Worship Arts Conference, Day One.

Thoughts from the Worship Arts Conference @ Campbellsville University - Day One:

The conference has actually been going a lot better than I imagined. This morning was a great time for worship. I had been feeling very reserved and also a bit dejected when it came to the act of worshipping God through song (at least corporately). I had a bad attitude, a numb attitude, sometimes an indifferent attitude. I pleaded with God to meet me there (in the past, and definitely this morning), to give me a time of joy in the music and singing - and he did. It was a great release. So you can have an idea, I was even moved during our rendition of "Amazing Grace" (I know, it MUST have been a big deal). That's not to say that tomorrow it won't all be back again - but there was a definite moment of peace and love and joy and it was wonderful. Praise Jesus for that!

In the main sessions we've been going over the idea that it is alright, even appropriate, to have an attitude of lament toward God. Looking at the example of Job, we can see that even though, in the end, Job realized he was in error and repented - his lament was real and was, in essence, a driving force that moved God to come near. The idea being presented is that our lament is a real communication with God - and in fact can be a worshipful experience. There's a lot of detail (ask if you'd like to check out my notes) but it has been very eye opening. I feel like I have spent the (almost) three years that I've known Jesus in a Psalm 13 place - and while there have been times of escape, it's been a real experience of lament. It was nice to see that I'm not a horrible Christian for being there. It was also a very hope-building encouragement to know that God loves me where I am at and even desires to draw near (and has, and will in the future) to restore and redeem me.

Another thing that I thought was really amazing was the idea that we need to stop looking for provision and need to start looking for presence. There is a beautiful illustration in Job (9:33) where he talks about longing for a person that would place his hands on the shoulders of both Job and God - to be a mediator to their relationship - a present, intimate, tangible expression. That idea/longing is made real in the person of Jesus. Such a wonderful picture of connection - I wish others could see it.

The breakout sessions were also very upbuilding. The first I travelled to was about leaving behind all our preconceived methodologies for "doing" Church and replacing it with a solid cause that we could follow and invite others to follow. The Great Commission was the key text, and the speaker outlined in various stages what Christ accomplished and made possible for us through his resurrection. This has actually been a hot topic lately with the "Lost Tomb of Jesus" controversy, so I had been doing some reading on the topic. I wholeheartedly agree that the resurrection is the "foundation" of a moving faith - of true discipleship and purpose. "If the resurrection is true, everything changes."

The second breakout was on the topic of Christian counseling and how the language of lament can empower us to serve others, even in their darkest times. The issue of counseling has been big in my life because there have been numerous times where I felt like God has led people to me so that he could love and support them through me. It is a very humbling and scary place to be in (because I am grossly underqualified). While I don't think I have a direct future in counseling, I know that being a minister of Christ is a call to counsel others in truth, love, and (hopefully) healing. It was also a time of "healing" for me in again hearing the truth that being in a state of lament and depression does not equate disbelief, faithlessness, or failure. Sometimes pain and sorrow are real things in our lives. We often experience things that are unspeakable (or that are difficult for us to speak) and there must come a time when we release that. God "cannot" love us or heal us until we are able to release that which most affects us.

One thing that stood out to me as I was writing this synopsis was Michael Card's point in that the only thing God requires of us is ourselves. It is when we reach the end of everything we have, and the only portion remaining to offer is our pain, weakness, and brokenness that we have what God actually desires. Looking to David in the Psalms (51:17) we see that true sacrifice is our innermost being (Romans 12:1?) and that this is a pleasing gift to God.

Sometimes all I've had is a broken heart. It's nice to know that I might have been closer to God in those moments - closer to offering him everything he desires - than when I felt puffed up in pride about my Christian piety and marvelous faith. I've never been over-zealous or massively-faithful towards God in the first place - but I have had the love and admiration that leads to a "pain" and "sorrow" in the loss of his presence.

I am lovesick for you, God. And hopefully that is exactly what you require of me.

Be Displaced.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to make the Invisible Children "event" this year - but I can promote it to the best of my abilities.

Click the link below to find out more information - and if you have some free time, sign up and participate.

If this is anything like Global Night Commute it will be absolutely amazing.

INVISIBLE CHILDREN - DISPLACE ME

Example Versus Wonder.

Just finished watching a video of an excerpt from (I believe) John Piper's message on marriage. The topic of the clip was that application of a text does not change people, but glory does.

Through multiple conversations with friends, study, and revelation, I have come to the same conclusion. We are not, as a people, changed (for the better) by bullet lists, examples, challenges, or commands. While every one of these things serve a purpose, they are not the foundation of our betterment.

