Shahabalah!

Public Declaration, Part Two.

In regards to my previous declaration, I will let the Word speak for itself:

"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9

My naiveté amazes me sometimes.

Going through some old documents. Was feeling especially something this day:

I'll call you a hypocrite straight through this mirror of mine, without batting an eye
But I'll never turn around to see those burnt bridges I left behind
This old desert road looks vaguely familiar as I walk down the line
It's been so long since I've seen a soul pass me by
And up on the horizon I see something like a mirage that's looking just like me
But he isn't walking this way, his back's turned and he's running away
Because I saw me coming from miles away
And you reach out your hand I have to squint because it's so remarkably bright
And you tell me stories and hold me close and whisper something about things being alright
But I just can't stay, I've got things to do – need to get on with these plans of my own
But the more I walk, the sicker I feel, and the darker it gets
But I can't turn around because you're so far back there and I can no longer see that part of the road
It's just a distant memory like a haunting dream that's unable to let go
So I press on towards the mirage because he seems to be heading somewhere important
Well, at least he's running away from me
And maybe sometime soon I'll see that beautiful beam
And I'll hear that voice that I love so much and you'll make sure to let me know you care
And how hard I pray that on that day my ears aren't clogged and my heart's in a mood to listen
Because I know my downright despicable condition
And I'm in need of a physician real bad because the blood is pouring out of me
And I just can't stop the flow of words that run around my mind
speaking things I thought I'd left behind
And my muscles are cramping up and it feels like they're under control of some ghost
Like I'm watching from outer space this story unfold
and I can recognize the characters but they can't hear my voice
To stop and just listen to the narrator of the story because he's got it all figured out
and it's not just because he's holding the script
And there's just something about that light at the end of the road that is drawing me near
So close and I can feel the warmth of your breath against my lungs
and how freely I can breath in this fresh air
I fall against the ground and I've never felt grass so soft before –
like silk or some other exotic fabric that's been knitted together just to support me
How easy it would be to just fall asleep right now, in your arms,
with that soft song being sung over me
But I'm uneasy and a tad bit broken and something has got me stirring in my bones
Hold on to me like a little child and nestle me to sleep because I know I am restless and it's so early in the morning but you have to be that caring parent because I just can't live without you
And where did I begin? I've traveled so long down this road of emotions and thoughts and things
I just wish I had it all together, had everything lined up and pretty and I could grasp it and control it and manipulate it as I please – but not in the bad way, not in the negative connotation of those words
Because I'm dying to be yours, dying to live that life I've heard about
and everyone seems to model so much better than myself
But we all know how much of a failure I am, or how quick I see one thing and am off to another
So all this is to say this is what's going on and I just need you to be patient as I work things out
And if you're kind enough you can be that small nudge at my back
pressing me on in the right direction
Because as honest as I am I have no map and my internal compass is broken
So I'm looking forward to directions from the one who knows the way
The one who knows me best
And I'm just hoping there's a destination at the end of this road
because continuing to walk along is about all that I've got.

How He Loves Us.

I get home tonight and check MySpace and becoming instantly, amazingly happy to see that John Mark McMillan has created a new profile, to which he has posted the song "How He Loves Us" - which I happen to believe is quite possibly the best worship song written, at least after just finishing listening to it.

But, as the final lyrics passed by, the emotion hanging heavy in John's voice, I felt a pain and a question hit my heart. How do we respond to the love of God? And this isn't a question as to how much we love God - the answer there is far too little. My thoughts were on how should we respond to a love so great, so penetrating, so mysterious, even sometimes so gracefully painful?

How do you sing of God's love when you're afraid for your parent's lives? When you're worried about being sick? When you don't feel fulfilled in your day-to-day life and have no real image of where you might be better suited, or called? When the meaningless things of this world become far greater and pressure you into fear, disillusionment, doubt, or things even worse?

I want to live everyday filled to the brim with this unimaginable love. I want to be poured into and onto until it hurts to hold it in. And that is frightening in a very real way. Because I have no idea how to do this, and I have no idea what my reaction might be if I could let myself be loved like that.

But it seems right. God just has to be up there right now singing that song to us...

"How I love you. Oh, how I love you. Oh, how I love you. How...I...love...you."

Nothing seems right without that. Everything fades, but that light refuses to be quenched.

God, how I hope.

Public Declaration.

