Magnetic.
"You're magnetic
I can't help it...I'm stuck on you
There's something magic in the way that you love me
I'm stuck on you." (Sanctus Real - Magnetic)
If I'm honest, and I imagine I am, my faith is incredibly fragile. Part of that comes from the fact that I am relatively new to it (only a couple years). Another part comes from the fact that I have an intellectual bend and natural curiosity - which can get someone into trouble fast when it comes to matters of faith.
This I noticed tonight as I drove home listening to the song above - thinking about the amazing day I had and the powerful message delivered at church this evening (all lending to a very satisfied spiritual attitude), yet still feeling the pangs of doubt, fear, and other such things I would rather be rid of.
Amidst this - I found truth in the words above. The love of God, the love I have experienced and found in Jesus - this amazing person described in the Bible...it defies my logic, my understanding. Every time I am confronted with this love it pierces into me and destroys my hardness of heart, my intellectual walls, my doubt, my everything. Yet, it does not leave me weak or killed.
I have never experienced anything like this before. With friends, with family - our strongest bonds are never like this. Our returns from fights or time apart - it never feels like this. The greatest moments in my life, apart from God, never have the satisfaction - the fullness - that I feel in the presence of this love.
And so I grab hold of it - wrestling my own internal dialogue and efforts to destroy something beautiful - and I hope against everything that I will not lose sight of something as precious as this. Every day is a battle, every thought can be a struggle - but there is peace and rest to be found.
I never knew what I was in for - the worst of the worst, the best of the best.
2 comments:
It is ok to be intellectual. (I, however, no not know this from experience) It is ok to ask questions. God knows better than anyone that we do not have it all figured out.
I propose that we can get into trouble faster by suppressing intellect and curiosity than we can by owning it as ourselves.
Honesty is one of the first steps to true humility. True humility is one of the first steps to completely appreciating the wonderful and overflowing Grace of Jesus. If we weren't so frail and fragile, then Grace wouldn't taste so sweet.
The grace I have found is very sweet - and it has certainly changed me (in very great ways). I just tend to get a bit frustrated when I cannot perfect something, or when I fail, or when I don't understand. All of these are things I will have to grow patient to, and will have to understand are parts of the life I have chosen.
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