Skim Milk Ruins Coffee.

I'm starting the month of February blog-stravaganza about fifteen minutes early, but I think that's okay.

In this post I am attempting to reach out to the (possible) readers of this little page for some advice - to see if I am right or just crazy.

I am looking for a good cup of coffee. More specifically, I am looking for a cup of coffee that tastes the same when I make it at home as it does when I go to a 'shop for it. Now, I understand the differences that will arise considering beans used, grind method, brewing technique, etc. I'm not looking for an exact replica - just a bit of continuity.

See - every time I have coffee at my house - it just doesn't work like it does elsewhere. I thought it was just the blend. Then, today, I thought it might be my travel mug...because that does tend to make things pretty - eh.

But, then it hit me. Skim milk (what I put in my coffee here at the house) is basically the equivalent of white water. So when I mix that in with my cup of joe, no matter how strong I tend to make it, it dilutes and ruins the taste.

Or at least that's my hypothesis.

So I turn to you, devoted(?) readers:

Is it the skim milk? Does that (in your experience) seriously screw coffee up? What kind of liquid creamer should I get?

I'm not sure if you still read the blog, Crystal - but I would love to hear from you on this...you're the only person I know who could speak with any authority on this subject.

Thanks in advance everyone. Send me word!

Updates.

Starting tomorrow, for the entire month of February, I am going to try to blog at least once per day. Nothing extravagant, but I at least want to try to get my thoughts down as they come, or just keep this thing a bit more up-to-date on my life. After all, what good is my constant procrastination if I cannot utilize Blogger for a bit of constructive time use?

Anyway - if you'll look over to the right, underneath my picture/profile link, you'll see that there is a new button there. An e-mail button. You can now click on that and it will open your e-mail client and you can send me messages directly, without having to use the comment feature. So, please, take advantage of that - I'd like to hear from whomever actually reads this thing...even though my site statistics say that the average visit length isn't even a second :)

Anyway - hope to hear from you all...and I (hopefully) will be writing...starting tomorrow...maybe :)

myBucks? myLife?

This evening marked quite the church service for me. In fact, sitting in the parking lot of my friend's apartment complex, quickly "dissecting" the evening's message - made me realize that God had actually been using the past week to communicate, through several diverse messages, a concept that I so eagerly long to accept and model in my life. And so, it might be best to start from the beginning.

Wednesday night marked another High School Ministry evening. In the life group I co-lead, we are really trying to give our guys a vision and heart for service - in the church, community, nationally, and internationally. Somehow, by the grace of God, after only one week of prayer and off-time - we were presented with opportunities to fill every one of those areas. We only hope the Spirit of God will continue to move us in the right direction. (Big Picture, #1)

Move to Saturday morning - around 8 A.M. I attended Southland's Men's Ministry meeting to get in touch with someone who is assisting me with finding a mentor/discipler. The message/series is on fighting sexual sin in our lives. However, rather than simply going over what every Christian male has heard numerous times before (and some/most of us have ignored) - the topic focused quickly on the fullness of God in us. The unimaginable power right "under the covers" that is at our disposal. (Big Picture, #2)

Now to Sunday morning - College Café. This weekend our services focused on iBucks - the issue of money and stewardship. This turned me on to the aspect of the "Big Picture" in the first place. It also reiterated numerous concepts I had heard before, thoughts I was having about my own life (relevant experiences, spiritual desires). To those who receive much, much will be expected. The importance of advancing the Kingdom of God. (Big Picture #3)

And, this evening. Wow. Physically exhausting prayer, deep worship. Hard questions. Difficult paths. An absolute amazing revelation into the (hopeful) future of our church, the community, the world.

Are we, as Christians, truly supporting the Kingdom cause? Do we, or are we willing to, surrender everything - our time, our money, our lives - to the call to love God, and...just as important...to love others?

I certainly am not currently achieving this.

But what is stopping us?

"Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater that he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4 (ESV)

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1 (ESV)

It was the loudest I have ever heard it before in church tonight - the music, the voices, and the powerful voice of God telling us to go. To break down walls. To love without fear. To give without reservation. To bring the news of Christ to every soul we encounter. To sacrifice much, if need be, at the feet of Christ so that we can be proper stewards of God's grace upon us, and generous propagators of our massive wealth - financially and spiritually.

