortunately, when I get in this habit - a lot of the people I love tend to suffer (or, not - depending on how they value my presence in their life).

Anyway - that aside - everything seems to be going well in my life. Still learning, growing, and struggling (wish I could take care of that last one). We are finally becoming a group on Wednesdays - and I think our honesty has been a big part of that. I understand the reasons behind keeping some things from the people you lead (after all, these guys aren't my accountability partners) - but the more we have shared with them, cared for them, loved them, and spurred them - the more open they have become and the closer we get. Out of the 10 guys we have signed up right now - 3 have been amazing. I know 30% is failing - but if we were able to connect with even just one of our guys and help move him closer to Jesus - there is NO failure there.

Things are good. Overall. Not perfect by any measure (due in part to some monumental shortcomings in my life) - but certainly a lot of things are coming together. Hopefully these things will allow me to be the man I need and desire to be, and will let me be a blessing to others.

Time will tell.

It Seems I'm A Colonel.

A few days ago I got the obligatory yellow card in my mailbox letting me know that a large package was waiting for me at the post office. I was busy, so I didn't have a chance to check immediately - but I assumed it was either my information from Compassion International or my Linux CDs I ordered...both of which could wait a couple days while I finished all the work I had stored for myself this week.

Today I actually ended up waking at a semi-reasonable hour and figured I should go ahead and pick up whatever package was waiting for me. Heading to the post office I was eager to see what present I had in store, but I had no idea what it would be.

That's right - someone out there nominated me for the honorary title of Kentucky Colonel. It seems Kentucky must not know too much about me, though, considering they approved it :)

In all seriousness - this is a great surprise and I am looking forward to learning more about the organization and seeing what I can do to be a valuable member to it. If you'd like more information, click here to go to their main site. My thanks to whomever is responsible for this - although I have a sneaking suspicion who it might be.

I'm Heading To Toronto.

Linux Caffe - Main Site
Linux Caffe - Pictures

This is totally cool. The more I get involved with Linux, the more I love it. I am still very much a beginner, but I am enjoying this whole process of learning, experimenting, and having fun. And, this little place puts two of my favorite things in the same place - coffee and technology.

I think it would be great to have some sort of cyber café here locally. The demand probably wouldn't be too high (hence it's absence) but I know that I would totally love to make it my new hangout. I love the atmosphere of coffee houses - the ones with hardwood floors, ambient lighting, awesome beverages, music, and cool people (e.g. Common Grounds). Add to that people who are into tech and you've got yourself one extra customer.

I'm still not entirely sure what God has in plan for my life. I think I get it every now and then, and I've certainly been wrong at least a few times - but if he's into using my passion (Him) teamed with my favorite things (tech, photography, coffee, music) then we might just have a match somewhere.

The Purpose Of "Reality."

I was thinking on the existence of God. More specifically, I was trying to pinpoint his exact location here in the universe. I always had the notion that he was above me, somewhere up in the clouds, floating around in space like a cable television satellite. I've also had the image of him literally "holding the world in his hands" - this amazing giant of a being using some forceful power to keep all the cosmos running - somewhat detached from it, but the most important part of it at the same time.

And then, I think I hit on a much better idea for me. God permeates all things - like an invisible layer...a mighty film over everything, everywhere, all the time. Except, this transparency or invisibility is not his nature - it is merely a by-product of our current situation. See, to me, it makes a whole lot more sense if the spiritual - the God - is actually a bit more real than our physical real.

We think of the soul in American culture (and maybe elsewhere) and this little Casper floating around inside our body. Where he finds the room with all our organs is beyond me. Maybe the psychologists and philosophers have it nailed down with the notion that our soul is our invisible being - the personification of who we are in a non-flesh way - our thoughts, our emotions, etc.

I'm thinking it's more of a shell - a container. Very real, very important...but not the end-all be-all.

In Christianity (and maybe other theologies) there is this notion of the "construction" of man - spirit, soul, body. The spirit is spirit - I can't think of a better way to put it. And then there is a covering for that spirit, our soul...which is a unique holder of this spiritual essence and reality. On top of the soul is flesh, our body - holding the soul and, in turn, the spirit.

Our current state of reality - our senses, our bodies - these seem very temporary to me. They are a fleeting way of holding things together for people who just aren't ready to experience the spiritual. While everything is being worked out to establish the true reality, we sit here in our common reality like a person waits in a waiting room.

This may all be terribly obvious for some people - but that's what an early morning will often do to me.

Thaddeus (And The Gospel Highway).

I am not worthy of the life that Jesus has given me. I can't accurately convey what that means to me, and although I often am very good at making "my" life about me - I am a pitiful, dirty sinner. What makes this unfathomable is that Jesus, through means I might never understand, looks at me and calls me His saint. Because of Christ, I am clean, whole, alive, holy.

What's more - even with these amazing gifts I manage to screw things up. He has made things very clear, and actually very simple, about what I am to do with this new life. I fail - time and time again. Yet, somehow, in His great mercy He actually blesses me when I fail...and even when I happen to do something right - I end up leaving fuller and better for having been in His presence while He worked.

All this to say that I have had an amazing two days. I feel like I might have actually been living life here for one of the first times.

My friend and I, accompanied by another acquaintance, made a trek this evening to our local coffee house. Monday nights = open mic night, so we thought we'd go up to check out the sights and sounds (my friend had also met some people previously that normally play Mondays). As we were sitting there, just relaxing, my friend looked over - saw a guy sitting by himself - and invited him over to our table. Little did I know, in my uneasiness as he came to sit, that this man would show me a lot more about Jesus than most people I know in my church.

We were all able to sit there for a little over an hour hearing this man's story, learning who he was, where he came from, what his life was all about. In a small way - it wasn't about us at all when he spoke - and it was amazing in those moments. He ended up taking the stage and performed two great folk songs for us - the second called "The Outlaw" that I, honestly, wish I had right now to listen to over and over again. It wasn't amazing music - it wasn't anything that people would go crazy over (most of the people in the shop were into their own things)...but it was amazing. People were sitting there totally oblivious to everything they were missing. They went to their drinks, their laptops, their conversations and totally missed life happening right on the stage.

I have no idea what our words meant to this man. All I know is that Jesus was again present - for the second glorious night in a row - in the most humble, sincere way possible. I left that coffee house tonight a better person for having been there, supremely blessed although I did not earn it nor deserve it.

And in all these words I cannot express what all happened. I cannot give enough thanks. I cannot summarize life.

Hopefully I'll see some of you in a coffee house one time and we can sit down together and just talk. We can get to know each other. We can leave this world behind for something that can be great.

Maybe someday you and I can have coffee with Jesus.

I Might Just...

...have faith in some people after all.

Service tonight has absolutely amazing. It was probably one of the most spiritual experiences I have had since I started attending about a year ago. We spent a lot of time in silence, reading words off the screen to ourselves, praying, reflecting...and although I normally get a bit wigged out by this (definitely did a bit at Passion '05/'06) it was actually great, looking back now. There was a time, while the congregation sang "Stand in Awe" that I felt such an amazing weight lifted off of me - I seriously felt like I was floating into the rafters. As the voices of the people singing rang out - there was such an aura, an ambience - and I swore that if I opened my eyes I would see heaven...I have never heard sound like that before.

