Lay It Down.

I had been "struggling" with the topics presented in the last post. I took it to some friends at small group, to another friend who is a minister (John), and mentioned it to a few others as well. Either way, a few days after doing all this walking around and "thinking" on the subject (not in-depth studying or anything like that) I wrote the following:

What of the debate between “Universalism” and “Calvinism”?
What of the debate between literal and figurative?

I rest them both – and all others not even mentioned here – in God’s capable hands.

Isaiah 40:13
Isaiah 55:8-11

Both of these assure me that God’s Ways are above my ways. His Thoughts are well beyond my own. I am not His counselor and will not direct His Spirit, His Will, or His Anything.

I dare not prescribe to any theologies of man – because my Lord is in Heaven. I trust in God’s Word and put myself under its authority for all things – and I refuse to let it become a burden, a stumbling block, or anything that will take my thoughts from God. I will not use the Bible for personal gain or victory – but will celebrate the victory of Christ.

In that, I conclude. I will continue to preach the Good News that Christ is Lord, to the glory of God (Philippians 2:11) because I know that to be infallible. As for what comes of those who never realize this truth – I pray that God the Father has mercy upon them (of which He showed to me), but beyond that I cannot take authority (nor will I ever try to).

He alone is God – and I submit my life to Him that He might work His Will through and in me. Without Christ I can do nothing (John 15:5), so I submit to Him that I might do all things with Him (Philippians 4:13).

I think that it pretty much sums itself up - but my reason for posting this was to get this out and over with, as well as bring up a topic - laying things down.

Jim (a minister at Southland) spoke on this during our study of David last week. There is great importance in laying down any burdens one is carrying and allowing God to take care of the situation how He sees fit. Sure, I was all into that. "Let's get this baggage off!" However, it wasn't until a conversation I had with a friend yesterday afternoon/evening that I realized that laying down something doesn't just have to be a bad thing you want out of your life - it can also be required to give up something you really want for God to work out how He wants things to transpire.

I have been struggling with being single for quite a while now. This July (not sure of exact dates) will mark 3 years that I have been single. Just looking at it now (with newly-opened eyes) I can see it really isn't that long...but it is something that has been eating away at me.

Here recently I had the chance to start talking to a girl at church who I am very fond of. I thought she was absolutely wonderful (from what little I knew about her). On Wednesday (5/18/05) we went out to coffee for conversation. In the short time we spent there together, I got to learn even more about this girl and found myself becoming even more involved with my longing for her (not just physically, honestly - but to our common qualities). Either way, for two weeks leading up to this and even sometime afterwards, I had been letting this encounter tear me apart, make me anxious, and all the rest.

Last night marked a time where I was able to take a look at things in a more realistic way. A way more tuned to what God had in mind, rather than what my plans happened to be for my perfection. In the small moment God and I shared, I was able to release some of this to Him - and I have found that there really isn't that much of a gnawing left behind right now. My fear and my desire are keeping me from letting it go 100% - but I can already see He is giving me the strength I need to fight past this and trust Him. (This just happens to be one of the many things I am seeing Him work on with this particular situation).

So...what was all the (probably) incoherent rambling about above? Well, not just a girl. Sure, that needed to get out REAL bad...but I have to realize that I cannot continue to fight with my own might. I cannot wish things, or pray things (for that matter) into existence. I cannot expect change immediately. I have to lay my burdens (good and bad) down. I have to trust God. I have to have patience. I have to stop worrying. I have to stop following my own paths and plans. I need to have faith.

I am thinking about going through and doing a "self analysis" of myself - because I have been getting into the bad habit lately of thinking everything is perfect for me. "I only have one more un-godly thing to work out and I'm there."

My advice: [1] Don't ever give up on God. [2] Don't ever think yourself perfect. [3] Don't ever give up on God.

Wow.

I have been walking around for a while quoting this phrase I heard from Beth Moore at Passion 2005 - "If in your pursuit for truth you find God getting smaller, you are being deceived." (Paraphrased).

It wasn't until tonight that I realized I was being deceived. I've had this voice in my head for a while - and every so often I'll have a thought about God and it will convict me of putting Him in a box. And what would I be doing by putting God in a box? Limiting Him.

I came across a page tonight - http://bible-truths.com/ - that I thought at first was just some guy spouting off crackpot ideas. I've gone through about six articles on the page (particularly the "Part 1 - Letter to Dr Kennedy ones) and I see God almost completely differently now. He has gotten a lot bigger, a lot more powerful, a lot more compassionate, and a lot more of a lot of things.

I won't really go into detail about this man here, it might be best to read what he has to say and come to your own conclusions...but everything said seems to be based around biblical truth - and makes sense with a lot of the teaching I have had, and a lot of the experiences/revelations/etc. as well.

Post comments of your thoughts...I'd like to see what people think.

I'm Astonished...

at what an Amazing God I serve. He constantly shows me love, compassion, faithfulness, and so many other graces that I cannot even name or compare them. Today, I was very far from being a light of this world - and if someone had been keeping track, I was not making my God seem very important. Throughout this all, however, I return home tonight to find that one of the assignments I had been worried about for a class that had been giving me a lot of trouble I made a perfect score on. Not just passing, mind you - 50 out of 50. This might just seem like "good luck" or the teacher giving me a break, or some other odd excuse you might come up if you don't know my God...but it was Him all the way. He had His hand on this situation and, as He has done numerous times before, pulled me through to a brighter day.

I am so glad He loves me the way He does - and has allowed me to be in a personal relationship with Him. Not that I really have to wait to do it, but I cannot wait for services tomorrow. I have a lot to celebrate.

Thank you so much, for everything.