Skim Milk Ruins Coffee.

I'm starting the month of February blog-stravaganza about fifteen minutes early, but I think that's okay.

In this post I am attempting to reach out to the (possible) readers of this little page for some advice - to see if I am right or just crazy.

I am looking for a good cup of coffee. More specifically, I am looking for a cup of coffee that tastes the same when I make it at home as it does when I go to a 'shop for it. Now, I understand the differences that will arise considering beans used, grind method, brewing technique, etc. I'm not looking for an exact replica - just a bit of continuity.

See - every time I have coffee at my house - it just doesn't work like it does elsewhere. I thought it was just the blend. Then, today, I thought it might be my travel mug...because that does tend to make things pretty - eh.

But, then it hit me. Skim milk (what I put in my coffee here at the house) is basically the equivalent of white water. So when I mix that in with my cup of joe, no matter how strong I tend to make it, it dilutes and ruins the taste.

Or at least that's my hypothesis.

So I turn to you, devoted(?) readers:

Is it the skim milk? Does that (in your experience) seriously screw coffee up? What kind of liquid creamer should I get?

I'm not sure if you still read the blog, Crystal - but I would love to hear from you on this...you're the only person I know who could speak with any authority on this subject.

Thanks in advance everyone. Send me word!

Updates.

Starting tomorrow, for the entire month of February, I am going to try to blog at least once per day. Nothing extravagant, but I at least want to try to get my thoughts down as they come, or just keep this thing a bit more up-to-date on my life. After all, what good is my constant procrastination if I cannot utilize Blogger for a bit of constructive time use?

Anyway - if you'll look over to the right, underneath my picture/profile link, you'll see that there is a new button there. An e-mail button. You can now click on that and it will open your e-mail client and you can send me messages directly, without having to use the comment feature. So, please, take advantage of that - I'd like to hear from whomever actually reads this thing...even though my site statistics say that the average visit length isn't even a second :)

Anyway - hope to hear from you all...and I (hopefully) will be writing...starting tomorrow...maybe :)

myBucks? myLife?

This evening marked quite the church service for me. In fact, sitting in the parking lot of my friend's apartment complex, quickly "dissecting" the evening's message - made me realize that God had actually been using the past week to communicate, through several diverse messages, a concept that I so eagerly long to accept and model in my life. And so, it might be best to start from the beginning.

Wednesday night marked another High School Ministry evening. In the life group I co-lead, we are really trying to give our guys a vision and heart for service - in the church, community, nationally, and internationally. Somehow, by the grace of God, after only one week of prayer and off-time - we were presented with opportunities to fill every one of those areas. We only hope the Spirit of God will continue to move us in the right direction. (Big Picture, #1)

Move to Saturday morning - around 8 A.M. I attended Southland's Men's Ministry meeting to get in touch with someone who is assisting me with finding a mentor/discipler. The message/series is on fighting sexual sin in our lives. However, rather than simply going over what every Christian male has heard numerous times before (and some/most of us have ignored) - the topic focused quickly on the fullness of God in us. The unimaginable power right "under the covers" that is at our disposal. (Big Picture, #2)

Now to Sunday morning - College Café. This weekend our services focused on iBucks - the issue of money and stewardship. This turned me on to the aspect of the "Big Picture" in the first place. It also reiterated numerous concepts I had heard before, thoughts I was having about my own life (relevant experiences, spiritual desires). To those who receive much, much will be expected. The importance of advancing the Kingdom of God. (Big Picture #3)

And, this evening. Wow. Physically exhausting prayer, deep worship. Hard questions. Difficult paths. An absolute amazing revelation into the (hopeful) future of our church, the community, the world.

Are we, as Christians, truly supporting the Kingdom cause? Do we, or are we willing to, surrender everything - our time, our money, our lives - to the call to love God, and...just as important...to love others?

I certainly am not currently achieving this.

But what is stopping us?

"Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater that he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4 (ESV)

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1 (ESV)

It was the loudest I have ever heard it before in church tonight - the music, the voices, and the powerful voice of God telling us to go. To break down walls. To love without fear. To give without reservation. To bring the news of Christ to every soul we encounter. To sacrifice much, if need be, at the feet of Christ so that we can be proper stewards of God's grace upon us, and generous propagators of our massive wealth - financially and spiritually.

