Sound(s) About Right?

At work we are going through the book "Now, Discover Your Strengths." Along the way you are asked to take a test that uses your responses to try to capture five dominant strengths. While I maintain my skepticism with all of this, the results I got do look rather close to the perceptions I have of myself. We'll just have to see how these "strengths" play out in my day-to-day life and occuptation.

.Input –
(Inquisitive, Interested, Collector, Acquirer, Compiler)


.Ideation –
(Fascinated with Ideas, Creative, Original, Conceptual, Smart)


.Intellection –
(Like to Think, Exercising Thought, Introspective, Reflective)


.Developer –
(Find Potential in Others, Challenge Others, Confidant, Helper)


.Belief –
(Responsible, Altruistic, Spiritual, Ethical, Dependable, Prioritized)

Dream Big.

I feel a bit embarrassed that tomorrow will most likely be the first Martin Luther King, Jr. Day where I actually take time to reflect on the man and his accomplishments. I have only recently begun to look into his works, and I have only recently had eyes to see the dramatic effect he had on our nation. I just finished reading a great message by John Piper. It was specifically about interracial marriage, but the broad topic that it hits on - our equality in Christ - is certainly worth checking out. Also, once you've taken the time to read through that, click on the picture below for a transcript and video of Mr. King's most infamous speech.

Pale Blue Dot.

I think another great name for this post would be The Infinite and the infinitesimal.

Many of you might have already seen this, but I think it bears repeating. The astronomer's comments at the bottom are also very good. We seem so big when we look through the lens of our own eyes, our own perception. Thankfully, every now and then, we have the chance to step back and be humbled.

Click Here For the Pale Blue Dot

My faith in Christ, and what that specific moment in history represents, only makes this a larger statement. The Holy of Holies, which is magnificently greater than us, placed Himself in this universe, and much more, onto that pale blue dot. It blows my mind to think of what that actually signifies. I have the Gospel, I have many explanations - but I have not wisdom nor knowledge to understand.

He, like millions of others, was born, breathed, lived, died, and was resurrected on this little dot. The great I AM became like me to save me. You. Anyone who would say, "Yes...I will have your salvation."

Be reconciled to God. His brilliance is far greater than the void that surrounds our "great" blue dot.

Run Away.

Since it is never acceptable to pull a "no-call, no-show" - make sure to let your boss/work know...but, do not go in tomorrow. Wake up late. Eat something bad-for-you for breakfast. Drink a cup of coffee (even if you don't like it). Put on dirty clothes (right out of the hamper, or right off the floor). Get in your car. Start it. Roll down the windows (it doesn't matter if it's winter). Insert a CD into the player (hopefully you have a CD player, and hopefully the CD you put in is good). Now drive. You don't have to know where you're going, just drive. When you get there (and you'll probably know where there is by this point), park the car and just sit. Be silent. Now get out of the car and be loud. Run around; flail your arms like a madman. Sing a song. OK, get back in the car. Put in another CD. Start driving again. Find a mountain. Find a hill. Find some elevated spot away from everyone and everything. Get out the disposable camera you bought on the way here. Wait for it. The sun is about to go down. Get bored. Take some pictures of random things. Start taking pictures of the sunset. Run out of film. Sit. Marvel. Relax. Enjoy. Go home. Stay up way too late watching movies way too bad to waste your time on. Wake up early. Take a shower. Dress in clean clothes. Go to work. Realize that yesterday you were alive. Realize that you're also alive today. Enjoy.

Devotionals.

I recently had the privilege of writing a week's worth of devotionals for a message at my church about exploring the depths of God's love.

Below, you will find the link to the page where they are located. If you take the chance to read them, let me know your thoughts. This was my first real foray into writing something for the church that is widely used and distributed, so any helpful advice is appreciated (especially if I get the chance to do something like this again).

Please note, these devotionals are property of Southland Christian Church, not myself. As such, I cannot grant any right, nor do I give permission, to reproduce or distribute them by any means. If you, for some reason, have the desire to do so - please contact Southland Christian Church with your request.

Here's hoping for your enjoyment and growing devotion to the Lord through these:

Southland Christian Church Devotionals - Exploring the Depths of God's Love

(If for some reason the link does not work, please comment or email me and I will attempt to fix the problem.)

