Lay Down My Pride.

Well, it was okay while it lasted - but, hopefully with this decision it might actually become good. I made a big list of "to-dos" for the small group I'm part of (or, to be honest, was supposed to have been a "leader" of) for these past eleven-odd weeks. I made the decision a couple days ago to not pursue my ministerial credentials, and now I've made the decision to not be the "leader" of the small group anymore.

By God's grace, I'm not leaving the faith (hopefully, far from that). I decided not to pursue getting licensed as a minister at this time because I'm just not ready, if I am totally honest with myself. I've decided to stop leading the small group (as a teacher) because I'm just not ready, if I am totally honest with myself.

This evenings small group was what I would consider a disaster (God, of course, can work for His glory in anything...but I left Him quite a lot to shape up). I totally disheartened my friend about choices he was making (choices I think are biblically wrong) - but I did not come to him with my concerns in an edifying way. I "passionately" berated ("chastised") him for about two hours - and left him speechless at least three times. I cannot treat a brother like that and call myself a Christian - the two just do not jive.

So, I'm removing the stumbling block. Tomorrow evening we are meeting up to go bowl for his wife's birthday - and I plan to make my first priority upon getting there to embrace him and let him know I still love him - and to apologize profusely for my actions tonight. I'm then going to let out what God has put on my heart tonight - and, by His grace - maybe this relationship can start healing and our group (which is not, of itself, disbanding) can actually work for what I believe God's purposes for it are.

I haven't even been a Christian for 1 year yet - and to this day I had already decided to get licensed as a minister, be a leader/teacher of a small group (for Christians younger than myself), and I am going to be a leader for another group at Southland (which I still plan to pursue, because - thankfully - I will be part of a group of leaders and will be supported in everything). Just looking at all that (which doesn't include a lot of the other stuff I was doing to try and earn - ha, earn - God's affection) makes me realize WHY I have been SO tired and drained lately.

Thank you, Lord - for Your wisdom and powerful, healing hand in my life...it is much needed.