So in the coming months, if all goes according to plan, there will not be any people to misunderstand the things happening in my life - I have decided to come here to publicly proclaim and explain the journey (as I know it) that I am embarking on. I would never want any poor soul to think of me more highly than I deserve (which, in honesty, is pretty nil).

"Insta-Prayer" - From now on, out of personal conviction and because of my track record with following things through - if someone has a prayer request for me, and I know them well enough to know they will not be freaked out by the act, I will pray with and for, at the instant such a request arises, any person. I have no intentions of stepping onto my carry-around soapbox and displaying for all to see my spiritual praying power. I also want to steer clear of the person I am praying for thinking the same. The only reason I am doing this is because I know, generally speaking, I won't pray for that person unless I do it right then and there. And, with this first step out of the way - who knows...maybe more prayer will follow.

Living (Dancing, Singing, Praying...) Sacrifice - I'm tired of being personally embarrassed about my worship. I want to sing and dance and be crazy - regardless of whether it's happening personally or corporately. This specific choice relates particularly to the music and praise aspect of worship - but I am not against it coming out in other areas. I want no shame in my outward expression of the joy I have for being the Lord's.

Similarly related to this is my desire to decrease the awareness I have of myself. I'm tired of lifting my hands and spinning around (Marvelous Light) and being wholly aware of the fact that I am doing it. When I close my eyes and begin a time of relflection and praise - I want to forget who I am and have ever before me - burned into my heart, mind, soul, and the backs of my eyelids - the glory of God.

Evangelical Prowess - I love music. I think it's some of the greatest stuff out there. I enjoy movies quite a bit as well. Man, do I love hanging out at a coffeeshop. I am full of opinions. I totally dig sleeping in sometimes. Jesus Christ is the Son of God. Mighty to Save.

See what I am talking about? It's time to speak up about this. For two reasons. One, it's kind of a big deal. I mean - if I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, that He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, that He does in fact bring us to the Father - why am I not telling anyone and everyone?

Secondly, if I really enjoy this relationship with a living God so much...if I really do "love" Him...shouldn't he be part of my conversations with people? I have no qualms letting people know how great the new mewithoutYou album is. Where's the fear in dropping the J-bomb coming from?

Three In 3 - I asked God to give me three years of spiritual growth over the next three years of time. Wow, one might say...that seems like a hefty prayer. It's not really.

First, I stole the idea from a girl at my friend's church. She was delivering the message the day I went with them and she told those in attendance how she asked God for six years of spiritual growth in one year. That is a hefty prayer. Asking to just simply grow up over the next three years seems a bit small in comparison.

Second, the entire job of God fulfilling this request and my ability to handle an answered prayer is already kicking my butt. I have already been faced with serious doubts about the direction of my life, my personal (faith) convictions, my ability to minister...etc., etc.

I wonder what the next 1,093 days are going to look like since I first made the request?

So there you have it. There is probably a bit more - but that seems like a nice starting point. If you're the praying type, I would appreciate a bit of your time the next time you're bending God's ear.

Shameless Self Promotion.

By now, whomever still passes by here from time to time must have gotten used to my constant need to let people know that my Flickr site has a ton of new pictures uploaded (with more to come...sitting on my harddrive waiting to be "processed"). Thank you for your patronage and patience with this constant deluge.

I have a very existential post coming up. The idea is sitting in a document on my Desktop...I just need to find time to sit down and write it. I'm giving up television for a week because the senior minister of our church asked me to, so that might lend itself well to activities other than rotting out my brain.

Oh, and I am giving blood on Tuesday (hopefully). I was denied last time because of issues with light-headedness. Maybe this time I can last long enough to get drained. I would really like to save some lives. It sounds like something nice to do on a lunch break.

Have a great week. E-mail me if you need anything.

Another? So Soon?

So, I was sitting in the den and a thought just popped into my mind. But, first, a little background.

My dad and I traveled to Midway last night to check out a coffee shop and hear a set by a musician who often plays/sings with our worship team at church. As her time drew to a close she began to speak about World Vision - a great organization dedicated to serving needs around the world. She ended with a quote from Mother Theresa: "If you can't feed 100 people, then feed just 1."

Rewind back to a conversation I was having with a friend some time ago about possibly sponsoring/adopting a child through Compassion International or World Vision. His heart and intentions are good, so I don't take this comment in a horribly negative way, but he expressed concern over the amount of help these offerings actually give. He thought of them as a band-aid rather than an immediate or far-reaching channel of change. I understand where he is coming from...it is much more weighty on someone's heart to completely change a situation for the better rather than becoming a monthly caretaker for small, simple needs.

