A Short Leash.

(Thanks, Will, for continued conversation - and inspiration).

// What is it about me that God takes delight in? //

This may seem readily obvious to most (and I'll admit, I understand it myself in a way) - but if you were to peel back my life, removing layers of doubt, insecurity, hypocrisy, and the like - you would find that my biggest desire when it comes to being a Christian is to be loved. Not just by other people (because that's often difficult to find regardless of what you believe) - but by God. And not just some invisible thing out there in the sky - but by a personal, powerful, life-transforming, giving-each-breath-meaning person. I don't want God to be an idea, or a belief, or a being. I want him to be present. And in that presence I want him to treasure me. Not because I may deserve it, or earn it (due to, in my life, falling short in both cases), but...

...simply because he does.

That is exactly what I found when I first became a Christian. That is what called to me. What seemed beautiful without competition. What was worth becoming a different person. What made me a different person.

And yet I so often lose sight of a love like that. A simple thing, yet so profound.

Falling back into discussing theology. Or working hard. Or serving more. Or believing something different.

All of that good. All of that, at the same time, very distracting.

Now don't get me wrong. I want to please God. I want to love God back. Not because I have to. Or need to. Or am perfectly capable of doing. But because love is a great thing. It is a good gift. And I feel like this God I have an idea about - that I've seen and experienced - that I know (somehow)...he deserves a good gift.

// So...how am I loved (how do I remain in this love)? How do I love? //

Is it simple? Does it really come down to believing a check-list of facts? Does it come through adherence to a bullet-list of rules and regulations?

Or does it just exist?

Permeating all things. Broken and dirty because of this world it currently occupies - but still moving and fighting. Perfect (enough). Outside of myself (independent). Part of me (living, breathing, growing).

I'd like to believe that it is (easy). I see that, faintly - like a rising light on the horizon. Right after you wake from a slumber and your eyes are still masked by sleep. Blurry. Radiant. Understated. Often misunderstood.

Jesus tells me to follow him. I'd like to think I am. I'd like to think he has me on a short leash. For my benefit of course. I've got to be "free" because there's adventure and curiosity raging in my blood and bones. But I've got to be tied because I have no idea where I am going and I'm prone to wander.

Guide this man you Good God. I trust you.

Foolishness.

I am a foolish man. Oft masquerading as the opposite.

The longer I live and the more I learn, the more I realize how very little I know.

It's a good understanding. One worth raising a glass to.

Here's to the realization of foolishness!

(My apologies to anyone who has had to deal with my - probably frustrating - supposed expertise).

Patience And Thankfulness.

(Joshua Harris - thanks for the inspiration...and clarity)

Those who know me well know that I want to get married (eventually). I think marriage is a good thing. I believe it is Biblical. I also imagine myself being an alright husband because I feel God has given me admirable qualities and is working in my life to conform me to the image of his Son (who is the greatest husband of all).

Since I am 23, I think it is alright that I am not married yet. However, it has been a struggle in my personal life to both appreciate the fact that God obviously wants me single (since I am) while understanding, appreciating, and controlling my healthy attraction to the opposite sex and desire for relationship.

// I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. //

I don't believe Paul is dogging marriage here. If so, I would argue he's bad-mouthing a reflection of Jesus' relationship to us. Rather, I think he is pointing out the blessing of singleness - if that is the place one finds himself when on the journey towards Jesus.

A man, in relationship with a woman, is concerned about her well-being (mentally, physically, spiritually, etc). Rightfully so. This attention, however, often diverts the man's focus from God. Not necessarily in a negative way - because he can still love God and others by loving his wife faithfully; but there is a relinquishing of freedom: time, money, courage, solitude, etc. Again, not necessarily negative "losses" - but definite differences in perspective of singleness.

And so Paul tells men (and women) to seek the Lord in whatever situation they find themselves in - and to cherish that place until moved elsewhere.

// I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife...This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. //

And here Paul asks each person to evaluate where they are in life. Are the times profitable for taking on a spouse? Would it be dangerous? Would it cause unnecessary distress or distraction?

