i am...

...ignorant. I have believed so many erroneous claims about God, Jesus, His glory, His purpose, the Cross. I continue to buy into so many dead-ends and always seem to make the wrong decisions. I have fooled myself that the right path is ever before me. I’ve given up what is truly worth for trinkets and that which is fading.

…unwise. I thought myself to know so much and in turn proved my foolishness. I’ve made the choices to seek escape or degradation rather than running after the things that can open my eyes. I’ve missed the big picture and have lost the chance to enjoy true joy, happiness, fulfillment in so many ways.

…selfish. How many times have I made the Cross about me? There have been so many moments where I thought I had love pegged and knew without a doubt my illusion was it. I’ve tried to live a life of love and I can’t do it – at least not correctly.

…struggling. Sometimes my head is just above the water it seems. In so short a time I thought I had come so far – but I really just had a chance to fall back and far, a lot. Everyday is a battle and by my choices I am ill-equipped to fight it.

…hoping. There is a ray of sunshine. It is the Son. I wish I didn’t squint so much – or have to wear sunglasses. It’s so bright and I just don’t understand it. I think I can see it. He makes me feel so warm, I need Him to survive.

…longing. How my heart aches for truth. How my soul longs for unshakeable passion and a desire for nothing else but God. My fears and my self just keep getting in the way.

I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew God the way I should. I wish I was the person I was meant to be. I wish I could stop using “I.”

What words are there that are even worthy to describe Him? Open your eyes:

“…I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called out to another and said, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of hosts, the whole earth is full of His glory.” And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke.” (Isaiah 6:1-4)

You are. i am not.