So, as I thought about the quote from last night, and his comments, I heard a new thing in my mind. "If you cannot prevent the wounds from being made, at least apply a band-aid."

Our small contributions ($30 per month) may not dramatically improve the quality of life in these impoverished countries. There may be no removal for these families from horrible locations and situations. It might just be a meal that keeps them alive one more day, month, or year.

So as much as I want their lives to be dramatically improved; as much as I would love to see the country turn around and the effects of greed, overpopulation, disease, and so many other terribly things go away - I cannot deny these people one more day of life. One more month. One more year.

A small sacrifice can become a massive hand of help.

For The Masses.

Until I'm able to devote any time to actual content for this little blog, I figured a general update could take up some space. I think there are still a few people who come here that I do not have communication with on a regular basis...and since they come here I assume they want to know what's going on in my life - so here it is.

Work is still amazing. I feel like my transition into the real world is moving smoothly. I am still having trouble delegating appropriate use of my time - which is frustrating because when I waste time I feel like I am letting the church down. It's been an amazing opportunity to be in this position and a great six months so far - so I pray I can get serious about fixing this issue with what I would consider procrastination. Other than that, no complaints whatsoever.

Life outside of work is spent pretty much the same. I'm in my second year of co-leading a high school life group (the boys are now Juniors). We have had more "trouble" and dilemmas in the past few weeks than we had ALL last year - but it keeps us on our toes and allows us to try and be actual leaders/mentors every now and then. There is a bit of an issue keeping things on track and trying to "get deep" and have time for serious discussion - but I imagine with time, and after walking the guys through how a life group really works, things should get better.

I am totally loving the newfound interests in my life. I feel like I am kind of going through a metamorphasis, grabbing onto and placing inside me the things I want to "define" my time and who I am. Music. Art. Photography. Writing. Love. These seem to be the big things I am pursuing right now. Hopefully I am honoring my time and the One who gave me that time with each of these interests.

Nothing fascinating to end on. Just continuing to hope for better days ahead.

I'm Still Alive.

I Think.

Who Are We Kidding?

There is a story in the Bible of a man who brings his child to Jesus because he is suffering from epilepsy and was often found acting strangely. The disciples were not able to heal the child. Jesus heals the child instantly, assumed from the text, with little effort. The disciples, bewildered, wonder why they were not able to do the same thing. Jesus responds:

"Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

If I am wrong, please let me know, but I have not seen many mountains moving lately. I say that with sarcasm, but I also speak it as a truth pointing to my own failures of faith (hoping that others might realize this is a much broader problem).

Every day that I wake up, think about Jesus (if I think about Jesus) and genuinely believe all the things I've read, all the things I've thought, all the things I have come to "believe" - that in and of itself could be likened to a miracle - an impossible happening.

My faith is microscopic. It borders on non-existence. Have we any idea how small a grain of mustard seed is? And yet we trounce around as if our faith moves mountains - as if our own mental/spiritual might is rivaled only by God Himself?

Ladies and gentlemen, excuse me if I speak lies and dismiss them quickly if these words are false - our individual (and I would almost argue collective) faiths are not only fragile, they are miniscule. They are barely worth speaking of.

And I hope that is what Jesus was trying to get at. Faith moves mountains, but not our faith.

I imagine our faith is the tiny thread, barely visible, that keeps our soiled souls clinging onto this great Majesty we were blessed to perceive in the first place. As Christians, as believers, we must understand we are absolutely nothing without God. Nothing.

It bears repeating...nothing.

So let's concentrate a bit less on the measuring sticks of faithfulness, comparatively and retrospectively. It's already been settled. We're less than a grain of mustard seed.

But - so this post does not end on such a negative note. Let us all celebrate and relish in the hope that our justification with God hinges (and is validated) by such a small measure. Thank God we are expected so little of, yet gifted with so much.

Fall?

It's getting cooler outside and I find myself strangely intrigued by the change. I was walking outside at work today and the brisk air made me feel a lot better. Plus, it was overcast and muggy all day and I actually tend to like such things (oh, and I got to spend some time on the roof of our sanctuary and the view was amazing!)

I'm listening to some new music. I've had mewithoutYou in the CD player for the past week - each repetition of the (entire) album making it better and better. I was even inspired to do a bit of writing...some of which might show up here later (but only if you all are good).

