I Might Just...

...have faith in some people after all.

Service tonight has absolutely amazing. It was probably one of the most spiritual experiences I have had since I started attending about a year ago. We spent a lot of time in silence, reading words off the screen to ourselves, praying, reflecting...and although I normally get a bit wigged out by this (definitely did a bit at Passion '05/'06) it was actually great, looking back now. There was a time, while the congregation sang "Stand in Awe" that I felt such an amazing weight lifted off of me - I seriously felt like I was floating into the rafters. As the voices of the people singing rang out - there was such an aura, an ambience - and I swore that if I opened my eyes I would see heaven...I have never heard sound like that before.

Jesus was there tonight. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that He was in our midst. When we took communion - it was exactly as I've always wanted it. Everyone went and got the bread and juice, returned to their seats - and waited. Total silence. Then the words from Matthew came across the screen and we had time to reflect on what these small items in our hands represented. Again, for probably the first time since I started back to church - communion meant something. I heard Jesus' talking. I understood (to a point) what everything meant. I said "Thank you" about a hundred times. I couldn't stop.

I'm still a pessimist. That won't change overnight. And I am still bitter about a lot of the stuff that goes on in this world. I'm also really sad that there are SO many people who might never experience this...night. But I had actual hope tonight. If God will take a person like me, with my sin and shame and everything ugly about me, and love me...then I'm on board. He can do amazing things.

I wish everyone could have been there tonight. I wish everyone could see Jesus - the real Jesus...the non-hype Jesus, the not-what-that-Christian-told-you-He-was Jesus. I wish I could see that Jesus. Savor Him, love Him, know Him.

"And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." (John 17:3)

Help us know you, Lord.