Jesus was there tonight. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that He was in our midst. When we took communion - it was exactly as I've always wanted it. Everyone went and got the bread and juice, returned to their seats - and waited. Total silence. Then the words from Matthew came across the screen and we had time to reflect on what these small items in our hands represented. Again, for probably the first time since I started back to church - communion meant something. I heard Jesus' talking. I understood (to a point) what everything meant. I said "Thank you" about a hundred times. I couldn't stop.

I'm still a pessimist. That won't change overnight. And I am still bitter about a lot of the stuff that goes on in this world. I'm also really sad that there are SO many people who might never experience this...night. But I had actual hope tonight. If God will take a person like me, with my sin and shame and everything ugly about me, and love me...then I'm on board. He can do amazing things.

I wish everyone could have been there tonight. I wish everyone could see Jesus - the real Jesus...the non-hype Jesus, the not-what-that-Christian-told-you-He-was Jesus. I wish I could see that Jesus. Savor Him, love Him, know Him.

"And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." (John 17:3)

Help us know you, Lord.

Ps.73:25-28

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

Be Careful Everyone.

I've been working with computers for as long as I can remember. While I would never go so far as to claim to be an expert in the field - I have certainly been around things electronic for a large portion of my life. I enjoy technology - professionally and personally. Naturally, I would love for others to enjoy this, too. But, there are so many people out there who are uninterested, or worse, lackadaisical about their approach to computer use. They either don't know enough to operate a machine correctly, or worse, don't care.

So I post today to let everyone know (especially those mentioned above) that the technology world is not all fun and games - and your leisurely stole onto the internet isn't as safe as you think.

Invasion of the Computer Snatchers -

While a bit of a long read, this article hits on a topic that is all too common on today's web - the proliferation of spyware/adware and the threat of identity theft. Unfortunately, it is all too easy for a computer to be compromised if the user does not take security seriously - and the effects can be as "light" as performance issues to as dangerous as computer spoofing and identity theft.

Don't Let Your Computer Be Hijacked -

This article goes through a few steps that I think every person should take to keep their computer safe from common attacks.

Neither of these articles are meant to be scare tactics to convince a person to yank out their connection to the internet. Instead, they are meant to inform the casual to intermediate user who might not have thought much about the reality of internet threats.

Better Than Sports.

While I understand it makes some people a bit awkward (even myself, depending on how it's done) - I think it is amazing when a person who is very much in the public light will share their faith. I didn't get a chance to catch any news about this, but I found these articles that seem to sum it up pretty well. This girl seems to have her priorities straight and isn't afraid to let people know how precious Jesus is to her.

Victory found elsewhere

Refuse to hide faith

Where's Everyone Going?

Over the past month or so I have seen numerous people leave our church. It started off with our executive minister deciding to move to Colorado, to pursue a senior minister position at an up-and-coming church that could, actually, really use him. Then, one of the production team members decided to leave his position to become a police officer. Last week, a close friend of mine in the Information Systems department let me know that he and his family will be moving back to Colorado, to be closer to family and pursue things there. And, yesterday afternoon, I got an e-mail sent out from our age-level minister saying they were moving to Seattle to plant a church.

At first, it seems like something weird is going on that so many people would be leaving our church - people who are fundamentally important to various ministries. But, two recent messages delivered at our church shed light on the situation.

The first was a few weeks ago - called "iBucks" - that dealt with stewardship and our role in the kingdom mission. At our 608 service our senior minister was hard pressed to put into the words the extraordinary things God had put on his heart - but our congregation, through the power of the Spirit, understood and ended up singing and shouting and being set on fire with a passion beyond our church walls.

Then, this past week during our executive minister's last message with us, he said how he had actually met someone in Colorado who had been baptized at my church a while back. It just cemented into his mind and heart that we are one body - even if that body is over large geographic areas.

Our church has heard the call to be the body to the world. We have heard the call to bring the Kingdom of God in His power. And, thankfully, we are not letting this passion, desire, and purpose in our lives become compacency and inaction.

I will miss every one of the people who are leaving us - but I do not doubt for one second that each and every one of them are following God to where He wants them. I just hope more of our church silents itself to hear where God wants them (myself included).

Singles Rejoice!

There's no need to be sad if you are "without" this Valentine's Day. A friend of mine on MySpace posted this and the more I reflect upon it, the happier I get. I am loved by Jesus. Loved more than I deserve, and loved more than I can imagine. No matter who you are, single or taken - today can be a day to spend with the one person who's worth every single bit of attention...and deserves to be showered with love and praise. You might be surprised at the love you'd find if you took a look.

May God bless you all with His love today, and everyday after.

Free Geek.

Another discovered article will create today's post. This one is about an group in Portland that takes in old electronic devices and then fixes them to donate (for free) to needy organizations, or breaks down and recycles the components so they don't end up in a landfill. It seems like a relatively good cause to me, and it's tech-related...which is always cool.

Take a look at the article for a write-up/synopsis.

The main page can be reached by clicking this link.

There's also an organization in Columbus, OH that has taken on the "Free Geek creed."

Seems like this might be a nifty idea to spread around. I know there's a group of guys at my church who are qualified enough to take on something like this.

MySpace Goodbye?

I am seriously thinking of leaving the MySpace realm. As of right now the decision is on the table and is being deliberated - but it seems that in short time I might be cancelling my account.

But, why?

I have had my fair share of great experiences using MySpace. I have met some wonderful people, engaged in some serious conversations/debates, and been able to minister to my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ - as well as people who do not know Him. It has been a fun place to hang out, to learn about new bands, and to experience that type of online social community.

Yet it has also been a place where I have wasted countless hours of my life doing absolutely nothing but staring at a screen, or going through profiles, or waiting for my next message or friend request. I have also spent numerous hours (overall) with a plethora of server errors and various other limitations to the MySpace online experience. I got sucked in and couldn't get out - the whole "aura" of MySpace just took me over for a while.

But, now that I have been busy with school and not on as much...it's given me time to focus and to ask some important questions about what I am using my time for. Not that I won't find another thing to use to waste away the hours...but I think it's about that time for MySpace.

Over the next week or so I'm going to go through and message the people I know personally and don't want to lose contact with, giving them my e-mail address and all that so we can still talk. After that - I'm pretty sure it's over.

There have been good times, MySpace, but it's time to part ways.

Flame On.

I found an interesting article in Wired News today (02/13). It was concerned with the seeming inability for people to accurately understand/interpret the mood and intention of online messages (e-mail, IM, etc.). This is very relevant to me because my predominant method of communication is often based online (e-mail for school and church, IM for personal conversations with friends, discussion/chat boards for online community). There have been more times that I can count or remember when I have said something, or heard something, in an online conversation that has had a negative impact - when it was never supposed to. I don't know what measures can be taken to find a solution to this problem - because as widespread and well-used as these systems are, it doesn't seem like there will suddenly be an end to them...so making sure our intentions are accurately laid out is a very important thing.

Check out the article for more info.

I'm Really Tired.

Yes, it's true - I am really tired. And I have to go brush my teeth before I go to bed.

The winter olympics opening ceremony is on right now. It makes me kind of sad to imagine the outrageous amounts of money that must have been spent on just this stuff alone (pyrotechnics, costumes, staffing fees, etc.) I can only imagine - in the hands of a proper steward of God - what kind of difference that amount of money could make in this world. Or, the asinine amounts of money being spent by superbowl advertisers (I heard somewhere around $60,000 a second). I'm sure that could have been used on something much better.