Other than that I am looking forward to the weekend. No plans for tomorrow. BBQ at my aunt's house Sunday. Off from work Monday.

We'll see how things transpire.

My Own Worst Critic.

I am, in fact, the above. Contrary to popular belief - this is not all negative. But I will focus on that first (to get it out of the way).

The reason why being one's own worst critic can be a bad thing is because it often tends to overexaggerate things. I tend to make many stupid mistakes in my life, and most of the time I am fully aware of them (so there's no hiding my either blatant disregard for good, or my horrible feelings about my actions). Having that nagging voice letting me know how dispicable I am...it makes things difficult. Guilt, sorrow, shame - they all tend to hang around a lot longer than they should when you let yourself become the person who tears you down.

But the criticism can be good. It allows you to remain accountable to yourself. You are able to judge your actions and understand not only their quality, but the consequences they bear. Sorrow and guilt are not bad things when they are managed and used correctly - they help to shape and guide decisions and actions in the correct direction. Testing everything by a specific criteria can help each person remain personally responsible for their own undertakings.

To understand this as a whole, however - we must understand it (at least from my own personal perspective) in relation to my faith. I am a Christian. I believe not only in Jesus (meaning He did exist) but I also believe what He said (meaning I believe He was the Son of God, I believe that He came to die for sinners that they might be set free to a new, better life). Because of this, there is a certain "blueprint" for my life. Namely, I am to do everything to strive to be made into the image of Christ Himself. If/when I look/act/think/am like Jesus - the journey is complete.

And so everyone knows now, it is a LONG journey that I am FAR from perfecting.

So how does this relate to the idea of personal criticism? In this life, because of my faith and beliefs, I am able to fully utilize the criticism to keep me accountable to the choice(s) I have made (the choice of the life I want to live and how to accomplish that perfectly). Better still, I am free from the condemnation and general displeasure that comes from personal condemnation from overexaggeration with the negative side of criticism. I do NOT have to listen to the voice that calls me evil and continuously slams my foibles. What I can do is understand that I am a precious work in progress (and indeed we all are who are in Christ). The limitless patience, love, and power of God is on my side - as hopeless as sometimes it may look.

So we must rejoice in our weaknesses and failures because they keep us humble, they keep us in an understanding of the sweetness of grace and love, and they can keep us on the right track to our desired destination. They are a means to an end. What could be a weapon has made us (and can make us) more than conquerors.

To all who believe - use these things to your advantage.

Why America Is Great.

I don't tend to the realm of politics much, for many reasons: it is a very controversial topic; I'm not very excited about what is going on right now domestically or internationally- and I would rather praise than resort to negativity; I'm not well-read and up-to-date enough to be of any assistance or vital importance; and - probably most importantly - there are others who "do politics" much better than I.

I write today because I feel very blessed to be part of this nation. And that blessing, at least recently, has been shown to me in the vast amount of freedom we have. I won't resort to arguments about the current state of "freedom" in America - those who know me personally can ask if they are interested in my opinion. But, I know that at least one freedom remains intact - and that is the freedom to
express, with biting criticism and sarcasm, the leader(s) of this country.

Many have seen the speech given by Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Correspondents Association dinner (click here if you have not). It went viral some time back and received massive amounts of attention, both positive and negative.

But I think we might have missed the point. In what other country in the world can someone say the things Stephen did, in the presence of the power he is speaking against, with a result such as this? Stephen is still on television (his show has not been cancelled, or censored, or boycotted - at least not a detrimental amount). Other people are now speaking out as well. This entire situation (and the others like it) create a massive stage where voices and opinions can be heard.

So I am celebrating the fact that I can write whatever I want to. And I am thankful that I can do that without fear. So, if you are an American - take advantage of this beautiful right and make your opinion known. Do it respectfully and with preparation (even Stephen did not simply get on stage and rant).

More On This Later.

Hold me to it. It's gonna be a good one.

To Do List.

It is not always a good idea for me to set goals, because I either fail or end up not accomplishing anything I set out to do. However, on my ride home this evening I decided to make a list of some things I was thinking about - some things that would do me good:

Slow Down - While I don't strictly speak about my driving habits, it's a nice illustration to use. How often have I been in a hurry to get somewhere? Or, how often have I been frustrated at someone else because they seemed to be impatient? As much as I speak about the comforts and beauty of a slow-paced life, my actions don't support that claim. I can be in for excitement, and I can understand the urgency of certain situations - but I think it is time to slow down.