Sorrow, Part Two

My heart breaks for this world, Lord. Though I do not love it like You, my heart mourns. Why do we mock You? How can we turn our back to You? Why are we allowed our idols? What do we hold onto?

You are a consuming fire, Lord – set us ablaze. We are not ready for You – but we need You desperately. God I yearn for Your presence with an anguished soul. My spirit cries out for Your righteousness.

I am weak. I am tired. I am hurt. I am confused. I am failing.

I thirst for Your presence. Thirst for Your holiness. Thirst for Your righteousness. Thirst for Your love. Thirst for You.

You have laid Yourself heavy upon me and my strength fails.

I want to know You. I want to know You like I am fully known. I want to see Your glory. I want to be where You are.

And I am afraid. Fear. Anxiety. Doubt.

Be my rescue.

But, save us also from ourselves.

Jeremiah 8:19-9:7 “My joy is gone; grief is upon me; my heart is sick within me. Behold, the cry of the daughter of my people from the length and breadth of the land: ‘Is the LORD not in Zion? Is her King not in her? Why have they provoked me to anger with their carved images and with their foreign idols? The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.’ For the wound of the daughter of my people is my heart wounded; I mourn, and dismay has taken hold on me. Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has the health of the daughter of my people not been restored? Oh that my head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! Oh that I had in the desert a travelers' lodging place, that I might leave my people and go away from them! For they are all adulterers, a company of treacherous men. They bend their tongue like a bow; falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me, declares the LORD. Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer. Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity. Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit, they refuse to know me, declares the LORD. Therefore thus says the LORD of hosts: ‘Behold, I will refine them and test them, for what else can I do, because of my people?’”

Purify us, Lord. Make true Your promise to refine us like silver and make us bringers of righteousness. Pour out Your mercy until it overflows within us. We are nothing without You.

Prove Yourself, Lord. Let us testify to You, of You, by You.

We want to open the door. We hear You knock. We long to commune with You.

Fill our hearts. Have mercy on us. We are Yours.

Christmas Response.

I didn't write specifically about the choice made by Southland regarding Christmas-day services because, though I had an urge to, I felt it best to leave that in the hands of our senior minister Jon Weece - and more ably - God.

However, I came across on our site today the responses to Jon's urging our body to be the church-outside-of-church on Christmas day. (See the original article here).

Before I post the link to the stories of Jesus moving through our congregation, I want to prepend it with this verse:

"But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." (Galatians 6:14)

The following link, and the stories outlined there, are not meant to be personal boasts of our own achievements - rather, they point to God and say, "I get it, Lord - send me to do your good works prepared for me, and to bear fruit for your glory." Many members of our church stood behind the decision made by our elders, and also took action to reach the world for Christ on Christmas. I hope these stories move you like they did me.

Southland Serves on Christmas

Sorrow, Part One.

Written January 5, 2006 (Bus Ride Home from Passion 2006):

I’m not entirely sure where my sorrow came from. There are, in certain regards, environmental factors that could have led to it (sickness in the family and with friends, loneliness, etc.). It could also be an effect of the sin in my life – numbing my heart and soul. However, I think it is much more than that – it is a yearning, a desire, a hunger for God that is so insatiable that not even an 18,000+ crowd praising, praying, and being with God for four days could fill. It also shows me that I cannot rely on big, flashy events to determine my standing with God. Though He was undoubtedly present at all times during the conference – I felt so far from Him. I longed for more of His presence – for my life obviously, but also just for Him to be near. I have realized I am ruined to this world – and even much more to the euphoric effect of conferences or other deep spiritual events. I hunger, ache even, for God’s presence at the deepest parts of my soul.

“…As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?” (Psalm 42:1-2)


Written January 7, 2006:

I had been talking and thinking about this today with my close friend and his fiancé, and I even had some verses down to further support my “sorrow” and the feelings and thoughts I am having now. But, I am continually feeling this urge in me to be strong and to not be afraid. So…I looked up some verses – and this is what I came up with:

“…Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; my enemies trample on me all day long, for many attack me proudly. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” (Psalm 56:1-4, emphasis mine)

“But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a youth'; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD."” (Jeremiah 1:7-8)

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)

My friend made an amazing point tonight that I knew in my head, but I want to put to practice in my life to try and combat this funk I’m in.