I'm not anti-luxury/comfort/wealth. I am, however, against pissing away money like it means nothing...or like it's even ours to throw at the most ridiculous things. And, for the sake of the "I earned it" or "I've just been blessed" arguments that will stem from either camp, I digress.

Have a good night everyone. It's been snowing for hours here...maybe we'll get some nice accumulation so I can get out and take pictures (for the first time in ages). Oh, but nothing too crazy (as far as roads are concerned) because I do not want to miss church this weekend - our executive minister is speaking his last message with us before he moves away to Colorado.

And now I'm really done. Be blessed.

A Conflict of Interests?

That is correct - you are seeing Tux as the background to my XP machine. For some reason I have this newfound fascination and exuberance towards open source software, specifically Fedora Core 2 (and a bit of Ubuntu) to which I have been working with. I have no idea if this is just my normal act of getting into something heavily and then quickly leaving it behind - or if I will (after a semester full of trouble, learning, and other negative things) still decide to implement open source across my entire network here at the house. Only time will tell, but I am kind of excited about all the stuff I have learned over the past week - even if it isn't extensive, advanced, or spectacular knowledge.

Plus, the penguin is kind of cool :)

Addendum: Found this online - and found it rather funny. (It's animated...so wait and watch it all)

A HREF = Blog Post.

I'm going pretty cheap on the blog crowd for tonight's post. I check out Relevant magazine (online) every now-and-then to see their new articles, as I generally enjoy most of them (and, soon, shall enjoy them in print when my subscription starts).

Anyway - I found a couple interesting articles that I would like to share with you.

1) Show and Tell -

I actually had a conversation with a good friend of mine who happens to be a missionary about this specific article's topic. And, I have also debated (to an extent) another person on the importance of missionaries vs. the rest of God's elect. I'm of the mind that God esteems no man (or woman) greater than another based around their worldly deeds. He chose us based not on our merit/actions/whatever, therefore whatever specific inclination He has us pursue, I don't believe, adds to our charm. I especially like the way this article ends - with something I try everyday (and often fail to do)...putting the spotlight back on Christ. I struggle with pride, and also with being horrible at my Christian "duties" - so it's not only nice to hear that people have my same heart, but that I am not the only person thinking about this.

2) A Community of Un-Devout Sinners -

This is actually another article that hits pretty close to home with me - our (often) inability to be honest people with each other. I love truth and honesty - and have no problem (to an extent...still growing) confessing my sin to other people and being real and direct about what is going on in my life. I have also, recently, learned the importance of being truthful with God. So, again, this article was a great find to show me that other people are concerned about how our churches/communities are both growing indirectly apart from each other by merely skimming the surface of our Christian shells, and creating communities of "seek" environments that are cozy and safe - but never reflecting the original church or the God who bought it on the Cross.

So...take a look at both - and leave some comments with your feelings/thoughts/etc. As I note above, I would love to start hearing from some people...and since I didn't write either of these there is probably something substantial there to discuss. :P

Any Linux Gurus Out There?

Well...as soon as I get done posting this I have to sit in front of my lab computers working on the Fedora Core 2 questions from the 8 labs I was supposed to have completed during this past week. I don't think it's going to be as bad as I was originally planning and - thanks to answered prayer - the due date for the answers and the test over the material has been pushed back one day...so I'll have a bit of time to get this done and work on some other stuff to try and get caught up.

You would think that I would have learned my lesson about procrastination by now - with all the self-induced stress I have placed on myself by having to rush through things I do not understand to get them done in time.

But I haven't.

So, if there happen to be any Linux geniuses out there that read this blog, I would enjoy switching brains with you for the next few months (just until the semester is over...then I'll give it back).

No Money, No Problems.

We had a message at church a few weeks ago called "iBucks." It actually turned out to be almost totally off the subject of money - but one thing I remember from College Café (a group for college-aged students to meet) that morning was a question that was asked:

"If money was not a factor, what would you do for the rest of your life?" (Or, something to that regard).

I don't think it took me too long to come up with what I would love to do - and, God-willing, maybe it will happen one day.

If money was not a factor...I would have a really nice DSLR camera. Not because it's flashy, but because I want to learn more about the art of photography, and a professional camera would allow me a lot of room to grow. Plus, I absolutely love to take pictures...it makes me so happy. And, maybe one day, I'll take a really great picture.

If money was not a factor...I would take my digital camera with me to visit every state in this country (even those two "remote" ones). I would take pictures everywhere I went to just capture the beauty God has created and how diverse it can be from location to location. It would be amazing to see just this small part of the world through a viewfinder - and I would love the opportunity to do so.

If money was not a factor...my camera and I would also visit a lot of coffee shops around the nation. I love sitting in a coffee shop just taking in the atmosphere. If I wasn't feeling introverted that day, I might just spark a conversation with someone. Heck, I might even find the courage to start yammering on about Jesus like I love to do from time to time, all the time.

If money was not a factor...I'd take my guitar with me. It's sitting next to my bed right now in its case - collecting dust. How I would love, like my camera above, to just learn what's possible with that thing. I want to write music. I want to play music. I want to worship God with that guitar.

If money was not a factor...I'd visit some churches. I want to see how other people who are chasing after this big, mysterious, wonderful God live their lives. I want to know what gets preached in this nation. I want to know how and what people like to sing to God. I want to capture in my mind, and also on film (since I've got the camera) everything this widespread body of faith has to offer.

If money was not a factor...I'd take someone with me. I can't do this on my own. And, even if I could - why would I want to? I love community. I love support. I need people there to pray with me and for me. I want people there to be a part of this.

Funny thing is - the more I think about all this - money is not a factor. If I started now, with some little, minimum wage job, I could probably save enough to do all this in under a year. And, if I only spent about a week in each state, I could be right back here in a year. So, two years of my life to accomplish something really big on my heart.

I might just have to look into this.

I Went To Mass Sunday.

And I am convinced now, more than ever before, that the rift between Protestants and Catholics (and, really, most denominations in Christianity) must be fixed. Yes, I will readily admit that I have no desire to convert to Catholicism (err...back to Catholicism) and that there were multiple times during the service that I readily disagreed with what the minister was saying/preaching. BUT, there are numerous things that I respect about the Catholic faith, and several things that I think would add greatly to the overall Christian faith.

Rather than going on about what I disliked - I'll talk about the things I admired. First, their dedication to tradition and ritual is pretty amazing - not much has changed since I last stepped foot in that church (probably) 10-or-so years ago. While I understand too much of that can be a bad thing, I think a healthy dose of tradition and respect for "how things have always been done" make a person feel comfortable in a church. I totally support a relevant, forward-thinking/moving church, but I also believe that we need to be firmly planted on the Rock, with our overall model reflecting the teaching and shape of the original church.

I love how they do communion. The way they lead up to it, the reverence for it, the way everything stops and there is no loud noise, no worship music - just you and the Lord. A time for reflection, and time for rememberence. There have been many times at my church where I just would love some silence and a little more time to take the bread and the juice and just prepare my heart for what I am doing, to take time after to just reflect and pray - and I think the Catholic church does a fairly good job at moving towards that.

Another thing - and this might just be me - I like how they sing the Word. There were a few times where they actually sung passages of the Bible - Psalms, a portion of the Gospel. It was different, and it actually made me reflect on an article I had read from John Piper about the power of song as a weapon against Satan. Plus, I always enjoy God's sons and daughters lifting their voices, so I was glad they took numerous occasions to do so.