A person should not pursue any type of romantic relationship without the end (marriage) in mind. Commitment. Sacrifice. Service. Selflessness. Love.

Are you financially stable (fiscally-independent)? Are you taking care of your body? Are you growing (bearing fruit) in Christ? Are you taking responsibility for your life? Can you love?

Unless your answer to all of these is a definitive "Yes" - you probably need to be single. Not that the Lord will perfect you in all of these areas before blessing you with a spouse - but he's probably not going to give you charge over his son or daughter if you can't even take care of yourself.

So what is the point?

To trust God.

To be present each day of our life - thankful for breath and patient for the Lord's provision. The promise comes to those who seek him.

And so I am going to personally strive for this patience and thankfulness.

If there is a woman out there who finds herself wanting to marry me (hey, I'm not counting out the possibility), I ask you to search your heart to see what kind of person you are. Then, petition God to see what he has planned for you. Finally, I ask you to be patient while he brings us together (if that's his plan).

I'm getting started on my end of the deal.

Hey. Is Jesus Here?

// Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' //

Larry is 50 years old. He lived in Northern Kentucky almost all his life. He used to install auto-glass. It was stressful. He lived in a nice house, drove a brand-new Jeep, and was married to a wonderful woman. The last five years before he ended up here were a little rough. He started drinking a little; then more; then it was a 12-pack every day of the week. He'd come home, turn on the cable in the basement, and watch and drink until time to go to bed.

He showed up here three years ago. Divorced. Fresh out of jail for a DUI. Going through a homeless-shelter program for recovery. It worked. He graduated, got a job, got an apartment. Things were great. Then he started drinking again. His brother offered help before - but he spent that jaunt back in northern Kentucky drunk. There's not much contact now.

// Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' //

Bobby has an awesome beard. He's much older than Larry - at least he looks it. The world and this life have been, presumably, very rough to him. He's a Vietnam veteran - wounded in action. He tells a story of entering into combat with a buddy of his. There's a grenade. His buddy covers it, dives on it. Bobby loses part of his shoulder.

Bobby and Larry met about a week ago. They've been hanging out since then. He (Larry) is trying to catch a bus to Louisville tomorrow. He's married - but there's a Native American girl up there who is in love with him. He says she wants to marry him, but he's not like that. She'd just be a great help. A great hope - to get off these streets.

// And the King will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' //

People who have lost almost everything will teach you what matters. Things like food, avoiding fights, and a good night's rest. They'll teach you that liberties can just as quickly become curses. That a bottle of water can open the door to conversation.

// A toothbrush and some toothpaste. A $10 McDonald's gift card. A Bible. Socks. First-Aid Kit. Kleenex. Hand Sanitizer. A couple bottles of water. 30-minutes of my time. //

That's what I left with Larry and Bobby. $30 and 30-minutes. I've spent more than that on the pictures that hang on my wall at work. It's very simple to see which is more important when you have a bit of perspective. That perspective comes when you take a moment out of the rush to sit down, give a couple guys some water, and ask their names.

// [Jesus asked] 'Which of these...do you think, proved to be a neighbor...?' [The man answered], 'The one who showed him mercy.' And Jesus said...'You go, and do likewise.' //

Stalker-esque.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am often fascinated by my human counterparts. I tend to believe we are incredibly complex creatures. Add to that my general, constant state of curiosity - a desire to know - and you can find me enjoying such things as: people-watching, picture-taking, social-network-profile-checking, etc.

I was perusing Blankenship's blog this morning and found this beauty of a Flickr pool. No doubt hours of, probably better spent, time are ripe for the searching through of such (seemingly) meaningless fluff.

Here's to finding out what various people carry around with them daily.

A Lovely Bride.

I am thankful for Derek Webb's beautiful lyrics for the song "The Church" on She Must and Shall Go Free. Every time I come around to this final track, I am reminded of both the commitment of Jesus to His Chosen Bride and the importance of that relationship.