One – Jesus is 100% worthy of all glory, honor, and praise – regardless of me or my situations or anything else. He does not owe me anything, and deserves everything because of who He is. And that’s not even to include what He has done, for me and for the world – His suffering, His cross, His love. So – my feelings might come and go (and do) and my heart might worry, and my head might wonder – but Jesus is Christ the Risen Lord…and I will praise Him with everything I can…joyous or sorrowful – because He is worthy.

Another thing I take out of those verses above – and all the promises that I’ve seen reading through the Bible is that God is faithful. And that everything relies on God – whether that be good or bad, belief or unbelief, happiness or sorrow. My salvation is in his hands – it is a reflection of the glory of His grace and there is nothing that I did to earn it, nothing I can do to try to maintain it (by my strength or works or whatever). I just need to rest in God and be strong with His strength, not mine.

It’s like my heart and soul long for God – long to be completely satisfied in Him – love Him and ache for Him and need Him to survive – but my mind is continually warring with it saying “God does not exist. God does not/cannot love you. You are not a Christian. You are stupid acting like this…etc., etc.” And then it goes a step further and says, “This isn’t Satan saying this, it’s you.” I hate to give Satan ANY credit, but he has gotten pretty good at his job.

Where I am right now – I just feel so afraid that I cannot keep this up…that I am too weak to fight this fight of faith against temptation, and sin, and the world, and Satan. And then I see these amazing Christians around me who are so on fire for God – and I cannot see that in myself, and then I have the fear that I might NEVER see that and will not grow up to be a mature Christian. And there is NOTHING in this world I want more than to be mature in Christ, in this life. And it just seems SO very far away right now.

“My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!” (Psalm 119:28)

I Want This.

Several posts should follow in the coming days when I have a chance to sort through everything revolving around Passion 2006. However, I came across an article today on another blog that convicted me, saddened me, and put a deep desire in my soul.


http://www.epm.org/articles/worthy.html

The article tells the story of a man and his two sons who were martyred for Christ and the effect it had on their family and the people around them.

On January 23rd of 1999, Graham and his two sons, Phillip (11 yrs.) and Timothy (6 yrs.) were murdered by a large mob of militant Hindus. They had gone to a Christian camp in the jungle, where Graham was ministering. At midnight the mob attacked, setting fire to the jeep in which Graham and his sons were sleeping. They were burned alive. When the fire finally cooled, they found the charred body of Graham Staines with his arms around the bodies of his sons.

The response this mustered from the man’s wife and daughter?

The response of Gladys and Esther was on the front page of every newspaper in India (with one billion people, soon to pass China as the most populous nation on earth). Gladys said, “I have only one message for the people of India. I’m not bitter. Neither am I angry. But I have one great desire: that each citizen of this country should establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who gave his life for their sins...let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ’s love.”

She said, “My husband and our children have sacrificed their lives for this nation; India is my home. I hope to be here and continue to serve the needy.” When asked how she felt about the murder of her dad, Esther, as a thirteen year old, said (in words that sound straight off the pages of the book of Acts), “I praise the Lord that He found my father worthy to die for Him.”

I wholeheartedly agree with the verse used for this story (Hebrews 11:35-38).

How deep I long to have the faith, courage, conviction, satisfaction, and love of Christ that these people have. I’m not there yet – not even close…but God do I long to serve You like this someday.

Lord invest in me and fill me not only with the desire I have now to be near you and serve you – but to have the faith and power in you to walk whatever road you place before me.

Welcome, 2006.

I no longer want a compromised and contrived vision of Christ. I no longer ache for a savior as the stepping stone to fulfilling desires that do not end in joy in that savior. I despise not only my sinful self, but this world that so easily ensnares me and allows me to settle for something far less than Christ Himself. I am sick and tired of believing I can find fulfillment in anything else. I am in pain that my eyes are so blind, my mind so dumb, and my heart so dull. I am afraid of the darkness into which I can so easily fall when my focus is taken off of God and His life breathing in me.

I am called to be set apart, to be a light in the darkness – a reflection of the great light which is God. I have failed and do fail so many times in being that witness and my shame is ever with me. I long to be the man God has created me to be, not only for my sake, but that others might know the joy I have felt through Christ.

This marks yet another New Year’s Eve in which I have given little (read: no) evidence that I am a servant of Christ, a commissioner of the Gospel, a lover of God and His people. I end this post and begin this year with four prayers:

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” (Psalm 51:1-3)

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

“I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. / O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.” (Psalm 38:18 / :21-22)

“Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:6)