Lose The Agenda - This can move directly from the above. I love a packed calendar. It makes me feel important when I open mine up and see everyday scheduled with something. Everything from meetings to friend and family time has its own little place, hour-by-hour, on my pretty little calendar. It is time to free my schedule and live life, if only for a short while, without rushing from moment to moment - without anticipating, expecting, or planning every little detail. It could be worse, but I have room for it to be much better.

Love, Unconditionally - This is such an amazingly freeing concept that I find myself shocked it took so long to see. When I speak of my church and what first drew me in - it was the love and acceptance I found there. When I think of Jesus - all the good and the bad moments I see - the thing that pulls me back every time is His love. I have been hearing the word "Love" for so long now that it has both lost its meaning and been completely refreshing for me at the same time. I understand the Biblical basis for Christian direction - the discernment of damaging behavior in people's lives, the call to something better. I'm starting with love. I'm jumping on that bandwagon and I am building on that foundation. I don't know when I'll be done there. I'm not rushing the construction.

Love Others As Myself (The Two-Fold Plan) - This is a biggie. I am my own worst critic. But how do I direct that to others? If I saw a friend or a family member in need - would I help them? If they were struggling with something - would I condemn them or would I love and encourage them? I need to do this same thing for myself. I have to realize the value that God has placed on me - I need to see myself and my worth in His love towards me - and then I need to send that out in every direction. If I feed myself, clothe myself, nurture myself - my neighbor deserves that just as much. If I listen to my neighbor, comfort them, support them, encourage them - I need to love myself in that same way. A selfless service to others, reciprocated in my selfless love of myself.

And there's so much more. They'll come to me, and some of them might go. But I see them - and I take pleasure and hope in that. I can have goals. I can make movements knowing God is leading me. Does what I feel and what I know line up with my understanding of God? As I get to know Him more these things will present themselves and they will all fall in line.

And So It Ends?

Some of you will remember my various posts about Invisible Children, the war in Uganda, and efforts to stop the violence. Checking Relevant this morning, I came across an article about the LRA and a ceasefire that has been issued, effective immediately. This is the first word I have heard - so I am not totally versed on the ramifications...but this seems to be good news. Anyone out there have a better grasp on this?

LRA Leaders Declare Ceasefire

Magnetic.

"You're magnetic
I can't help it...I'm stuck on you
There's something magic in the way that you love me
I'm stuck on you." (Sanctus Real - Magnetic)

If I'm honest, and I imagine I am, my faith is incredibly fragile. Part of that comes from the fact that I am relatively new to it (only a couple years). Another part comes from the fact that I have an intellectual bend and natural curiosity - which can get someone into trouble fast when it comes to matters of faith.

This I noticed tonight as I drove home listening to the song above - thinking about the amazing day I had and the powerful message delivered at church this evening (all lending to a very satisfied spiritual attitude), yet still feeling the pangs of doubt, fear, and other such things I would rather be rid of.

Amidst this - I found truth in the words above. The love of God, the love I have experienced and found in Jesus - this amazing person described in the Bible...it defies my logic, my understanding. Every time I am confronted with this love it pierces into me and destroys my hardness of heart, my intellectual walls, my doubt, my everything. Yet, it does not leave me weak or killed.

I have never experienced anything like this before. With friends, with family - our strongest bonds are never like this. Our returns from fights or time apart - it never feels like this. The greatest moments in my life, apart from God, never have the satisfaction - the fullness - that I feel in the presence of this love.

And so I grab hold of it - wrestling my own internal dialogue and efforts to destroy something beautiful - and I hope against everything that I will not lose sight of something as precious as this. Every day is a battle, every thought can be a struggle - but there is peace and rest to be found.

I never knew what I was in for - the worst of the worst, the best of the best.

Responsibility.

While I understand that no church is perfect, and while I do have a lot of faith in the leadership and direction of my current church, I read an article tonight that questions not only our own presuppositions about money, consumerism, and other facets of our society - but the moral, personal, and professional responsibility of the people who minister to us and have very public opinions that can not only represent an entire populous, but also dramatically affect the ideas and actions of that group. Below is an excerpt, but I would recommend reading the entire article.

