AHHHHHHH!

While that was just an attempt at a funny headline - it almost does mirror my current internal attitude (which has, of yet, failed to emit itself from my body). I will not lie and try to invite everyone to a pity party - far from it - I'm actually doing (probably) the best I have done since I started following Christ. God's great mercy has pulled me from the miry pit I found myself in not three months ago and I am currently standing upon the Rock. However, Satan (the vile villain he is) has decided to remind me of the truth that I am in the middle of a war, and even though I have sided with the victor - he intends to remind me daily of my struggles, my sins, my shortcomings.

I thank God, though, for the truth that in Christ I am "more than [a conqueror]" {Romans 8:37}. Through a (brief) study of Job, reading various interpretations on it, hearing John Piper's words on this very verse in Romans - I am beginning to understand and believe the role Satan plays in God's will. While it might (and seems to) be unbeknownst to him who battles me, his very attacks are governed by God. My Lord holds Satan in check and only allows him to work within His (God's) will towards my tribulation that brings perseverance, then character, then hope {Romans 5:3}. It is in my sufferings (and I do not equate the current perils I face to be equal with some my brothers and sisters in Christ are currently suffering) that I am assured of my justification and recognizing of my sanctification. In short - my goal to make "to live is Christ, and to die is gain" {Philippians 1:21} the song of my heart, soul, and mind must be accomplished through the refining of my faith through fire {1 Peter 1:6-8}. Today marks (as best I can measure) one year that I have been "aware" of the cross of Christ - so my journey continues and the road ahead of me looks and seems to be long and winding. My hope comes from God's promise to be always before me and always working towards the good of his servant who loves Him.

But what does the future hold? By the grace of God many more years of service to His kingdom; more time devoted to gaining/attaining/maintaining essential disciplines; exegesis, memorization, and preaching of the Word of God; further sanctification through the work of the indwelling Holy Spirit; a great increase in my faith, courage, forgiveness, mercy; and, hopefully, much more than I can either imagine nor anticipate. It's scary to imagine no growth in my future - but that just seems like a blatant lie cooked up by the deceiver - one in which I will happily depart myself if able.

Theological Seminary in about a year? Quite possibly - at least it continues to look more like something I'm being moved towards. I've had varying opinions about when I should enroll and what I should study. Again, by the grace of God I pray not only for guidance, but for His path for me to be shown.

"For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)