// I have come with one purpose
To capture for myself a bride
By my life she is lovely
And by my death she's justified //

Few things frustrate me more than the massive disunity that exists within the Christian Church (universal). There are so many denominations (read: divisions) that one could easily become confused as to who believes what, and whether anyone agrees with anybody else. We are certainly not pursuing unity - and I honestly believe this is to our shame.

// 'Cause I haven't come for only you
But for my people to pursue
You cannot care for me with no regard for her
If you love me you will love the church //

In my past (and present) I have been very vocal about the shortcomings of various Christian "entities" - including my own church. I think my heart was looking for the right thing (unity, Christ-centered theology, love) - but I needed to be reminded of something - the wonderful, powerful, jealous love Jesus has for his Church - and that Church includes not just myself, but my church - and various others that are deeply flawed.

// I have always been her husband
Though many lovers she has known
So with water I will wash her
And by my word alone //

I believe, now, that instead of being critical of other churches - "she has a blemish on her face; her hair is messy; her clothes are old and dirty" - we should look at them as fellow parts of Christ's bride. Our goal should not be reformation for it's own sake - but should be embowered by the Spirit of God to wash and cleanse his bride...presenting her without flaw for his return to wed her.

// I have long pursued her
As a harlot and a whore
But she will feast upon me
She will drink and thirst no more //

Paul calls the relationship of marriage a mystery. He says it relates to Jesus and the Church, his bride. The imagery becomes even more confusing, and intense, when we hear the words of Jesus - telling us to eat his flesh and drink his blood. Is this, though, not what we are after? That we would consume to essence of our lover - becoming one with them. That their life-blood would heal us, sustain us, and give us life?

So I pray that we turn to our bridegroom and beg him to come to us - to give us himself - that we might feast upon him, becoming one with him. And in this unity we will find a great covenant - an unshakable lovingkindness - that will be our life and love for all time.

Here is to our bridegroom, for choosing us - great adulterers - to be his bride.

Do Not Just Dream. Do.

C.S. Lewis restarted my understanding and desire to move with his wonderful quote about moving "from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing." Repeated conversations with friends about being more than just good theologians - but actual doers of the word - facilitated the need to be above complacency and inaction.

And yet I find myself in the same pit. A fire burning in my mind and soul, with my legs seemingly set in stone.

And so, as it seems to be with all matters of my faith recently, I search for the simple practicality of it all. What small steps can I take, day-by-day, to...simply...move? The answer I keep coming up with is to look to the author and perfecter of my faith: Jesus.

His practicality was to meet needs. But not just physical needs, because everything is spiritual. There was a wholeness to his miracles and his work. He would heal the sick, raise the dead, teach the unlearned, love the downtrodden, forgive the sinner - but he would also point to repentance - a changing of the mind and heart. Mercy, love, service, and the like were not just personal, political, or religious obligations - they were matters of deep, spiritual commitment, revival, and character.

You are the overflow of your heart.

And Jesus was like no other at revealing the true nature of peoples' hearts. Even those who were marvelous at hiding behind piety - covering their blackened hearts with skin-level, self-righteous works - could not fool Jesus. They were fools.

So I don't want to even start trying to play that role.

So I am praying for an overflow from my heart to my will. That the things I agree with, or consider worthy...beautiful...correct...Christ-like - those things will become who I am and what I do.

Here is to walking the path oft only perceived.

(Just) Five Things About Jesus.

I was tagged by Will while on vacation, and I'm at a place now (mainly, home) when I can think about my response.

Without further ado: 5 Things That Make Me Feel Like Jesus Is Pretty Cool

1. He knew one of his friends was going to stab him in the back, his closest buddies were going to desert him, most people were going to hate him, and that his life was going to be 33 years of suffering, and still chose to come to us.

2. Regardless of how often I screw up (very often, for those who don't know me), how bad of a job I do representing him, and the fact that I was partly to blame for him dying, I still get an overwhelming feeling he loves me (and wants me).

