Worship Arts Conference, Day One.

Thoughts from the Worship Arts Conference @ Campbellsville University - Day One:

The conference has actually been going a lot better than I imagined. This morning was a great time for worship. I had been feeling very reserved and also a bit dejected when it came to the act of worshipping God through song (at least corporately). I had a bad attitude, a numb attitude, sometimes an indifferent attitude. I pleaded with God to meet me there (in the past, and definitely this morning), to give me a time of joy in the music and singing - and he did. It was a great release. So you can have an idea, I was even moved during our rendition of "Amazing Grace" (I know, it MUST have been a big deal). That's not to say that tomorrow it won't all be back again - but there was a definite moment of peace and love and joy and it was wonderful. Praise Jesus for that!

In the main sessions we've been going over the idea that it is alright, even appropriate, to have an attitude of lament toward God. Looking at the example of Job, we can see that even though, in the end, Job realized he was in error and repented - his lament was real and was, in essence, a driving force that moved God to come near. The idea being presented is that our lament is a real communication with God - and in fact can be a worshipful experience. There's a lot of detail (ask if you'd like to check out my notes) but it has been very eye opening. I feel like I have spent the (almost) three years that I've known Jesus in a Psalm 13 place - and while there have been times of escape, it's been a real experience of lament. It was nice to see that I'm not a horrible Christian for being there. It was also a very hope-building encouragement to know that God loves me where I am at and even desires to draw near (and has, and will in the future) to restore and redeem me.

Another thing that I thought was really amazing was the idea that we need to stop looking for provision and need to start looking for presence. There is a beautiful illustration in Job (9:33) where he talks about longing for a person that would place his hands on the shoulders of both Job and God - to be a mediator to their relationship - a present, intimate, tangible expression. That idea/longing is made real in the person of Jesus. Such a wonderful picture of connection - I wish others could see it.

The breakout sessions were also very upbuilding. The first I travelled to was about leaving behind all our preconceived methodologies for "doing" Church and replacing it with a solid cause that we could follow and invite others to follow. The Great Commission was the key text, and the speaker outlined in various stages what Christ accomplished and made possible for us through his resurrection. This has actually been a hot topic lately with the "Lost Tomb of Jesus" controversy, so I had been doing some reading on the topic. I wholeheartedly agree that the resurrection is the "foundation" of a moving faith - of true discipleship and purpose. "If the resurrection is true, everything changes."

The second breakout was on the topic of Christian counseling and how the language of lament can empower us to serve others, even in their darkest times. The issue of counseling has been big in my life because there have been numerous times where I felt like God has led people to me so that he could love and support them through me. It is a very humbling and scary place to be in (because I am grossly underqualified). While I don't think I have a direct future in counseling, I know that being a minister of Christ is a call to counsel others in truth, love, and (hopefully) healing. It was also a time of "healing" for me in again hearing the truth that being in a state of lament and depression does not equate disbelief, faithlessness, or failure. Sometimes pain and sorrow are real things in our lives. We often experience things that are unspeakable (or that are difficult for us to speak) and there must come a time when we release that. God "cannot" love us or heal us until we are able to release that which most affects us.

One thing that stood out to me as I was writing this synopsis was Michael Card's point in that the only thing God requires of us is ourselves. It is when we reach the end of everything we have, and the only portion remaining to offer is our pain, weakness, and brokenness that we have what God actually desires. Looking to David in the Psalms (51:17) we see that true sacrifice is our innermost being (Romans 12:1?) and that this is a pleasing gift to God.

Sometimes all I've had is a broken heart. It's nice to know that I might have been closer to God in those moments - closer to offering him everything he desires - than when I felt puffed up in pride about my Christian piety and marvelous faith. I've never been over-zealous or massively-faithful towards God in the first place - but I have had the love and admiration that leads to a "pain" and "sorrow" in the loss of his presence.

I am lovesick for you, God. And hopefully that is exactly what you require of me.