Sorrow, Part Two

My heart breaks for this world, Lord. Though I do not love it like You, my heart mourns. Why do we mock You? How can we turn our back to You? Why are we allowed our idols? What do we hold onto?

You are a consuming fire, Lord – set us ablaze. We are not ready for You – but we need You desperately. God I yearn for Your presence with an anguished soul. My spirit cries out for Your righteousness.

I am weak. I am tired. I am hurt. I am confused. I am failing.

I thirst for Your presence. Thirst for Your holiness. Thirst for Your righteousness. Thirst for Your love. Thirst for You.

You have laid Yourself heavy upon me and my strength fails.

I want to know You. I want to know You like I am fully known. I want to see Your glory. I want to be where You are.

And I am afraid. Fear. Anxiety. Doubt.

Be my rescue.

But, save us also from ourselves.

Jeremiah 8:19-9:7 “My joy is gone; grief is upon me; my heart is sick within me. Behold, the cry of the daughter of my people from the length and breadth of the land: ‘Is the LORD not in Zion? Is her King not in her? Why have they provoked me to anger with their carved images and with their foreign idols? The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.’ For the wound of the daughter of my people is my heart wounded; I mourn, and dismay has taken hold on me. Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has the health of the daughter of my people not been restored? Oh that my head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! Oh that I had in the desert a travelers' lodging place, that I might leave my people and go away from them! For they are all adulterers, a company of treacherous men. They bend their tongue like a bow; falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they do not know me, declares the LORD. Let everyone beware of his neighbor, and put no trust in any brother, for every brother is a deceiver, and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer. Everyone deceives his neighbor, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongue to speak lies; they weary themselves committing iniquity. Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit, they refuse to know me, declares the LORD. Therefore thus says the LORD of hosts: ‘Behold, I will refine them and test them, for what else can I do, because of my people?’”

Purify us, Lord. Make true Your promise to refine us like silver and make us bringers of righteousness. Pour out Your mercy until it overflows within us. We are nothing without You.

Prove Yourself, Lord. Let us testify to You, of You, by You.

We want to open the door. We hear You knock. We long to commune with You.

Fill our hearts. Have mercy on us. We are Yours.

Christmas Response.

I didn't write specifically about the choice made by Southland regarding Christmas-day services because, though I had an urge to, I felt it best to leave that in the hands of our senior minister Jon Weece - and more ably - God.

However, I came across on our site today the responses to Jon's urging our body to be the church-outside-of-church on Christmas day. (See the original article here).

Before I post the link to the stories of Jesus moving through our congregation, I want to prepend it with this verse:

"But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." (Galatians 6:14)

The following link, and the stories outlined there, are not meant to be personal boasts of our own achievements - rather, they point to God and say, "I get it, Lord - send me to do your good works prepared for me, and to bear fruit for your glory." Many members of our church stood behind the decision made by our elders, and also took action to reach the world for Christ on Christmas. I hope these stories move you like they did me.

Southland Serves on Christmas

Sorrow, Part One.

Written January 5, 2006 (Bus Ride Home from Passion 2006):

I’m not entirely sure where my sorrow came from. There are, in certain regards, environmental factors that could have led to it (sickness in the family and with friends, loneliness, etc.). It could also be an effect of the sin in my life – numbing my heart and soul. However, I think it is much more than that – it is a yearning, a desire, a hunger for God that is so insatiable that not even an 18,000+ crowd praising, praying, and being with God for four days could fill. It also shows me that I cannot rely on big, flashy events to determine my standing with God. Though He was undoubtedly present at all times during the conference – I felt so far from Him. I longed for more of His presence – for my life obviously, but also just for Him to be near. I have realized I am ruined to this world – and even much more to the euphoric effect of conferences or other deep spiritual events. I hunger, ache even, for God’s presence at the deepest parts of my soul.

“…As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?” (Psalm 42:1-2)


Written January 7, 2006:

I had been talking and thinking about this today with my close friend and his fiancé, and I even had some verses down to further support my “sorrow” and the feelings and thoughts I am having now. But, I am continually feeling this urge in me to be strong and to not be afraid. So…I looked up some verses – and this is what I came up with:

“…Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; my enemies trample on me all day long, for many attack me proudly. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” (Psalm 56:1-4, emphasis mine)

“But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a youth'; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD."” (Jeremiah 1:7-8)

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (John 14:27)

My friend made an amazing point tonight that I knew in my head, but I want to put to practice in my life to try and combat this funk I’m in.