Lastly - and this might be the most important thing I noticed, and really do love about the Catholic church - they are God's children. My Lord, my King, my Friend - Jesus - he paid their debt, too. He is waiting in Heaven for them just as readily as He is looking for me. His Spirit, His truth, His life, His fullness resides in them as much as it does me. Yes, I have conflicts with things they say, things they practice - but I have had just as much strife within my own church.

If we have saving faith. If God has called us to be His children - then we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. They are different, but I am the same when looking from their eyes. They make mistakes, they sin - I would be a liar to not acknowledge my own.

So, in that regard I end with the words of the apostle Paul:

"For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another...Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:4-5/9-10 (ESV)

"Hoodwinked"

This movie isn't the next big animation hit. You aren't going to get that polished CGI look that you have become quite used to over the years with the big-budget hits. However, there is a lot to be liked about "Hoodwinked."

Many times during the movie you are treated to some really clever storytelling and dialogue. The characters each have their own quirks that are loveable, and the photographer squirrel(?) was the best part of the film, hands down.

While I believe the way they chose to move between character's tales does a bit to damage the pace of the film, at the end everything does come together in a pretty good way to tie it all in nicely. The end could have been cut a bit shorter, and there were a few scenes where I actually winced - but not so much as to ruin my taste for it altogether.

Keeping it short and sweet - it's definitely not a huge draw. There are even other movies that I might have preferred above this one. All of that said, though, there still is an entertaining feature hidden away...just make sure to catch this at matinee.

Community.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)

Something that is big on my heart, in the realm of Christianity, is community. I think it is a vital part of the walk of faith to do all "facets" together - worship, study, evangelism...

So I have a proposal. There are about 5 to 7 people that I think come to this blog and read the posts I make. And I know every one of you on a personal level - whether I see you regularly, or never at all. What I am suggesting, though, only requires an internet connection and the ability to use e-mail. I think that we should start communicating with each other, at least once a week, to encourage each other in our Christian walks. Send out prayer requests, urge each other to fight the fight, to love, to stay strong until the Day comes.

If this sounds like a good idea to any of you - send me an e-mail message and I will start to set something up. I think this could be a great thing for all of us - and regardless of what we are involved in apart from each other, it never hurts to have more people stand behind you. (And, in case it is not obvious, ANYONE is free to send me an e-mail if they would like to be part of this. Christian or non-Christian, friend or stranger...I (we) will pray for you and walk with you.)

Looking forward to hearing from you.

School Has Lost Its Charm.

I just finished a case study for my Decision Support Systems class. The entire thing was three parts: create three tables, create two special queries, and create a report. I have done every one of those things before, numerous times, with little headache and astonishing success. Tonight, for reasons I may never understand, it took me way longer than I can even figure. Hours.

But now I am caught up in that class, for now, which is great. I might try to work a bit on the next case study if I can - but I have to wait for specific alterations from the book from my instructor. I am about a week ahead in another class, but I want to continue working at this pace to remain ahead in case another class calls my attention. That class might just be my third this semester - Systems Security. I am about a week behind there...lots of reading, two machines to set-up (and two operating systems per machine). It will, I imagine, be a long weekend. And beginning of next week.

But - aside from school - I am pretty happy. Things seem to be going relatively well on my end. I have a few faith things I am really trying to work out with God, or let Him work out in me, whichever way seems best for Him. But I'm not gonna focus too much effort or anxiety upon that - just hopefully a bit more study and casual reading with some people I consider great peers - Paul, David, Jesus, John Piper, Jon Weece...

Some amazing things are lining up right now. A possible mentor/discipler for me - which would be a great thing for my young faith. A new group (Bible study, accountability). New friends. Old friends. Good stuff.

For those out there who are praying for me, thanks - and keep it up, I could certainly use it. And, to add a bit to that list - pray for my friends who seem to be getting a little distant from the church...I am a bit worried. And, pray that my friend's new interest in the Bible will be one that sparks an occasion for the Spirit of God to invade His life and work awesome things for his benefit.

Thanks for reading. I should be back tomorrow to continue with the everyday thing (almost missed today...thanks Crystal).

The Battle, The Cry.

Tonight our goal during life group was to make aware our guys that there is a battle going on around us. In fact, the battle that wages during every second of our lives is an invisible one – a battle against spiritual enemies and things not seen. We also wanted to convey to our guys that they are called to be warriors in Christ – fighting these battles with the power of God.

In that, I decided to write my battle cry out, opening my heart to what is going on in my life. To what I long for. To what I fear. To what I hope.


My battle cry is for Christ to consume every part of my life, my mind, my heart, my soul, my being. I long for the courage to seek the nations for the glory of God. I long for the faith to speak Paul’s words and have their truth echo in my heart “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” I thirst for God in this land where I am so easily separated from His living water. I hunger for God even when my stomach is full on the sins of this world. I mourn for the blindness, deafness, and muteness of this world – consumed with their false idols, reflecting their inability to truly bring truth, life, love, or anything else that the only Living God has promised us in Christ. I fear, but long, for the fires of this life – the testing and refining fires of the presence of my God. Who is there but You God? Who or what am I that you even acknowledge my presence? Show mercy to me in my constant weakness – empower me with Your Spirit. Help me to rest in Your promises. Lord, use me for Your will – I am a vessel for Your righteousness to shine in this dark world. May I never boast but in the cross of Christ, through which you crucified my old self – the sins and slavery of the flesh. The cross on which you purchased me for Yourself. The cross where blood was shed for my penance, for my cleansing, for Your glory. Praise you for the resurrection of Jesus – to which I shall share because of Your great mercy towards me. May I never forget the love you showed me while in my darkest place, at just the right time, while I was still an enemy to You. I long to be mature in Christ, so I look to Your for guidance, for instruction. Incline me to Your Word – living and breathing off the pages. Give me a heart for Scripture. Intercede for me, and for others through me, with swooping, faithful prayers. Teach me to hear Your gentle, quiet, loving voice.

I am Yours, Jesus.

Skim Milk Ruins Coffee.

I'm starting the month of February blog-stravaganza about fifteen minutes early, but I think that's okay.

In this post I am attempting to reach out to the (possible) readers of this little page for some advice - to see if I am right or just crazy.

I am looking for a good cup of coffee. More specifically, I am looking for a cup of coffee that tastes the same when I make it at home as it does when I go to a 'shop for it. Now, I understand the differences that will arise considering beans used, grind method, brewing technique, etc. I'm not looking for an exact replica - just a bit of continuity.

See - every time I have coffee at my house - it just doesn't work like it does elsewhere. I thought it was just the blend. Then, today, I thought it might be my travel mug...because that does tend to make things pretty - eh.

But, then it hit me. Skim milk (what I put in my coffee here at the house) is basically the equivalent of white water. So when I mix that in with my cup of joe, no matter how strong I tend to make it, it dilutes and ruins the taste.

Or at least that's my hypothesis.

So I turn to you, devoted(?) readers:

Is it the skim milk? Does that (in your experience) seriously screw coffee up? What kind of liquid creamer should I get?

I'm not sure if you still read the blog, Crystal - but I would love to hear from you on this...you're the only person I know who could speak with any authority on this subject.

Thanks in advance everyone. Send me word!

Updates.

Starting tomorrow, for the entire month of February, I am going to try to blog at least once per day. Nothing extravagant, but I at least want to try to get my thoughts down as they come, or just keep this thing a bit more up-to-date on my life. After all, what good is my constant procrastination if I cannot utilize Blogger for a bit of constructive time use?

