Welcome, 2006.

I no longer want a compromised and contrived vision of Christ. I no longer ache for a savior as the stepping stone to fulfilling desires that do not end in joy in that savior. I despise not only my sinful self, but this world that so easily ensnares me and allows me to settle for something far less than Christ Himself. I am sick and tired of believing I can find fulfillment in anything else. I am in pain that my eyes are so blind, my mind so dumb, and my heart so dull. I am afraid of the darkness into which I can so easily fall when my focus is taken off of God and His life breathing in me.

I am called to be set apart, to be a light in the darkness – a reflection of the great light which is God. I have failed and do fail so many times in being that witness and my shame is ever with me. I long to be the man God has created me to be, not only for my sake, but that others might know the joy I have felt through Christ.

This marks yet another New Year’s Eve in which I have given little (read: no) evidence that I am a servant of Christ, a commissioner of the Gospel, a lover of God and His people. I end this post and begin this year with four prayers:

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” (Psalm 51:1-3)

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

“I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. / O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.” (Psalm 38:18 / :21-22)

“Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:6)