One – Jesus is 100% worthy of all glory, honor, and praise – regardless of me or my situations or anything else. He does not owe me anything, and deserves everything because of who He is. And that’s not even to include what He has done, for me and for the world – His suffering, His cross, His love. So – my feelings might come and go (and do) and my heart might worry, and my head might wonder – but Jesus is Christ the Risen Lord…and I will praise Him with everything I can…joyous or sorrowful – because He is worthy.

Another thing I take out of those verses above – and all the promises that I’ve seen reading through the Bible is that God is faithful. And that everything relies on God – whether that be good or bad, belief or unbelief, happiness or sorrow. My salvation is in his hands – it is a reflection of the glory of His grace and there is nothing that I did to earn it, nothing I can do to try to maintain it (by my strength or works or whatever). I just need to rest in God and be strong with His strength, not mine.

It’s like my heart and soul long for God – long to be completely satisfied in Him – love Him and ache for Him and need Him to survive – but my mind is continually warring with it saying “God does not exist. God does not/cannot love you. You are not a Christian. You are stupid acting like this…etc., etc.” And then it goes a step further and says, “This isn’t Satan saying this, it’s you.” I hate to give Satan ANY credit, but he has gotten pretty good at his job.

Where I am right now – I just feel so afraid that I cannot keep this up…that I am too weak to fight this fight of faith against temptation, and sin, and the world, and Satan. And then I see these amazing Christians around me who are so on fire for God – and I cannot see that in myself, and then I have the fear that I might NEVER see that and will not grow up to be a mature Christian. And there is NOTHING in this world I want more than to be mature in Christ, in this life. And it just seems SO very far away right now.

“My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!” (Psalm 119:28)

I Want This.

Several posts should follow in the coming days when I have a chance to sort through everything revolving around Passion 2006. However, I came across an article today on another blog that convicted me, saddened me, and put a deep desire in my soul.


http://www.epm.org/articles/worthy.html

The article tells the story of a man and his two sons who were martyred for Christ and the effect it had on their family and the people around them.

On January 23rd of 1999, Graham and his two sons, Phillip (11 yrs.) and Timothy (6 yrs.) were murdered by a large mob of militant Hindus. They had gone to a Christian camp in the jungle, where Graham was ministering. At midnight the mob attacked, setting fire to the jeep in which Graham and his sons were sleeping. They were burned alive. When the fire finally cooled, they found the charred body of Graham Staines with his arms around the bodies of his sons.

The response this mustered from the man’s wife and daughter?

The response of Gladys and Esther was on the front page of every newspaper in India (with one billion people, soon to pass China as the most populous nation on earth). Gladys said, “I have only one message for the people of India. I’m not bitter. Neither am I angry. But I have one great desire: that each citizen of this country should establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who gave his life for their sins...let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ’s love.”

She said, “My husband and our children have sacrificed their lives for this nation; India is my home. I hope to be here and continue to serve the needy.” When asked how she felt about the murder of her dad, Esther, as a thirteen year old, said (in words that sound straight off the pages of the book of Acts), “I praise the Lord that He found my father worthy to die for Him.”

I wholeheartedly agree with the verse used for this story (Hebrews 11:35-38).

How deep I long to have the faith, courage, conviction, satisfaction, and love of Christ that these people have. I’m not there yet – not even close…but God do I long to serve You like this someday.

Lord invest in me and fill me not only with the desire I have now to be near you and serve you – but to have the faith and power in you to walk whatever road you place before me.

Welcome, 2006.

I no longer want a compromised and contrived vision of Christ. I no longer ache for a savior as the stepping stone to fulfilling desires that do not end in joy in that savior. I despise not only my sinful self, but this world that so easily ensnares me and allows me to settle for something far less than Christ Himself. I am sick and tired of believing I can find fulfillment in anything else. I am in pain that my eyes are so blind, my mind so dumb, and my heart so dull. I am afraid of the darkness into which I can so easily fall when my focus is taken off of God and His life breathing in me.