Anyway - if you'll look over to the right, underneath my picture/profile link, you'll see that there is a new button there. An e-mail button. You can now click on that and it will open your e-mail client and you can send me messages directly, without having to use the comment feature. So, please, take advantage of that - I'd like to hear from whomever actually reads this thing...even though my site statistics say that the average visit length isn't even a second :)

Anyway - hope to hear from you all...and I (hopefully) will be writing...starting tomorrow...maybe :)

myBucks? myLife?

This evening marked quite the church service for me. In fact, sitting in the parking lot of my friend's apartment complex, quickly "dissecting" the evening's message - made me realize that God had actually been using the past week to communicate, through several diverse messages, a concept that I so eagerly long to accept and model in my life. And so, it might be best to start from the beginning.

Wednesday night marked another High School Ministry evening. In the life group I co-lead, we are really trying to give our guys a vision and heart for service - in the church, community, nationally, and internationally. Somehow, by the grace of God, after only one week of prayer and off-time - we were presented with opportunities to fill every one of those areas. We only hope the Spirit of God will continue to move us in the right direction. (Big Picture, #1)

Move to Saturday morning - around 8 A.M. I attended Southland's Men's Ministry meeting to get in touch with someone who is assisting me with finding a mentor/discipler. The message/series is on fighting sexual sin in our lives. However, rather than simply going over what every Christian male has heard numerous times before (and some/most of us have ignored) - the topic focused quickly on the fullness of God in us. The unimaginable power right "under the covers" that is at our disposal. (Big Picture, #2)

Now to Sunday morning - College Café. This weekend our services focused on iBucks - the issue of money and stewardship. This turned me on to the aspect of the "Big Picture" in the first place. It also reiterated numerous concepts I had heard before, thoughts I was having about my own life (relevant experiences, spiritual desires). To those who receive much, much will be expected. The importance of advancing the Kingdom of God. (Big Picture #3)

And, this evening. Wow. Physically exhausting prayer, deep worship. Hard questions. Difficult paths. An absolute amazing revelation into the (hopeful) future of our church, the community, the world.

Are we, as Christians, truly supporting the Kingdom cause? Do we, or are we willing to, surrender everything - our time, our money, our lives - to the call to love God, and...just as important...to love others?

I certainly am not currently achieving this.

But what is stopping us?

"Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater that he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4 (ESV)

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1 (ESV)

It was the loudest I have ever heard it before in church tonight - the music, the voices, and the powerful voice of God telling us to go. To break down walls. To love without fear. To give without reservation. To bring the news of Christ to every soul we encounter. To sacrifice much, if need be, at the feet of Christ so that we can be proper stewards of God's grace upon us, and generous propagators of our massive wealth - financially and spiritually.

Sorrow, Part Two

My heart breaks for this world, Lord. Though I do not love it like You, my heart mourns. Why do we mock You? How can we turn our back to You? Why are we allowed our idols? What do we hold onto?

You are a consuming fire, Lord – set us ablaze. We are not ready for You – but we need You desperately. God I yearn for Your presence with an anguished soul. My spirit cries out for Your righteousness.

I am weak. I am tired. I am hurt. I am confused. I am failing.

I thirst for Your presence. Thirst for Your holiness. Thirst for Your righteousness. Thirst for Your love. Thirst for You.

You have laid Yourself heavy upon me and my strength fails.

I want to know You. I want to know You like I am fully known. I want to see Your glory. I want to be where You are.

And I am afraid. Fear. Anxiety. Doubt.

Be my rescue.

But, save us also from ourselves.

Jeremiah 8:19-9:7 “My joy is gone; grief is upon me; my heart is sick within me. Behold, the cry of the daughter of my people from the length and breadth of the land: ‘Is the LORD not in Zion? Is her King not in her? Why have they provoked me to anger with their carved images and with their foreign idols? The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.’ For the wound of the daughter of my people is my heart wounded; I mourn, and dismay has taken hold on me. Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has the health of the daughter of my people not been restored? Oh that my head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! Oh that I had in the desert a travelers' lodging place, that I might leave my people and go away from them! For they are all adulterers, a company of treacherous men. They bend their tongue like a bow; falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me, declares the LORD. Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer. Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity. Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit, they refuse to know me, declares the LORD. Therefore thus says the LORD of hosts: ‘Behold, I will refine them and test them, for what else can I do, because of my people?’”

Purify us, Lord. Make true Your promise to refine us like silver and make us bringers of righteousness. Pour out Your mercy until it overflows within us. We are nothing without You.

Prove Yourself, Lord. Let us testify to You, of You, by You.

We want to open the door. We hear You knock. We long to commune with You.

Fill our hearts. Have mercy on us. We are Yours.

Christmas Response.

I didn't write specifically about the choice made by Southland regarding Christmas-day services because, though I had an urge to, I felt it best to leave that in the hands of our senior minister Jon Weece - and more ably - God.

However, I came across on our site today the responses to Jon's urging our body to be the church-outside-of-church on Christmas day. (See the original article here).

Before I post the link to the stories of Jesus moving through our congregation, I want to prepend it with this verse:

"But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." (Galatians 6:14)

The following link, and the stories outlined there, are not meant to be personal boasts of our own achievements - rather, they point to God and say, "I get it, Lord - send me to do your good works prepared for me, and to bear fruit for your glory." Many members of our church stood behind the decision made by our elders, and also took action to reach the world for Christ on Christmas. I hope these stories move you like they did me.

Southland Serves on Christmas

Sorrow, Part One.

Written January 5, 2006 (Bus Ride Home from Passion 2006):

I’m not entirely sure where my sorrow came from. There are, in certain regards, environmental factors that could have led to it (sickness in the family and with friends, loneliness, etc.). It could also be an effect of the sin in my life – numbing my heart and soul. However, I think it is much more than that – it is a yearning, a desire, a hunger for God that is so insatiable that not even an 18,000+ crowd praising, praying, and being with God for four days could fill. It also shows me that I cannot rely on big, flashy events to determine my standing with God. Though He was undoubtedly present at all times during the conference – I felt so far from Him. I longed for more of His presence – for my life obviously, but also just for Him to be near. I have realized I am ruined to this world – and even much more to the euphoric effect of conferences or other deep spiritual events. I hunger, ache even, for God’s presence at the deepest parts of my soul.

“…As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?” (Psalm 42:1-2)


Written January 7, 2006:

I had been talking and thinking about this today with my close friend and his fiancé, and I even had some verses down to further support my “sorrow” and the feelings and thoughts I am having now. But, I am continually feeling this urge in me to be strong and to not be afraid. So…I looked up some verses – and this is what I came up with:

“…Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; my enemies trample on me all day long, for many attack me proudly. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” (Psalm 56:1-4, emphasis mine)

“But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a youth'; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD."” (Jeremiah 1:7-8)

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)

My friend made an amazing point tonight that I knew in my head, but I want to put to practice in my life to try and combat this funk I’m in.

One – Jesus is 100% worthy of all glory, honor, and praise – regardless of me or my situations or anything else. He does not owe me anything, and deserves everything because of who He is. And that’s not even to include what He has done, for me and for the world – His suffering, His cross, His love. So – my feelings might come and go (and do) and my heart might worry, and my head might wonder – but Jesus is Christ the Risen Lord…and I will praise Him with everything I can…joyous or sorrowful – because He is worthy.