We were made to behold beauty and wonder. Unfortunately we have exchanged the real beauty and wonder for worship of self, cars, houses, each other. There is beauty there, but it pales in comparison to God.

Check out the video below and send me your thoughts:

"Unintentional" Worship.

I've been worshiping God through Copeland's album "In Motion" for the past week and it has been very nice. After a conversation with a friend last night about freedom in worship, and thinking a little more on what I have been enjoying lately (specifically in the musical art of worship) I had the following desire:

I want to seek Jesus in the unconventional. I want to admire him through the untraditional.

But I need some assistance - and that's where you (the reader of this) come in. I need new music. So I am issuing a challenge on two fronts.

1. Please send me recommendations of generally good music. In fact, forget that - only send me word if it is exceptional. I need something new and fascinating and wonderful to put in my ears. I care not what genre it comes from, as long as it will be extraordinary.

2. If you are a believer, send me recommendations for songs not common to the worship mold, but that speak truth and cause a genuine admiration for Jesus. If it's from a Christian artist, fine. Secular? Even better. I want something that will send me deep.

Multiple songs would be better - the more the merrier.

Thanks.

The Other Person.

As might be an obvious statement from my most recent posts, I have become fascinated with people as of late. It dawned on me, somehow, that other people exist in this world (not just me). These people have intrinsic value. They have stories. They have histories. They live and breath and move in the very world I do. While I am off doing my thing, they are in the same present reality becoming who they will be.

So I have been trying to adjust my often self-centered world-view to accommodate the other multiple-billion humans who occupy this planet with me. It's a step-by-step journey, but it's fascinating and rewarding.

This evening I had the pleasure of spending a couple hours of life with my cousin at Panera. She had soup in a bread-bowl. I had cheddar cheese melted on sourdough bread. I also had a coffee (they have good coffee there). We spent those few moments together talking about life - school, college plans, relationships, spirituality, truth, etc. She has seen a lot of things in her 17 years that have shaped her into a marvelous woman - she enjoys the arts, she values the elderly, she humbly receives advice and instruction. I admire her.

We parted ways and I felt blessed for the interaction. I was able to give up a few hours of my evening tonight and share in the life of another person. It was great.

Then, I had a chance to swing by my friend's house. I don't see this friend often, but care deeply for him and his family. My goddaughter is incredibly cute - she wore her princess dress around the house, talked a lot, and drew a wonderful(ly horrible) picture of me with happy eyes (after I had her erase the picture of me with mean eyes). It was good to be around my friend again. It was nice to take him to a gas station for a pop. It was fun watching videos of laughing babies on YouTube.

I think tonight was a tiny representation of what living for and loving others looks like. It was such a simple thing for me to spend time with these people. It demanded sacrifice, but it was small and easily overlooked.

I need more times like this in my life. And I hope that I can have eyes to see opportunity and wonderful occasion when they come along.

The Other Person is so intriguing. When I am able to shut up, be still, and listen - their story is such a wonderful thing to hear.

To An Unknown Girl.

The mewithoutYou show last night was pretty spectacular - but first, an aside:

I don't know your name. You were at the show last night with two other girls. You were all standing behind me in line waiting to get in. I was talking with the two guys who got coffee from KFC. I lost contact with you during the first two bands, but then you showed up right behind me in the crowd when mewithoutYou came on. You were wearing a white beanie. When the crowd opened up I was able to move you forward a bit. After the show you turned around, smiled, and went back to your friends (who were right behind me). I never got your name. If you ever happen across this, I'd like to know it. And if you live anywhere feasible for me to travel to, I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee.

Aloha turned out to be pretty fun. I was pretty far back when they came on, so I didn't have a good view (I'm also pretty short, so all the tall people in front of me ruined my vantage). They were very laid back, a bit eclectic, and good fun for an opener. I was hoping they'd set the mood for the evening (relaxed) but I was wrong.

Sparta was amazing - but I am glad they played second because I came to the show for mewithoutYou. I had made my way up in the crowd a bit, so I had a good space for their set. The crowd ended up going pretty crazy during a few of their songs - but I was generally pleased to see it was "old-school" moshing and movement rather than the hardcore, ninja-kicking, hurt-people crap I've faced at other shows. I will probably end up purchasing Sparta's new record, and I recommend you do the same.

mewithoutYou was an experience. I have wanted to see these guys for quite a while now, but never had a chance because they never play anywhere close. I will now be willing to travel a bit longer for a chance to see them again. Multiple favorite tracks played, Aaron going crazy on stage, free-form presentation - it was great. I wish their set had been a bit longer, but alas, it wasn't to be.