That's My Boy!

So, one of my new year's resolutions was to stop stalling, trust God, and adopt sponsor a child. I'll admit my reservations: I was worried about where the (small amount of) money I was going to be giving would be truly going; I was worried that this type of support was only a band-aid to a dramatic global condition - that what I was doing wouldn't amount to a hill of beans in this world. I'd never done anything like this before. I wondered whether my money would be better spent supporting the homeless, the widow, and the orphan here locally.

But I wanted to trust God. I wanted to put my money where my mouth was and take the step of faith that my measly dollars could actually improve someone's life. That I could enter into this sponsorship and pray for this child and that God would actually move in their life.

And so I just got done giving my information to World Vision. I'm now a child sponsor.

I'm not going to post his picture here, yet, because I don't know the "rules." But I can tell you that my boy's name is Eduardo. He lives in Nicaragua. He's seven years old. He likes to paint.

So I'm supporting an artist. Who lives in a country whose main export is coffee.

Seems like divine appointment to me :)

If you would - join me in praying for Eduardo, and for all the children who might not get sponsored today (or ever). Pray that I will stay committed to this journey. It's exciting - and I hope for all the best.

Email.

It's a bit late, I'm somewhat tired, and here's an e-mail I just wrote to my boss:

Subject: Man, It's Pretty Late.

I just got finished writing the devotionals and sent them off to... Hopefully they're what she's looking for. She said she would publish them regardless, which I guess makes sense because otherwise she'd have to write them herself or have no devotionals. But, I guess it's also dangerous in that she asked me to complete them...but she can't be faulted for that because she doesn't know me that well.

Anyway - I was on webmail and got the urge to write you, so here I am. I'm listening to John Mayer sing, very well actually, about how we suck a whole lot because all we do is wait for the world to change. Pretty deep stuff, if you ask me (and then stick around to hear my opinion on it). But, as of this moment, all I really have is opinions - so I guess I haven't done much to help the world to change, other than releasing hot air (from all my talking) - which might have contributed to global warming...which actually hurts the Earth.

Oops.

But, hey, in my defense they've done some studies that suggest that cow flatulence might actually be more harmful for the Earth (as far as global warming is concerned) than man-made things (like automobiles and Trevor's opinions).

Have a Great Day at Work, Buddy!

-tdurbs

Merry Christmas!

I probably won't get back into blog-mode until after Christmas, so I figured it would be nice to send this out beforehand.

(The reason the text looks funny on the post-it note is because I had to write everything backwards. No grief, please)

That About Explains It.

Unsolicited Advice.

How amazing would it be for someone much older and wiser than me to put things into perspective?

(Just thinking out loud).

5 Things.

To go along with the trend my two friends started with recent posts, I present:

5 Things You May (Or May Not) Know About Me:

1) I Love Office Supplies - I have no idea why, but I gather much joy from an outing to Office Depot, Office Max, or even the office supply aisle of WalMart. I love pens, paper, notebooks, organizers, little-colored-dot-stickers you put on things at a yard-sale. I like to have business cards made - it makes me feel important. I like to sit down at all of the desks and act like it's either my home office or I work somewhere really important where owning a metal-glass desk hybrid is acceptable.

2) I'm a Hypochondriac - I can't watch shows like E.R. or House because it freaks me out. One time, there was this patient on House who ate ham and contracted this crazy virus and almost died. I stayed away from ham for a little while after that (you can't avoid ham forever). I'm not insane about germs, but I do often self-diagnose illnesses that I "have" and often worry about diseases I'll probably never get.

3) I'm an Extremely Picky Eater - I can go to almost any restaurant and find something I like, but often times it requires specific instructions (no onion, no pickle, no sauce of any kind). I also avoid trying new foods because, sometimes, the very thought of it makes me ill. I have no idea where this developed from, because when I was a child I used to eat sticks (we have the pictures to prove it).

4) I Wanted to be an English Major - For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of the written word. I used to write short stories, poetry, and works of fiction all the time. I even thought I would go to college to study English and become a writer. But, as time went on and I got more involved with technology, my focus changed. The creative spark is still present, though...so we'll see where it leads.