Another thing I take out of those verses above – and all the promises that I’ve seen reading through the Bible is that God is faithful. And that everything relies on God – whether that be good or bad, belief or unbelief, happiness or sorrow. My salvation is in his hands – it is a reflection of the glory of His grace and there is nothing that I did to earn it, nothing I can do to try to maintain it (by my strength or works or whatever). I just need to rest in God and be strong with His strength, not mine.

It’s like my heart and soul long for God – long to be completely satisfied in Him – love Him and ache for Him and need Him to survive – but my mind is continually warring with it saying “God does not exist. God does not/cannot love you. You are not a Christian. You are stupid acting like this…etc., etc.” And then it goes a step further and says, “This isn’t Satan saying this, it’s you.” I hate to give Satan ANY credit, but he has gotten pretty good at his job.

Where I am right now – I just feel so afraid that I cannot keep this up…that I am too weak to fight this fight of faith against temptation, and sin, and the world, and Satan. And then I see these amazing Christians around me who are so on fire for God – and I cannot see that in myself, and then I have the fear that I might NEVER see that and will not grow up to be a mature Christian. And there is NOTHING in this world I want more than to be mature in Christ, in this life. And it just seems SO very far away right now.

“My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!” (Psalm 119:28)

I Want This.

Several posts should follow in the coming days when I have a chance to sort through everything revolving around Passion 2006. However, I came across an article today on another blog that convicted me, saddened me, and put a deep desire in my soul.


http://www.epm.org/articles/worthy.html

The article tells the story of a man and his two sons who were martyred for Christ and the effect it had on their family and the people around them.

On January 23rd of 1999, Graham and his two sons, Phillip (11 yrs.) and Timothy (6 yrs.) were murdered by a large mob of militant Hindus. They had gone to a Christian camp in the jungle, where Graham was ministering. At midnight the mob attacked, setting fire to the jeep in which Graham and his sons were sleeping. They were burned alive. When the fire finally cooled, they found the charred body of Graham Staines with his arms around the bodies of his sons.

The response this mustered from the man’s wife and daughter?

The response of Gladys and Esther was on the front page of every newspaper in India (with one billion people, soon to pass China as the most populous nation on earth). Gladys said, “I have only one message for the people of India. I’m not bitter. Neither am I angry. But I have one great desire: that each citizen of this country should establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who gave his life for their sins...let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ’s love.”

She said, “My husband and our children have sacrificed their lives for this nation; India is my home. I hope to be here and continue to serve the needy.” When asked how she felt about the murder of her dad, Esther, as a thirteen year old, said (in words that sound straight off the pages of the book of Acts), “I praise the Lord that He found my father worthy to die for Him.”

I wholeheartedly agree with the verse used for this story (Hebrews 11:35-38).

How deep I long to have the faith, courage, conviction, satisfaction, and love of Christ that these people have. I’m not there yet – not even close…but God do I long to serve You like this someday.

Lord invest in me and fill me not only with the desire I have now to be near you and serve you – but to have the faith and power in you to walk whatever road you place before me.

Welcome, 2006.

I no longer want a compromised and contrived vision of Christ. I no longer ache for a savior as the stepping stone to fulfilling desires that do not end in joy in that savior. I despise not only my sinful self, but this world that so easily ensnares me and allows me to settle for something far less than Christ Himself. I am sick and tired of believing I can find fulfillment in anything else. I am in pain that my eyes are so blind, my mind so dumb, and my heart so dull. I am afraid of the darkness into which I can so easily fall when my focus is taken off of God and His life breathing in me.

I am called to be set apart, to be a light in the darkness – a reflection of the great light which is God. I have failed and do fail so many times in being that witness and my shame is ever with me. I long to be the man God has created me to be, not only for my sake, but that others might know the joy I have felt through Christ.

This marks yet another New Year’s Eve in which I have given little (read: no) evidence that I am a servant of Christ, a commissioner of the Gospel, a lover of God and His people. I end this post and begin this year with four prayers:

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” (Psalm 51:1-3)

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

“I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. / O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.” (Psalm 38:18 / :21-22)

“Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:6)

It's That Time Again.

• Starburst jellybeans are awesome.

• I am totally digging the new Ashlee Simpson album "I Am Me".

• Crystal-Faith is amazingly cool.

• I like movies, a lot. I also like owning movies, a lot.

• Living in the 50's/60's would have been totally cool...

•...namely because I would have been able to see Frank sing all the songs I like.

• I have bursts of insane popularity on MySpace - and I don't understand it.

• I don't care if she does lip-synch...I dig Ashlee Simpson.

• I am so extremely happy I know Jesus Christ...no matter how stupid I act, and how often.

• Passion 2006 is less than a week away...I cannot wait.

• The Haste the Day show is like, two days away...I cannot wait.

• I am so going to miss Jimmy when he leaves Haste the Day.

• I like to shop - so it's probably better I am completely broke.

• People are probably going to be a little weirded out getting my Christmas cards in January.

• This is getting pretty old, pretty fast...so it ends here.

Behold, Christ.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6)

“And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:9-11)


Today marks a time when Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. We take this time to thank God for his unparalleled gift to mankind – sending His Son to be an offering for our sins, and a path to knowing God. Our faith is that His glory came in love, for love – to free us from a life of sin that leads only to pain, suffering, and death – to restore us to a life lived by, for, and with our Father, God.

This is not just a day for friends, family, presents, and decorated trees – but a time marked off for the rest of our souls in the work of the Cross; a time where we can find peace in the comfort of our Savior; a day where our joy can be made full in the witness of God’s love, glory, and faithfulness.


“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!’” (Luke 2:13-14)


If you put your faith in Christ – take this day to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and might and to love others as yourself.

If you have never heard about Christ, never put your faith in Him, or have your questions, doubts, or problems with this whole thing – find someone to talk to about the true Christ – a lover of souls, a healer, a redeemer.


“I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.” (John 12:46)

The War.

One of the big issues I have had to face as a Christian is the remnant of sin in my life. And I understand that the word "sin" gets passed around so much in Christian culture as to lose all meaning - so what I talk about here are the things that I see and recognize in my own life that are of negative impact to my faith and spirituality, or things that I understand have no benefit to me.

There are two big things that contribute to the problem I have with this remaining (and sometimes frequent) sin: 1) Understanding the situation(s) I find myself in, and, 2) The resentment I have for my ability to continue to sin against God.


The Situation of Sin:

“I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin.” (Psalm 38:18)
“For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.” (Psalm 51:3)
“Who can say, ‘I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin’?” (Proverbs 20:9)

We are sinners. There is no doubt about it. But what causes our sin, and why are we so easy a target?

“…And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” (Genesis 4:7)

Here we see sin waiting for us – biding its time to ensnare us and take control of our lives. We are warned to rule over it, lest it own us. But sin is not just something that waits for us. It is also something that lives within us – our very nature in the flesh.

“Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)

“For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” (Galatians 5:17)

We are against God because we are enslaved to our flesh and its desires. However, this is not a condition that must remain.

“For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh…” (Romans 8:3)

God has taken sin, flesh, corrupt desires, and enmity against him completely out of the picture. Instead of the natural consequence of a life lived for sin, against God – namely death (physical and spiritual) – he offers another choice:

“I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you.” (Isaiah 44:22)


The Continuance of Sin:

I believe in the sovereignty of God in the lives of all people. In the Christian life specifically, I believe that God plays a “real-time” role in our lives, using his limitless power to move and shape who we are, what we face, and who we become. Because of this belief, I have the understanding that nothing happens in our lives that is either out of God’s control, or was not ordained by him.