3. I have found that living like Jesus (while extremely difficult and sometimes painful) really is the best way to live.

4. All of my questions/doubts/rebellion, that remain even after becoming a Christian, cannot stand against him.

5. Of the many great things I've seen and done in this life, nothing calls to me with such beauty and love like Jesus.

And, to go along with the flow, I ask these five people to send me their 5 reasons:

. Christen
. Joshua
. Karen
. Vic
. Dotty

One More Shot.

I'm up late. Listening to (and re-living in my mind) the Dispatch show. So, one more from NYC.

New York Five.

5 Things I Really Liked About NYC:

1. The view from Empire's 86th floor.
2. Coffee in Greenwich Village (wish I could have spent more time there).
3. Subways.
4. Central Park (wish I could have spent more time there).
5. (Almost) everything being at least 5-10x bigger than I'm used to.
6. Dispatch, Live (This isn't really part of New York, so I'm not counting it against the 5).

I'll have some shots on Flickr (hopefully) by the end of the week.
These few will have to tide you over.

Fours.

Inspiration = Joshua Longbrake.

Four Things I Am Thankful For, Right Now:

. Jesus (I don't care if it sounds typical, I honestly believe he has changed my life - and will continue to)
.. Freedom (It is not free...and I am thankful that I am learning to see that)
... People That Love Me (I often feel very alone, and these people remind me that I am not)
.... Life (It is a wonderful, beautiful, complex, crazy thing)

Four Things That I Love To Do (Right Now):

. Photography (This form, and all art for that matter, has changed my perception and perspective on life)
.. Read (It's starting to become something important to me again)
... Write (Again, a once loved pass-time that went dormant is slowly re-awakening)
.... Ministry (I love loving people and meeting their needs, however I can)

Four Musical Artists I Currently Appreciate:

. Muse (Complex, Atmospheric, Talented, Appreciated)
.. Thrice (Heavy, Light, Lyrically Astounding, Musically Phenomenal)
... Phil Wickham (New, Rich, Mood, Soulful)
.... Silence (I've been without music in my car now, on purpose, for almost 40-days. It has been wonderful)

Four People I Admire (Who Have Online Web Things):

. Will
.. Joshua Longbrake
... Daniel John Ott
.... Brad (OK, he doesn't have a web address...but I want him on this list)

Four Things I Want To Do By The Next July 4th (But Might Not Accomplish):

. Write The Great American Novel (I've got an idea I think just might work, but we'll have to see)
.. Go Backpacking / On A Road Trip (For more than a weekend or a couple miles)
... Love Well, Live Well (My goal for year 23 of my life)
.... Get Married (Why not?)

Four Things I'll (Hopefully) Definitely Accomplish By The Next July 4th:

. Buy A House
.. Leave KY At Least Twice
... Start Running (i.e, exercise)
.... Be More Involved With Ministry (Taking things more seriously, investing more; possible occupation?)

Four Places I Want To Be (Or Go):

. Poor Richard's
.. Europe (Specifically: Italy, Ireland, U.K., Germany, France, Spain...)
... The Place Talked About In Hebrews 13:14
.... Anywhere With Friends (and/or) Family

One (More) Thing I Am Thankful For:

. You (For reading all of this)

Questions.

I've had several drafts sitting around for quite some time. Most of them were simply questions that I had written down to remind myself what I was thinking about at the time and to facilitate brainstorming when it came time to compose an entire post.

Rather than let those questions sit around any longer, and because at least one person happens to be frustrated by my lack of updates for the past few months, I'm going to put all the questions down here (to possibly facilitate discussion). I've also added some new questions at the bottom that have come up here recently.

Feel free to comment with your thoughts/responses:

. How would we live if we knew everything we did, in private or public, would eventually become common knowledge? Would our lives change if we realized that, at some point, all our thoughts and actions would be displayed for all to see?

. What is the deal with relationships (speaking primarily of romantic relationships)? Why do we so strongly seek them? What is God's plan in this? His promise(s)?

. What is patience? And why is it so hard to attain? Why do we want to be patient? What is the appeal? How (practically) can we be patient?