While watching them play I was brought back to the idea that we all worship something. Seeing people dancing around, shouting, throwing their hands in the air, and singing every lyric (myself included in some cases) - I realized that we are very passionate people. We love experiences. We gravitate towards art, towards emotion, towards excellence. I always enjoy "people watching" because I think people are fascinating and I am really trying to understand the complexity of their existence. Last night was a wonderful foray into the lives of some very interesting people. It was a good experience - not just for the music.

While I am not necessarily looking forward to all of the driving that will be required, the first weekend of April will be fun. I'm hoping to arrange my schedule and resources so I can spend some time in Cincinnati while I am there (more than just showing up for the shows each night). I'd like to find a nice part of the city to walk around (close to the venue, Memorial Hall) and definitely a coffeehouse or two. If you live in that area, or know that area, and have any suggestions - drop me a line.

Why?

I've been in a very inquisitive mood lately. It started a while ago and pops up every now and then. I like questions. Questions inherently create...conversation, reflection, inquiry, etc. I like all of those things.

I was eating my lunch outside the other day - watching cars pass by, getting a chill from the wind, enjoying the sun poking its rays out through the cloud cover. Thinking, with my journal open and my pen at the ready, I started to let any and all questions have freedom. I wound up with...

There are so many people that drive by Southland everyday - do they know Jesus? What are their lives like? Are they happy? Are they hurting? Do they need someone in their life? Do they want someone? What about all the houses across the road? Do they come here? Why? Why not? Why is a church right next to us? Do we need another church? How can we work together? Should we work together? Why do I like questions so much? Who answers? Why? Why does that answer matter? Can other people answer? Should I listen?

I've been trying to remodel my world-view and it has proven to be less than simple. If you've read Blue Like Jazz you've heard this before, but it's true - equate my life to a movie and I am the biggest star. I am in every scene. The entire movie is shot through my eyes. My perception, good or bad, right or wrong, affects the story.

How do I make it a good story? How do I make it a story worth watching? How do I make it a story worth immersing yourself in?

So many people pass me by everyday - and every one of them is unique. Every one of them has a lifetime of experiences that has shaped them into the person they are. They are amazingly complex. They are not just set pieces.

How do I involve them in this great story? What part do they play?

So many questions.

5pm!

I was made for days like today. It is absolutely beautiful outside and I get off work an hour early!

I find it amazing how my attitude and mood can change simply by walking outside on a nice, sunny day. I've been a bit melodramatic the past few weeks - much darker than usual. But, as soon as I set foot outside this afternoon to head to lunch things have certainly turned around.

I am so thankful for the change in seasons. My life tends to fluctuate with each one - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. While I am, at least for today, in a "brighter" place - I am also thankful for the winter months when I can face a lot of the darker stuff in my life and try to work through the things that tend to get me bitter, angry, or depressed.

Tonight I am looking forward to coffee, maybe some ultimate frisbee, and community with someone I've been eagerly anticipating spending time with again. We'll see how the evening shapes up.

Hopefully your respective climate is as positive as this one.

Hopefully you can grow in the cycles and changes our natural world invites us to be a part of.

(Another) E-Mail.

We were talking yesterday (briefly) about honesty and emotion in our relationship with God. Yesterday afternoon, due to various life situations, I got a little frustrated, a little depressed, and a little angry. For a couple nights I’ve been just listening to music on the way home, being honest about my intentions to “run away” from situations for the 20-minute drive. Last night I allowed myself to “be angry” on the ride home, and then remembered a lot of the anger I had before-Christ and now living with Christ (not towards him). It felt nice to be angry (even if the honesty of the emotion did not make it alright to be angry).

Anyway, all that to say that last night I came to the conclusion, and wrote in my journal (which makes it official!) that Christ gave, has given, and gives me hope. I thought a lot about people who were like, “Jesus saved me from alcoholism...Jesus saved me from depression...Jesus saved me from...” and I always felt like I didn’t have anything. I felt like I was a pretty good guy. I didn’t party hard, and when I did party I liked it (I didn’t want to be saved from it). When I got angry, I let it go. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Ever since I started this whole journey with Jesus I have had hope. When the world just totally pisses me off and I want to burn it to the ground, I hear Jesus telling me to love them and to have hope that things might get better. When I am all sad because whatever is happening in my life is not to my specific liking, I remember Jesus telling me that things are going to be bad, but that he is bigger and better than all of this.

I talked with Vic today and he kind of affirmed some things for me. I didn’t want to be saved. I didn’t really even think I needed to be saved. I’m still walking that journey where I realize how horrible I really am – how much I deserve punishment – and how happy I should be that I am not going to receive it. But I am saved and I think that’s a pretty great thing.

Just thought I’d share that with you.