I also believe in the magnificence of God - that when His glory is truly seen and comprehended, nothing else can compare or offer anything more joyful, satisfying, permanent, or valuable.
So in regards to this I have to wonder how it’s possible for sin to persist in a person explicitly saved from and dead to sin by the work of God (through the cross) and how with a clear view of God’s glory (because of the cross) that anything would seem equal or more enticing.

So I look to Paul and his struggles for comparison and guidance.

“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:15)

Paul recognized that he had struggles in his life. He also saw the times when he fell to those struggles and the consequences. But further in this chapter we are revealed to something:

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)

But this seems impossible. The first (and arguably greatest) missionary for the Gospel of Christ – a man who saw His glory firsthand – does not have the ability to resist and conquer sin? How are we ever supposed to accomplish such a task?

We are not.

“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Colossians 1:27)

The only hope we have for glory. The only chance we have for sanctification. The only source of power for holiness is the Holy Spirit working inside of us. The power of Christ within us to be a spring of eternal life that fills us over. It is the power of the risen Christ that dwells within God’s chosen that present them as clean.

But this does not happen immediately.

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

It is a promise of God. It will happen. But we must continue to fight the fight of faith and lay hold of the hope that comes from God. Only in Him will we find our strength to persevere – and only in Him will we find the reward that we persevere for.

God.

I think I’ve figured something big out. God works wonderfully for a pessimist like me.

I know I won’t be the person I am now forever – as small and slow as it may seem at times, there is something going on within me that is changing me into a completely new person. But, there are still parts of me that remain – parts that have no faith in humanity at all, parts that are bitter and resentful, parts that are sad and lonely and hurt.

And, oddly enough, I’m not really looking for pity or well-wishes when it comes to this. Partly because I know that it’s not always going to be like this. It might not fade away and be replaced in the foreseeable future – but it’s certainly not going to be with me forever.

The reason I look at myself “under a microscope” right now is because I realized tonight that God is not only amazingly courteous to work with a fool like me, but I am supremely blessed to be working with a gift like him.

For instance – I am a very emotional person. I tend to take things very personally – even if they were never meant as an attack. Because of this (and I want to highlight this now as being my weakness, not theirs) I have been hurt by every person I’ve ever known. Maybe not on some grand scale with every one of them – but all the people in my life, right now (and in the past) that I care(d) about has hurt me. Again, I’m not throwing my pity-party here…I’m just trying to set the stage for my conclusion.

I also tend to get very involved with people very quickly. I’ll meet someone as a friend and “latch” on to them – instantly storing them in the “friend bank” and painting them in as part of my life. The same goes for romantic interests. These things happen very fast, and when some of these people leave just as quick – boom – I’m left with a big gash in my side where I had made something permanent that was not meant to be.

But none of the above has been the case with God. At all.

I was “raised” in the church as a child – so I had some background of the whole religion thing. I never really stuck to anything – beliefs, faith, etc. I kind of always did my own thing – believing that there probably was a god but doing my absolute best to stay on his good side, and always on my knees when I needed something.

All of that changed a little over a year ago when I started reading Scripture again. Or, I would stay up real late and watch “Shepherd’s Chapel” – where they would read the Bible and give their own little interpretation for it. I can’t say for sure whether this was the beginning of what was to come, or merely a stepping stone from my past walk. All I know is that in October of 2004 I found myself inside Southland Christian – attending their Sunday evening service.

I haven’t left since.

I gave my life to Christ, specifically in baptism, a month later – November 4, 2004. And since then it has been an amazing, scary, frustrating, wonderful, adjective-filled journey. I’ve learned more about God in 12 months than I had for the previous 20 years.

But the one thing that really stuck out for me tonight was that this God I have come to know and love – he is permanent. And his affections towards me are unchanging. I did nothing to earn them, and for some magnificent reason I can’t do anything to lose them. I am his and he has become mine.

And that promise is bankrupt in anything else in this world. The money and possessions I have now – even if they last until I die – cannot be taken with me. The members of my family – their fate is the same as mine…I’m probably going to watch many of them pass away. My friends – same thing. God-willing I’ll find a wife and raise a family, but that is only a temporary blessing in a life that is but a vapor.

I have found only one thing in this life that I can hope on. There is only one thing in front of me right now that I am sure will be there when I am gone. Of everything I have ever strived for and anything I could ever want until the end of my time – only one thing is worth it because only one thing guarantees.

Jesus Christ.

And I’m not going to go on some spiel about my faith and how I’m right and everyone else who believes different is wrong. I’ve been thinking about the direction I want to move when I speak – and even though I decided I am convicted to speak to the truth in my heart – right now I’m just laying it out for myself.

Jesus is the only thing that matters. Take hold of that and never let it go. Fight for it because it’s worth it. You’d fight for other things. You have fought for other things. Trivial things that pass away, or lose interest in you, or you lose interest in them. This won’t fade. You’ll fade, but this won’t. Take hold.

Laugh it up if you think I’m wrong. I had those same thoughts before, until they turned to tears when I realized how fruitless anything else is. Sit down and think and don’t just go with what’s easy or what you’ve always known.

Think. Question. Fight. Whatever.

As I’ve said so many times before – there’s a lot at stake. And it’s only in your best interest to check it out. YOU are the one who gains.

The Embargo Is Over.

It only took about a year and change, but the prohibition of my musical interests has come to an end.

Most, if not all credit, goes to Frank Sinatra.

See - I really like Ol' Blue Eyes...there's just something about him. And, the more I think about my taste in music right now, the more I see myself in a bar with a cigarette and glass of scotch in my hand, listening to some piano jazz, big band, or some other thing.

Perhaps I'm becoming a bit more sophisticated in my old age. Perhaps I realized that I used to love and enjoy all music styles.

Most likely a bit of both.

I'm not going to go out and start buying every little thing - but I am going to go out and try to "experiment" with some things I really think might float my boat - right now I'm leaning towards easy listening...I want something I can turn the lights low and just relax to...and that seems to fit the bill. Right now I'm enjoying the sounds of J.J. Johnson.

So, I'm sorry if I offended all you people out there by not listening to music anymore when I become a Christian. I still believe that music can influence you, and sometimes in a negative way. I also still believe that there are certain things that I cannot listen to and still glorify God...so I am not going to listen to that stuff.

But, I'm going into this with a heart beating for God, realizing that He has gifted all these men and women with immense talent to share art and soul with the world - and I'm grabbing hold of it.

Feel free to come along - everyone's welcome.

We Are Blind.

I love music. It has such an amazing capacity - through people I have never met - to speak to the deepest longings and thoughts of my soul. There have been so many songs, so many times, that I could have written myself with effort (and talent). For instance, I've recently been admiring "Make Believe Jesus" by Shane and Shane - the most spectacular of lyrics which go:

"Mountains groan, and seas roar, because all they know, is you for who you are, bright morning star, Jesus make believe, like they believe..."

When did we lose sight of this?

I've seen mountains before. And I've been to the ocean and witnessed how magnificent that can be. To listen to this song, with those images burnt into my mind - and then realize that their very purpose is to magnify, glorify, and present but a glimmer of the radiance which is Jesus Christ - it almost leaves me speechless.