5) I Used to Live With a Pig - We've had countless dogs over the years (currently three), a couple hamsters, a ferret, five or so goats, and a pig. The pig's name was Pumba. He was a pot-bellied pig and he lived in our house. He was like a dog, except larger and not canine. He was potty-trained better than our current dogs and loved to roll over and have his belly rubbed (he would actually fall asleep/become paralyzed at times). He lived outside of our house for the last few years of his life and grew awesome looking tusks. He was an awesome pig until the end.

Doxology.

Thank You, Lord - for your gracious gifts to me.
Those tangible, those not seen.
Those received with thanks, the unfortunate forgotten.
Thank You for treating me better than I deserve.
For Your limitless patience and overwhelming love.
That I know You, and continue to know You.
Have mercy on me in my weakness.
In all things bless me with Your presence.
Help me to be forever Yours.

Make a Snowflake.

Want to support charity this Christmas but don't have the extra cash laying around? Just click here and you can have fun creating a snowflake which, as more and more people let loose creatively, raises the amount donated. So simple.

And just to help get those paper-cutting ideas flowing - here's my little masterpiece.

Lessons Learned.

I thank God that He uses the most mundane of situations to teach me great life lessons. The realizations are often spectacular, and teamed with the unexpected activity of the time, often collaborate for good story telling.

I get home tonight, drop my junk off in my room, and head back into the kitchen. Our three dogs (pug, pug, jack russell) are waiting eagerly for my return because, they are sure, it means lots of treats and hours of attention. The jack russell is "my" dog - which equates in this family to my giving her preferential treatment over the other dogs. She's a bit high-strung and often nervous, but I love her.

Anyway - we have a ton of those dog barrier gates set up to limit the location where our dogs can have accidents. Every time that I, or any person, gets close to a gate - our dogs jump up and run the other direction. Too many times my leg has kicked one of these over and scared the crap out of them - thus instilling for all future visits shear dog dread.

Once I get past the gate, I am free to instill upon the dogs all the love I can bear to release; no amount of ear scratching, belly rubbing, or other dog-related service is too much with these three.

But, tonight, as I am trying to use two hands to love three dogs the jack russell isn't cooperating...she's standing a bit too far off for reach - so I beckon her closer. As I reach out I say, "Come a bit closer, I can't love you unless you come closer."

And it hits me...God has said the same thing to me...to us. He beckons us to come close to Him to receive all that He is - all His love, compassion, mercy...Him. And I wonder why we wouldn't jump at that opportunity. And then I think of my dogs.

I don't come to God because I don't really trust Him. I mean, I do - but there is always that concern in the back of my head. Far too many times I've been scolded by God. Is He calling me close for love, or for discipline? Am I approaching Him correctly? What about these other dogs around me?

And no matter how many times I assure our dogs - they still run away when they see me coming from behind that gate - even when I hold out my hands in love and speak gently to them while crossing. That same cautiousness appears even in the most tender moments between us.

And so tonight I was reminded that God is calling out to me, telling me to come close to Him, to be embraced, to be loved - and to see my (oft) reaction to it. And I got a true taste of what it feels like to be rejected - to offer love to a response of reservation.

Neither was especially sweet, but both visions were very appreciated.

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.

Public Declaration, Part Two.

In regards to my previous declaration, I will let the Word speak for itself:

"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9

My naiveté amazes me sometimes.

Thursday_August_31_2006

Going through some old documents. Was feeling especially something this day:

I'll call you a hypocrite straight through this mirror of mine, without batting an eye
But I'll never turn around to see those burnt bridges I left behind
This old desert road looks vaguely familiar as I walk down the line
It's been so long since I've seen a soul pass me by
And up on the horizon I see something like a mirage that's looking just like me
But he isn't walking this way, his back's turned and he's running away
Because I saw me coming from miles away
And you reach out your hand I have to squint because it's so remarkably bright
And you tell me stories and hold me close and whisper something about things being alright
But I just can't stay, I've got things to do – need to get on with these plans of my own
But the more I walk, the sicker I feel, and the darker it gets
But I can't turn around because you're so far back there and I can no longer see that part of the road
It's just a distant memory like a haunting dream that's unable to let go
So I press on towards the mirage because he seems to be heading somewhere important
Well, at least he's running away from me
And maybe sometime soon I'll see that beautiful beam
And I'll hear that voice that I love so much and you'll make sure to let me know you care
And how hard I pray that on that day my ears aren't clogged and my heart's in a mood to listen
Because I know my downright despicable condition
And I'm in need of a physician real bad because the blood is pouring out of me
And I just can't stop the flow of words that run around my mind
speaking things I thought I'd left behind
And my muscles are cramping up and it feels like they're under control of some ghost
Like I'm watching from outer space this story unfold
and I can recognize the characters but they can't hear my voice
To stop and just listen to the narrator of the story because he's got it all figured out
and it's not just because he's holding the script
And there's just something about that light at the end of the road that is drawing me near
So close and I can feel the warmth of your breath against my lungs
and how freely I can breath in this fresh air
I fall against the ground and I've never felt grass so soft before –
like silk or some other exotic fabric that's been knitted together just to support me
How easy it would be to just fall asleep right now, in your arms,
with that soft song being sung over me
But I'm uneasy and a tad bit broken and something has got me stirring in my bones
Hold on to me like a little child and nestle me to sleep because I know I am restless and it's so early in the morning but you have to be that caring parent because I just can't live without you
And where did I begin? I've traveled so long down this road of emotions and thoughts and things
I just wish I had it all together, had everything lined up and pretty and I could grasp it and control it and manipulate it as I please – but not in the bad way, not in the negative connotation of those words
Because I'm dying to be yours, dying to live that life I've heard about
and everyone seems to model so much better than myself
But we all know how much of a failure I am, or how quick I see one thing and am off to another
So all this is to say this is what's going on and I just need you to be patient as I work things out
And if you're kind enough you can be that small nudge at my back
pressing me on in the right direction
Because as honest as I am I have no map and my internal compass is broken
So I'm looking forward to directions from the one who knows the way
The one who knows me best
And I'm just hoping there's a destination at the end of this road
because continuing to walk along is about all that I've got.

How He Loves Us.

I get home tonight and check MySpace and becoming instantly, amazingly happy to see that John Mark McMillan has created a new profile, to which he has posted the song "How He Loves Us" - which I happen to believe is quite possibly the best worship song written, at least after just finishing listening to it.

But, as the final lyrics passed by, the emotion hanging heavy in John's voice, I felt a pain and a question hit my heart. How do we respond to the love of God? And this isn't a question as to how much we love God - the answer there is far too little. My thoughts were on how should we respond to a love so great, so penetrating, so mysterious, even sometimes so gracefully painful?

How do you sing of God's love when you're afraid for your parent's lives? When you're worried about being sick? When you don't feel fulfilled in your day-to-day life and have no real image of where you might be better suited, or called? When the meaningless things of this world become far greater and pressure you into fear, disillusionment, doubt, or things even worse?

I want to live everyday filled to the brim with this unimaginable love. I want to be poured into and onto until it hurts to hold it in. And that is frightening in a very real way. Because I have no idea how to do this, and I have no idea what my reaction might be if I could let myself be loved like that.

But it seems right. God just has to be up there right now singing that song to us...

"How I love you. Oh, how I love you. Oh, how I love you. How...I...love...you."

Nothing seems right without that. Everything fades, but that light refuses to be quenched.

God, how I hope.

Public Declaration.

So in the coming months, if all goes according to plan, there will not be any people to misunderstand the things happening in my life - I have decided to come here to publicly proclaim and explain the journey (as I know it) that I am embarking on. I would never want any poor soul to think of me more highly than I deserve (which, in honesty, is pretty nil).

"Insta-Prayer" - From now on, out of personal conviction and because of my track record with following things through - if someone has a prayer request for me, and I know them well enough to know they will not be freaked out by the act, I will pray with and for, at the instant such a request arises, any person. I have no intentions of stepping onto my carry-around soapbox and displaying for all to see my spiritual praying power. I also want to steer clear of the person I am praying for thinking the same. The only reason I am doing this is because I know, generally speaking, I won't pray for that person unless I do it right then and there. And, with this first step out of the way - who knows...maybe more prayer will follow.

Living (Dancing, Singing, Praying...) Sacrifice - I'm tired of being personally embarrassed about my worship. I want to sing and dance and be crazy - regardless of whether it's happening personally or corporately. This specific choice relates particularly to the music and praise aspect of worship - but I am not against it coming out in other areas. I want no shame in my outward expression of the joy I have for being the Lord's.