. How would our perception(s) be changed if we had the opportunity to witness our lives, and the lives of others, through God's lens? Are our perceptions biased, or skewed, because of circumstances or preconceived notions?

. Are our dispositions to label things "right" and "wrong" echoes of the fall (and the introduction of the knowledge of "good" and "evil") - of not looking outside ourselves (to God) for the determinations? Is this labeling a form of judgment?

. Is calamity and pain (God's) wrath? Or warning? His punishment? Or correction? How do our perceptions of God's wrath need to be validated or examined when looking to Jesus on the cross?

. What is our perception of God and his relation to sinners ("unclean")? Does he draw near to such people? Can he coexist with them? How are our perceptions sustained/changed when looking at Jesus?

The lowly God.

I think, at least for today, that one of my favorite things about God is the fact that he is not afraid to stoop down; to take a position much lower than what he rightfully deserves. I don't think I fully understand , but it is very beautiful to me.

Monday evening, against the urgings of my body to head home and vegetate, I traveled to a local outreach that my church is partnering with as part of a plan to step beyond the walls we so often forget separate us from the very people we are called to love and support. God had been working on my heart for a while, so the beginning of this week marked the time for my body to follow suit.

I wasn't overly impressed when I finally found the place. The parking lot is big enough for three cars, if one person parks in the handicap spot. There is no ornate sign designating the location; in fact, I passed by it once before having to double-back. My first thought was "This is only a small headquarters. Nothing of great importance (with this organization) happens here."

I entered into the building and greeted a man waiting in a seat in the reception area. The entire building was vacant. Within moments another man emerged, shook my hand, and invited us back into a room surrounded by out-dated computers, an old piano, and a - from what I could gather - dysfunctional organ. There was a big-screen projection t.v. against the wall. We sat at a table facing it.

The man introduced himself, asked a few questions, and began to lay out the details of what the organization was about, its history, and where we might fit in. The entire time he spoke I felt embarrassed. Not for myself, but for this building and everything in it. I felt as if I was taking part in a first-time marketing scheme for some business venture that would never break ground. He showed us a 5-minute video that did little to ease the awkwardness.

After a tour of the facility, including the numerous rooms under construction, he brought us back into the meeting room and inquired about our desires for volunteering - who we were, where we were gifted, what we wanted from this experience. I shared with him about God's movement in my relational life - fostering a desire to love and encourage people. As he talked with the other (only) person who showed for the meeting I felt stuck...I was going to have to volunteer here, somewhere, out of obligation now.

And then God changed me.

I looked around the room and stopped feeling so embarrassed. It seems the smiling faces of the real people in the introductory video had finally burrowed their way inside of me. I thought about the big-time organizations spending millions of dollars to fix the wrongs on this broken world. My heart broke. Everything here (in this world) is still broken.

And I wondered to myself what God was going to do with this little rag-tag organization that seemed very unprofessional. Very ill-equipped. Suddenly, very powerful.

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.
And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."
(Philippians 2:5-8)

He who was God, is God, became nothing. Humbled himself. Died.

This humble God can do anything he wants. And I am of the mind that he wants to change the world, in some distinct way, through a little, unassuming building and the people way over their head inside it.

I hope to be a part of this.

Devotions, Part Two.

I was blessed with the chance to write another set of devotions for Southland. This time they are on the topic of understanding the role the Holy Spirit plays in the life of a believer. Hopefully they will be an encouragement to you.

Click Here To See Them.

Note: As stated with the last batch of devotionals I posted - these writings are property of Southland Christian Church.

Virginia Tech. (Thoughts)

Of all the things I have read since the unfolding of events at Virginia Tech, I think this is quite possibly the best explanation and best argument for our next step.

From: Desiring God Blog

"While others are already making the Virginia Tech massacre a political issue and looking vehemently for someone to blame, let us remember that “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9).

Our hearts and the murderer’s.

No x-ray machines, revised gun laws, or fired college presidents will solve the problem. We need new hearts (Ezekiel 11:19, John 3:3). We need Jesus."