I can understand that there are going to be people in this world who just do not see what is being talked about above. Before I became a Christian, I used to be roughly the same place they are. I believed in "God" but I didn't really know anything about him. I had heard this and that, but I wasn't really sure what I thought, or knew much about what I professed.

That's not to say that those who do not believe are necessarily these horrible cretins who deserve to be beneath my feet because they don't like or feel the same way about a song as I do. I mean something entirely different about the experiences I have been having lately.

One of the most amazing things that has happened to me, personally, over the past year has been the ability to look at the world and see wonder. I, like probably anyone, can appreciate beauty in numerous forms. But, lately, my eyes have begun to "adapt" (so to speak) to see beauty and majesty in so many things I might never have thought of before.

I take comfort where I am now - as a man and as a Christian. I've a long walk before me, but I am at the point in my life where I am ready to start traveling. It sounds so generic - I know - but it's true. It gives me hope, faith, joy, and so many other blessings.

Some are never going to believe - and it's not my duty to spout on like a broken record trying to wear them down until they do - because then no one wins. It just amazes me what's at stake. It also amazes me how much it seems like everyone is missing out.

Black Friday Warrior!

The following story is quite a frightening one. It is not advised that the sick or faint-hearted proceed...

The Tale of the Black Friday Warrior!

It all began on a normal Thanksgiving evening. A mysterious figure sat at a computer chair, eyes fixed upon the monitor, engaged in a riveting Yahoo Messenger chat:

mysterious_figure: I'm a bit worried about this Black Friday stuff. I went out last year and it was horrifying beyond belief. Lines that seemed without end, empty merchandise containers, PURE pandemonium.

other_im_guy: I wouldn't worry about it as long as you get there early. But, as trends would have it you might not get what you're going for.

mysterious_figure: I'll probably have to bundle up because of the cold...maybe I can pack on a lot of weight, mess my hair up, and make them think I am some deranged monster. Then they'll give me whatever I want!

The plan was afoot! This mysterious figure, now packed beneath a long-sleeve t-shirt, regular t-shirt, Quicksilver hoodie, and blue zip-up jacket had become nearly twice his size. Would the faux muscle suffice to win over the crowds and deliver home a shiny prize? Only time would tell for the Black Friday Warrior!

Into the cold went the Black Friday Warrior. His vehicle started with a sluggish roar, the C.D. player accepted the dose of Metal music it needed to wake the driver up - it was time to depart!

Stopping briefly to check the time and temperature - it was found to be not only very early, but also very cold. Already time and nature were conspiring against our hero.


What seemed like only minutes later, the Black Friday Warrior arrived at his destination.

For some reason (most probably being an inter-dimensional dampening field) no pictures were able to be taken within Wal-Mart...but rest assured that the pandemonium was yet again PURE. People had been waiting in line for hours to get their hands upon our hero's bounty. In fact, the entire operation was so mis-matched that the Black Friday Warrior was not even sure where to stand to prepare to be handed his prize. Frustrated, tired, and aware that this would be a failed mission - the Warrior walked into an alternate aisle in the electronics department and bought himself a new headset (for use with futuristic online chat sessions, with voice capability!)

Having exerted great strength to brave the cold, the early, and the crowds - the Black Friday Warrior decided it was time for a meal. Traveling to a local establishment he waited for a bit before realizing that they were not yet welcoming patrons. However, they were accepting refueling trucks.


Moving on to another restaurant, it was found out to be a truck conspiracy! Two mysterious vehicles in one night...was something mysterious going on?


Too bad our hero was still tired and ready to head home - or else another, new adventure could have awaited our Black Friday Warrior.

Until next time!

Super Quick Update.

Crystal-Faith is chill.

On the real.

Seay, Shanes, Crowder.

The show tonight was amazing. I was ignorant and didn't put my earbuds in (I normally always do) so now my ears are ringing a bit and my left ear feels all weird. It didn't really get loud until DC*B got on stage and everyone started yelling and they turned the mix up. Eh.

Robbie Seay Band - whom I hadn't heard of until tonight - opened the show. They turned out to be really good. They have a nice sound, acoustic with a bit of rock and electric thrown in. I didn't know any of the songs they sang, but enjoyed their entire set - which was nice, because I wasn't really expecting anything out of them.

Shane & Shane came up next and rocked my world. I had seen them at Passion '05 - and didn't know who they were so I wasn't too into them. Then, on the Passion '05 CD/DVD I ordered they sang an amazing version of "It Is Well" so I knew they had some credibility. Well, again, I did not know any of the songs they sang (except for the cover of "How Great Is Our God") but I ended up dropping $30 bucks after the show to pick up their two most recent CDs. I'm kind of kicking myself right now because I told myself and God that I was going to stop buying stuff all the time, but I also really enjoy the CD so I am torn.

David Crowder*Band - what needs to be said? I paid $20 for the show for this band simply because I could not wait until January to see them lead worship at Passion '06. When they stepped on stage the crowd went nuts. I've been to tons of shows, and this was one of the most amazing reactions to an entrance I've probably ever seen. They played a lot of stuff of the new C.D. which made me very happy...and...

they played "You Are My Joy" - my absolute favorite song of the new album. I was ecstatic when I heard them start it up. I ended up dancing and screaming and singing and worshipping my heart out all night. I broke out in a sweat and had to stop getting "Undignified" because I was tired.

A lot of people from my church were there, so it was cool to see some of them. I just wish some of my other friends - from small group and a couple others who thought they might come - were able to make it out, because it was an absolutely amazing night.

I have been so extremely blessed by God since last Friday...that is amazing.

Thanks, Lord.

Growing Pains.

I seem to be working a lot of spiritual things out right now, both consciously and sub-consciously.

On the obvious front is both my seeming lack of joy in God right now teamed with an aversion to the constant "throwing out" of what I consider cliché Christian phrases (all of which have involved the name Jesus). To be more specific, I am resenting what I called, to a close friend, cookie-cutter Christianity. A lot of the things I have been hearing lately have seemed so stereotypical and repetitive, with a pinch of insincerity.

Not to bash the people saying them, though. In fact, most every line I talk about above has come from the mouth of someone I love immensely. And, I hate to doubt their sincerity (even if I do) because I know their hearts well enough, I think, to deduce they are not saying it for either shock value or word's sake.

But it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and throws my mind for a loop.

On the sub-conscious, not-too-obvious front, things seem to be a little blurry. For instance, I feel something inside of me that convicts me that I am growing more mature spiritually. It's a heightened sense that makes its call unmistakable, but still allows for the plausibility of doubt. I try telling it I am happy facing diverse trials, knowing the by-products of such conflict equal much required (and coveted, for lack of a better word) rewards. I long for faith, perseverance, wisdom, maturity, courage, etc. Maybe God is answering my recent cries to be poured into.

Because, I am of the mind that when God actually does pour into you, it's an experience for sure.

I haven't been without joy. This past week I have been extremely happy. Much filled with joy. Serving in the church. Loving others. Selfless. But in all things still sinning.

An analogy my friend gave me this evening:

"If you take a glass of water and place a droplet of ink into it, the ink eventually permeates the entire glass of water. It is still water - but it's not the same water it used to be before the ink. Even the best part of the water still has some ink in it. You cannot escape the effects of the ink; you can only hope to be more water."

I am not the same person I was a little over a year ago. This is apparent. But, I am also not the man that I would like to be. And through various means I am coming to terms with the issue that this dichotomy presents.

To use the same verse I closed a recent e-mail with:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." {Romans 15:13}

Here's to hope.