I am called to be set apart, to be a light in the darkness – a reflection of the great light which is God. I have failed and do fail so many times in being that witness and my shame is ever with me. I long to be the man God has created me to be, not only for my sake, but that others might know the joy I have felt through Christ.

This marks yet another New Year’s Eve in which I have given little (read: no) evidence that I am a servant of Christ, a commissioner of the Gospel, a lover of God and His people. I end this post and begin this year with four prayers:

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” (Psalm 51:1-3)

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

“I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. / O Lord, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.” (Psalm 38:18 / :21-22)

“Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.” (Job 42:6)

It's That Time Again.

• Starburst jellybeans are awesome.

• I am totally digging the new Ashlee Simpson album "I Am Me".

• Crystal-Faith is amazingly cool.

• I like movies, a lot. I also like owning movies, a lot.

• Living in the 50's/60's would have been totally cool...

•...namely because I would have been able to see Frank sing all the songs I like.

• I have bursts of insane popularity on MySpace - and I don't understand it.

• I don't care if she does lip-synch...I dig Ashlee Simpson.

• I am so extremely happy I know Jesus Christ...no matter how stupid I act, and how often.

• Passion 2006 is less than a week away...I cannot wait.

• The Haste the Day show is like, two days away...I cannot wait.

• I am so going to miss Jimmy when he leaves Haste the Day.

• I like to shop - so it's probably better I am completely broke.

• People are probably going to be a little weirded out getting my Christmas cards in January.

• This is getting pretty old, pretty fast...so it ends here.

Behold, Christ.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6)

“And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:9-11)


Today marks a time when Christians around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. We take this time to thank God for his unparalleled gift to mankind – sending His Son to be an offering for our sins, and a path to knowing God. Our faith is that His glory came in love, for love – to free us from a life of sin that leads only to pain, suffering, and death – to restore us to a life lived by, for, and with our Father, God.

This is not just a day for friends, family, presents, and decorated trees – but a time marked off for the rest of our souls in the work of the Cross; a time where we can find peace in the comfort of our Savior; a day where our joy can be made full in the witness of God’s love, glory, and faithfulness.


“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!’” (Luke 2:13-14)


If you put your faith in Christ – take this day to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and might and to love others as yourself.

If you have never heard about Christ, never put your faith in Him, or have your questions, doubts, or problems with this whole thing – find someone to talk to about the true Christ – a lover of souls, a healer, a redeemer.


“I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.” (John 12:46)

The War.

One of the big issues I have had to face as a Christian is the remnant of sin in my life. And I understand that the word "sin" gets passed around so much in Christian culture as to lose all meaning - so what I talk about here are the things that I see and recognize in my own life that are of negative impact to my faith and spirituality, or things that I understand have no benefit to me.

There are two big things that contribute to the problem I have with this remaining (and sometimes frequent) sin: 1) Understanding the situation(s) I find myself in, and, 2) The resentment I have for my ability to continue to sin against God.


The Situation of Sin:

“I confess my iniquity; I am sorry for my sin.” (Psalm 38:18)
“For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.” (Psalm 51:3)
“Who can say, ‘I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin’?” (Proverbs 20:9)

We are sinners. There is no doubt about it. But what causes our sin, and why are we so easy a target?

“…And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” (Genesis 4:7)

Here we see sin waiting for us – biding its time to ensnare us and take control of our lives. We are warned to rule over it, lest it own us. But sin is not just something that waits for us. It is also something that lives within us – our very nature in the flesh.

“Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)

“For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” (Galatians 5:17)

We are against God because we are enslaved to our flesh and its desires. However, this is not a condition that must remain.

“For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh…” (Romans 8:3)

God has taken sin, flesh, corrupt desires, and enmity against him completely out of the picture. Instead of the natural consequence of a life lived for sin, against God – namely death (physical and spiritual) – he offers another choice:

“I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you.” (Isaiah 44:22)


The Continuance of Sin:

I believe in the sovereignty of God in the lives of all people. In the Christian life specifically, I believe that God plays a “real-time” role in our lives, using his limitless power to move and shape who we are, what we face, and who we become. Because of this belief, I have the understanding that nothing happens in our lives that is either out of God’s control, or was not ordained by him.