Regardless of one's religious or spiritual disposition, I would argue this as truth - we need new hearts. We can shift blame to a variety of things - video games, dysfunctional relationships, gun-control, etc. - but what made that man kill yesterday was something dark within himself. All these other things, if anything, simply facilitated it. We must change our hearts - who we are - to change what we do.

I urge everyone to be silent, at least for now. Use this silence to pray - for the families of those who lost lives yesterday. For the identified shooter's family (who will no doubt enter into just as tumultuous times soon). For our own families and friends who weren't involved, but just as easily could have been.

Remain silent until the right time comes. And in that time let your words bring forth not hate, or blame - but love, encouragement, forgiveness, and support. The people who are left behind do not need increased campus security, or amended laws, or political and social speculation. They need the intimate, personal support of a community and a nation. Let us be that support.

Just Another Friday (?)

They told me I wouldn't do it. My honor was at stake.

Don't Miss It!

Thank the Lord for thunderstorms. For when you face such things, experience such power, you become blissfully aware of the truth of Scripture.

"The heavens declare the glory of Him"
For if such are merely thoughts
and quick works of his hands,
Than what but majestic is this God?

I quickly think to "The Reaping" and it's catchphrase - "What hath God wrought?" - as if the plagues of God represent him fully (as if the people who made this movie even understand the God who drafted those scourges). I imagine this is the case (because I can see it clearly in my own life right now). We see and experience things in this obviously imperfect world and that naturally calls into question the goodness of God (if he even exists to us). We are quick to forget the grandness and ability and beauty of this God of April thunderstorms - holding steadfast on present, but momentary, feelings of doubt and question.

Thankfully, that is exactly what they are - temporary. Because long after the echo of this campaign against God's shown might - the heavens (made new and perfect by his hands) will continue to eternally tell of his Beauty. And I tell you the truth, his beauty is good.

The storms and the clouds passed.
and in their wake left clear, clean, star-filled skies.
The storm was temporary (the storm is temporary)
I could see (I can see) the stars for the first time
since the storm began
My God, are they beautiful.

Empty.

Take heart, my friends, he is not just risen - but exalted.
Come near, my friends, the invitation is not closed.
His arms wide, his love beckoning, his embrace strong.
Forget what lies behind, see him before you.

I am grateful for quick morning stops like the one I had this morning at Waffle House. The food was terribly unhealthy for me, the coffee worse than I remember, but the moment of solitude in the company of fellow late-nighters a definite blessing. It was during this "meal" that I remembered today is Easter.

The significance of this day is just now starting to shine in my heart (and I say to my shame that this is not my first Easter knowing Jesus). I find it remarkable that I am just now taking hold of what a living Lord means. What a real God means. How that impacts my life in ways I never knew, nor (sometimes) wanted. I'm grateful that some of the walls are coming down.

I'm afraid to go to sleep in the next few hours because I know tomorrow I'll have to get up early to head to my grandmother's house - and that means I'll probably be my normal, cranky self. I'll be tired. I'll have sleep through the euphoria of late-night, homeward-bound revelations from God. It scares me I'm so fickle about something so incredibly important.

So I hope two things. One, I hope that anyone who might read this (and especially those who won't) will see Jesus this year. Maybe not today, but sometime before the end of 2007. I pray that he will be beautiful to you. He is glorious and I am just now waking up. I've still got those sleepy eyes that are sensitive to the sun and caked with slumber.

Two. I hope you make the decision to trust Jesus. I still feel awkward writing stuff like this, but I can't help writing the truth. I know it sounds - well - stupid. A fairy tale. A myth. A stupid religion. Whatever else.

I believe it and I love it. More accurately, I believe Jesus and I am falling in love with him.

May we all be resurrected this year.

Worship Arts Conference, Day One.

