Well...

I'm being accused right now. The details are inconsequential - but to those who have talked to me before, they would know why exactly I fell (and what I am being accused of). It's difficult right now - because this isn't something new (even in the last few days, honestly) and with my most recent decisions it seems like this is something I should have conquered by now - or at least be closer to the end of the battle. I admit total fault - I chose to listen to myself, to the flesh, rather than listen to Christ. He was there - the soft, intelligent, CORRECT voice...but my lust shut it out.

And so now I am putting it in the light. I have heard that Jesus is already telling Satan, right now, "It is finished." - and while I have faith in that and am sure that He will renew me, I just pray that He does not get tired of helping me back up. I am totally dependent upon His grace because I am very aware that I cannot make it on my own.

I won't ask for forgiveness - because His precious blood took care of that long before I was ever even a thought on this earth...but I will ask for His continued faithfulness and love. I will ask for Him to take my hand and show me better how to listen to the Holy Spirit and have courage to face temptation and respond, always, with an adamant "No."

Thank you so much God - even in this time where I have turned from you - for being more loving and awesome than I can imagine.