Similarly related to this is my desire to decrease the awareness I have of myself. I'm tired of lifting my hands and spinning around (Marvelous Light) and being wholly aware of the fact that I am doing it. When I close my eyes and begin a time of relflection and praise - I want to forget who I am and have ever before me - burned into my heart, mind, soul, and the backs of my eyelids - the glory of God.

Evangelical Prowess - I love music. I think it's some of the greatest stuff out there. I enjoy movies quite a bit as well. Man, do I love hanging out at a coffeeshop. I am full of opinions. I totally dig sleeping in sometimes. Jesus Christ is the Son of God. Mighty to Save.

See what I am talking about? It's time to speak up about this. For two reasons. One, it's kind of a big deal. I mean - if I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, that He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, that He does in fact bring us to the Father - why am I not telling anyone and everyone?

Secondly, if I really enjoy this relationship with a living God so much...if I really do "love" Him...shouldn't he be part of my conversations with people? I have no qualms letting people know how great the new mewithoutYou album is. Where's the fear in dropping the J-bomb coming from?

Three In 3 - I asked God to give me three years of spiritual growth over the next three years of time. Wow, one might say...that seems like a hefty prayer. It's not really.

First, I stole the idea from a girl at my friend's church. She was delivering the message the day I went with them and she told those in attendance how she asked God for six years of spiritual growth in one year. That is a hefty prayer. Asking to just simply grow up over the next three years seems a bit small in comparison.

Second, the entire job of God fulfilling this request and my ability to handle an answered prayer is already kicking my butt. I have already been faced with serious doubts about the direction of my life, my personal (faith) convictions, my ability to minister...etc., etc.

I wonder what the next 1,093 days are going to look like since I first made the request?

So there you have it. There is probably a bit more - but that seems like a nice starting point. If you're the praying type, I would appreciate a bit of your time the next time you're bending God's ear.

Shameless Self Promotion.

By now, whomever still passes by here from time to time must have gotten used to my constant need to let people know that my Flickr site has a ton of new pictures uploaded (with more to come...sitting on my harddrive waiting to be "processed"). Thank you for your patronage and patience with this constant deluge.

I have a very existential post coming up. The idea is sitting in a document on my Desktop...I just need to find time to sit down and write it. I'm giving up television for a week because the senior minister of our church asked me to, so that might lend itself well to activities other than rotting out my brain.

Oh, and I am giving blood on Tuesday (hopefully). I was denied last time because of issues with light-headedness. Maybe this time I can last long enough to get drained. I would really like to save some lives. It sounds like something nice to do on a lunch break.

Have a great week. E-mail me if you need anything.

Another? So Soon?

So, I was sitting in the den and a thought just popped into my mind. But, first, a little background.

My dad and I traveled to Midway last night to check out a coffee shop and hear a set by a musician who often plays/sings with our worship team at church. As her time drew to a close she began to speak about World Vision - a great organization dedicated to serving needs around the world. She ended with a quote from Mother Theresa: "If you can't feed 100 people, then feed just 1."

Rewind back to a conversation I was having with a friend some time ago about possibly sponsoring/adopting a child through Compassion International or World Vision. His heart and intentions are good, so I don't take this comment in a horribly negative way, but he expressed concern over the amount of help these offerings actually give. He thought of them as a band-aid rather than an immediate or far-reaching channel of change. I understand where he is coming from...it is much more weighty on someone's heart to completely change a situation for the better rather than becoming a monthly caretaker for small, simple needs.

So, as I thought about the quote from last night, and his comments, I heard a new thing in my mind. "If you cannot prevent the wounds from being made, at least apply a band-aid."

Our small contributions ($30 per month) may not dramatically improve the quality of life in these impoverished countries. There may be no removal for these families from horrible locations and situations. It might just be a meal that keeps them alive one more day, month, or year.

So as much as I want their lives to be dramatically improved; as much as I would love to see the country turn around and the effects of greed, overpopulation, disease, and so many other terribly things go away - I cannot deny these people one more day of life. One more month. One more year.

A small sacrifice can become a massive hand of help.