Thoughts from the Worship Arts Conference @ Campbellsville University - Day One:

The conference has actually been going a lot better than I imagined. This morning was a great time for worship. I had been feeling very reserved and also a bit dejected when it came to the act of worshipping God through song (at least corporately). I had a bad attitude, a numb attitude, sometimes an indifferent attitude. I pleaded with God to meet me there (in the past, and definitely this morning), to give me a time of joy in the music and singing - and he did. It was a great release. So you can have an idea, I was even moved during our rendition of "Amazing Grace" (I know, it MUST have been a big deal). That's not to say that tomorrow it won't all be back again - but there was a definite moment of peace and love and joy and it was wonderful. Praise Jesus for that!

In the main sessions we've been going over the idea that it is alright, even appropriate, to have an attitude of lament toward God. Looking at the example of Job, we can see that even though, in the end, Job realized he was in error and repented - his lament was real and was, in essence, a driving force that moved God to come near. The idea being presented is that our lament is a real communication with God - and in fact can be a worshipful experience. There's a lot of detail (ask if you'd like to check out my notes) but it has been very eye opening. I feel like I have spent the (almost) three years that I've known Jesus in a Psalm 13 place - and while there have been times of escape, it's been a real experience of lament. It was nice to see that I'm not a horrible Christian for being there. It was also a very hope-building encouragement to know that God loves me where I am at and even desires to draw near (and has, and will in the future) to restore and redeem me.

Another thing that I thought was really amazing was the idea that we need to stop looking for provision and need to start looking for presence. There is a beautiful illustration in Job (9:33) where he talks about longing for a person that would place his hands on the shoulders of both Job and God - to be a mediator to their relationship - a present, intimate, tangible expression. That idea/longing is made real in the person of Jesus. Such a wonderful picture of connection - I wish others could see it.

The breakout sessions were also very upbuilding. The first I travelled to was about leaving behind all our preconceived methodologies for "doing" Church and replacing it with a solid cause that we could follow and invite others to follow. The Great Commission was the key text, and the speaker outlined in various stages what Christ accomplished and made possible for us through his resurrection. This has actually been a hot topic lately with the "Lost Tomb of Jesus" controversy, so I had been doing some reading on the topic. I wholeheartedly agree that the resurrection is the "foundation" of a moving faith - of true discipleship and purpose. "If the resurrection is true, everything changes."

The second breakout was on the topic of Christian counseling and how the language of lament can empower us to serve others, even in their darkest times. The issue of counseling has been big in my life because there have been numerous times where I felt like God has led people to me so that he could love and support them through me. It is a very humbling and scary place to be in (because I am grossly underqualified). While I don't think I have a direct future in counseling, I know that being a minister of Christ is a call to counsel others in truth, love, and (hopefully) healing. It was also a time of "healing" for me in again hearing the truth that being in a state of lament and depression does not equate disbelief, faithlessness, or failure. Sometimes pain and sorrow are real things in our lives. We often experience things that are unspeakable (or that are difficult for us to speak) and there must come a time when we release that. God "cannot" love us or heal us until we are able to release that which most affects us.

One thing that stood out to me as I was writing this synopsis was Michael Card's point in that the only thing God requires of us is ourselves. It is when we reach the end of everything we have, and the only portion remaining to offer is our pain, weakness, and brokenness that we have what God actually desires. Looking to David in the Psalms (51:17) we see that true sacrifice is our innermost being (Romans 12:1?) and that this is a pleasing gift to God.

Sometimes all I've had is a broken heart. It's nice to know that I might have been closer to God in those moments - closer to offering him everything he desires - than when I felt puffed up in pride about my Christian piety and marvelous faith. I've never been over-zealous or massively-faithful towards God in the first place - but I have had the love and admiration that leads to a "pain" and "sorrow" in the loss of his presence.

I am lovesick for you, God. And hopefully that is exactly what you require of me.

Be Displaced.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to make the Invisible Children "event" this year - but I can promote it to the best of my abilities.

Click the link below to find out more information - and if you have some free time, sign up and participate.

If this is anything like Global Night Commute it will be absolutely amazing.

INVISIBLE CHILDREN - DISPLACE ME