I also believe in the magnificence of God - that when His glory is truly seen and comprehended, nothing else can compare or offer anything more joyful, satisfying, permanent, or valuable.
So in regards to this I have to wonder how it’s possible for sin to persist in a person explicitly saved from and dead to sin by the work of God (through the cross) and how with a clear view of God’s glory (because of the cross) that anything would seem equal or more enticing.

So I look to Paul and his struggles for comparison and guidance.

“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:15)

Paul recognized that he had struggles in his life. He also saw the times when he fell to those struggles and the consequences. But further in this chapter we are revealed to something:

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)

But this seems impossible. The first (and arguably greatest) missionary for the Gospel of Christ – a man who saw His glory firsthand – does not have the ability to resist and conquer sin? How are we ever supposed to accomplish such a task?

We are not.

“To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Colossians 1:27)

The only hope we have for glory. The only chance we have for sanctification. The only source of power for holiness is the Holy Spirit working inside of us. The power of Christ within us to be a spring of eternal life that fills us over. It is the power of the risen Christ that dwells within God’s chosen that present them as clean.

But this does not happen immediately.

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

It is a promise of God. It will happen. But we must continue to fight the fight of faith and lay hold of the hope that comes from God. Only in Him will we find our strength to persevere – and only in Him will we find the reward that we persevere for.

God.

I think I’ve figured something big out. God works wonderfully for a pessimist like me.

I know I won’t be the person I am now forever – as small and slow as it may seem at times, there is something going on within me that is changing me into a completely new person. But, there are still parts of me that remain – parts that have no faith in humanity at all, parts that are bitter and resentful, parts that are sad and lonely and hurt.

And, oddly enough, I’m not really looking for pity or well-wishes when it comes to this. Partly because I know that it’s not always going to be like this. It might not fade away and be replaced in the foreseeable future – but it’s certainly not going to be with me forever.

The reason I look at myself “under a microscope” right now is because I realized tonight that God is not only amazingly courteous to work with a fool like me, but I am supremely blessed to be working with a gift like him.

For instance – I am a very emotional person. I tend to take things very personally – even if they were never meant as an attack. Because of this (and I want to highlight this now as being my weakness, not theirs) I have been hurt by every person I’ve ever known. Maybe not on some grand scale with every one of them – but all the people in my life, right now (and in the past) that I care(d) about has hurt me. Again, I’m not throwing my pity-party here…I’m just trying to set the stage for my conclusion.

I also tend to get very involved with people very quickly. I’ll meet someone as a friend and “latch” on to them – instantly storing them in the “friend bank” and painting them in as part of my life. The same goes for romantic interests. These things happen very fast, and when some of these people leave just as quick – boom – I’m left with a big gash in my side where I had made something permanent that was not meant to be.

But none of the above has been the case with God. At all.

I was “raised” in the church as a child – so I had some background of the whole religion thing. I never really stuck to anything – beliefs, faith, etc. I kind of always did my own thing – believing that there probably was a god but doing my absolute best to stay on his good side, and always on my knees when I needed something.

All of that changed a little over a year ago when I started reading Scripture again. Or, I would stay up real late and watch “Shepherd’s Chapel” – where they would read the Bible and give their own little interpretation for it. I can’t say for sure whether this was the beginning of what was to come, or merely a stepping stone from my past walk. All I know is that in October of 2004 I found myself inside Southland Christian – attending their Sunday evening service.

I haven’t left since.

I gave my life to Christ, specifically in baptism, a month later – November 4, 2004. And since then it has been an amazing, scary, frustrating, wonderful, adjective-filled journey. I’ve learned more about God in 12 months than I had for the previous 20 years.

But the one thing that really stuck out for me tonight was that this God I have come to know and love – he is permanent. And his affections towards me are unchanging. I did nothing to earn them, and for some magnificent reason I can’t do anything to lose them. I am his and he has become mine.

And that promise is bankrupt in anything else in this world. The money and possessions I have now – even if they last until I die – cannot be taken with me. The members of my family – their fate is the same as mine…I’m probably going to watch many of them pass away. My friends – same thing. God-willing I’ll find a wife and raise a family, but that is only a temporary blessing in a life that is but a vapor.

I have found only one thing in this life that I can hope on. There is only one thing in front of me right now that I am sure will be there when I am gone. Of everything I have ever strived for and anything I could ever want until the end of my time – only one thing is worth it because only one thing guarantees.