This, then, is the sad state of my mind as I listen to the Sunday sermon. To those who would say that the pulpit is no place to pierce the myths and enlighten the masses to the more unfortunate truths about our nation, I would say “if not there, where?” If not our moral leaders, then whom? Pastors have a great influence over the thought processes of their congregation. Many pastors are fond of the saying, “The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it!” I’m afraid that many in the congregation believe a variant of this that goes, “My pastor said it, he believes it, so that settles it.” When pastors promote the flag, the sheep salute. When they offer no comment on war, or the ecological condition of the planet, this is a tacit endorsement of the status quo. And when they give sermons about our obligation to give, rather than receive, and never tie in the systemic contradictions of our economic system to this obligation, then they are, in my humble opinion, abrogating their responsibility as moral leaders. (from Burnside Writer's Collective, Sunday Morning Quarterbacking)

So...

...I am about to finish Blue Like Jazz and it's kind of freaking me out. As I am sitting there reading, nearing the end of the current chapter, I flip to the next page and see the title I know marks the last chapter. And while I understand I will probably read this book again (after all, something must be said about all the half-sheets, quarter-sheets, and something-sheets of paper tucked various places within the book) I still feel a sense of loss looming on the horizon.

This is how I am with every adventure in my life.

I love movies, and I am coming to love books like I once did in my youth. They are amazing things that allow me to leave behind the current world I occupy - if even for a small moment - and become part of something a bit bigger. Maybe even a bit more exciting. They are absolute treasures that free me from the sometimes-monotonous ticking of the clock and passing of the days that is my life.

(Now, don't get me wrong - I love my life and everything in it...)

Things just seem different when I am in these atmospheres. Sometimes I completely lose grip and am totally immersed in the experience - catching wind of actual reality when I can sense the approaching ending.

So, now, I head into chapter 20 of Blue Like Jazz - embarking on two separate journies. One will be the experience of book-reading and the enjoyment I will pull from the pages. The second will be my life and the next steps beyond the pages.

Here's to adventure.

Well...

EDIT: It seems MySpace is just having some database problems (why am I not shocked?). I'm a little bit bummed now that I might get my account back. Hmm...maybe that says something about the situation? Anyway...there you go. Nevermind the reaction below.

...either MySpace is going to be fixing a lot of things here pretty soon, or I am no longer a member there. And, this time, it wasn't even my own intention to stop going. I went to log in this morning and it let me know that I had an invalid userID - because my account had been cancelled or deleted. Funny...I don't particularly remember doing that.

I then tried going directly to my profile online - to be greeted with the red-lettering-of-death letting me know the same status for my little web profile.

But it seems this little mishap is a lot bigger than just me. You won't be able to find my friend Joe online anymore either. Nor will you be able to find my friend Marcus' girlfriend. I'm sure the list goes on and on.

Honestly...if this isn't fixed, I think I'll be OK with that. My only problem is the amount of people on there that I use MySpace to keep in touch with, because we don't really have any other way to communicate (and, no, the phone, e-mail, etc. are not an option - surprisingly).

So - if for some reason I never go get back on MySpace - but you're able to get here from memory or some other weird circumstance - send me an e-mail and we'll try to keep in touch. Thanks.

A New Post? Can This Be True?

I'm amazed by the fact that people continue to swing by here. While the simple tracking unit I use cannot be trusted wholly for accurate facts about who comes, why they come, and how long they stay (it seems, on average, to be about ten seconds) - I do trust it in that it says people are coming...and that makes me feel all warm inside...so these facts are my friend.

I've got a new post for you all, coming directly off a napkin to the e-world. I am thinking the future of this blog will be more lengthy articles, "essays" as some call them. I hardly ever tend to have thoughts that do not range to expansive lengths...so you all will have to cope (and thank you in advance).

Keep coming back. I love you all.

The air at 40 miles-per-hour is tangible. I stick my arm out the window and feel the cool air brush and blow by. My palm feels like it is floating and swimming through the transparent yet milky atmosphere. I want to grab this air and take it home with me. Best of all, it does not leave my hand with that horribly annoying numb-tingly feeling I so often get when I try to make my car fly with just my arms. The bugs still sting, though.

These are the thoughts I have so often when I am alone; when there is no place to scribble them down. They disappear in the same air my arms ride along and are gone forever. But it's not so bad - because, often these thoughts are just between God and I. They're our little moments...our conversations. This one gets shared, though. This one makes me happy and I remembered it. And I just happened to have a napkin in my car to write it all down.

Tonight was a good night. I got to spend some time reading about exceptionally happy thoughts and subjects. I drank some coffee. I saw a friend and gave him a letter expressing my sincere appreciation for his love towards me. And now I'm here, writing, something that makes me happy. It's been a good night.