Jesus Christ.

And I’m not going to go on some spiel about my faith and how I’m right and everyone else who believes different is wrong. I’ve been thinking about the direction I want to move when I speak – and even though I decided I am convicted to speak to the truth in my heart – right now I’m just laying it out for myself.

Jesus is the only thing that matters. Take hold of that and never let it go. Fight for it because it’s worth it. You’d fight for other things. You have fought for other things. Trivial things that pass away, or lose interest in you, or you lose interest in them. This won’t fade. You’ll fade, but this won’t. Take hold.

Laugh it up if you think I’m wrong. I had those same thoughts before, until they turned to tears when I realized how fruitless anything else is. Sit down and think and don’t just go with what’s easy or what you’ve always known.

Think. Question. Fight. Whatever.

As I’ve said so many times before – there’s a lot at stake. And it’s only in your best interest to check it out. YOU are the one who gains.

The Embargo Is Over.

It only took about a year and change, but the prohibition of my musical interests has come to an end.

Most, if not all credit, goes to Frank Sinatra.

See - I really like Ol' Blue Eyes...there's just something about him. And, the more I think about my taste in music right now, the more I see myself in a bar with a cigarette and glass of scotch in my hand, listening to some piano jazz, big band, or some other thing.

Perhaps I'm becoming a bit more sophisticated in my old age. Perhaps I realized that I used to love and enjoy all music styles.

Most likely a bit of both.

I'm not going to go out and start buying every little thing - but I am going to go out and try to "experiment" with some things I really think might float my boat - right now I'm leaning towards easy listening...I want something I can turn the lights low and just relax to...and that seems to fit the bill. Right now I'm enjoying the sounds of J.J. Johnson.

So, I'm sorry if I offended all you people out there by not listening to music anymore when I become a Christian. I still believe that music can influence you, and sometimes in a negative way. I also still believe that there are certain things that I cannot listen to and still glorify God...so I am not going to listen to that stuff.

But, I'm going into this with a heart beating for God, realizing that He has gifted all these men and women with immense talent to share art and soul with the world - and I'm grabbing hold of it.

Feel free to come along - everyone's welcome.

We Are Blind.

I love music. It has such an amazing capacity - through people I have never met - to speak to the deepest longings and thoughts of my soul. There have been so many songs, so many times, that I could have written myself with effort (and talent). For instance, I've recently been admiring "Make Believe Jesus" by Shane and Shane - the most spectacular of lyrics which go:

"Mountains groan, and seas roar, because all they know, is you for who you are, bright morning star, Jesus make believe, like they believe..."

When did we lose sight of this?

I've seen mountains before. And I've been to the ocean and witnessed how magnificent that can be. To listen to this song, with those images burnt into my mind - and then realize that their very purpose is to magnify, glorify, and present but a glimmer of the radiance which is Jesus Christ - it almost leaves me speechless.

I can understand that there are going to be people in this world who just do not see what is being talked about above. Before I became a Christian, I used to be roughly the same place they are. I believed in "God" but I didn't really know anything about him. I had heard this and that, but I wasn't really sure what I thought, or knew much about what I professed.

That's not to say that those who do not believe are necessarily these horrible cretins who deserve to be beneath my feet because they don't like or feel the same way about a song as I do. I mean something entirely different about the experiences I have been having lately.

One of the most amazing things that has happened to me, personally, over the past year has been the ability to look at the world and see wonder. I, like probably anyone, can appreciate beauty in numerous forms. But, lately, my eyes have begun to "adapt" (so to speak) to see beauty and majesty in so many things I might never have thought of before.

I take comfort where I am now - as a man and as a Christian. I've a long walk before me, but I am at the point in my life where I am ready to start traveling. It sounds so generic - I know - but it's true. It gives me hope, faith, joy, and so many other blessings.

Some are never going to believe - and it's not my duty to spout on like a broken record trying to wear them down until they do - because then no one wins. It just amazes me what's at stake. It also amazes me how much it seems like everyone is missing out.

Black Friday Warrior!

The following story is quite a frightening one. It is not advised that the sick or faint-hearted proceed...

The Tale of the Black Friday Warrior!

It all began on a normal Thanksgiving evening. A mysterious figure sat at a computer chair, eyes fixed upon the monitor, engaged in a riveting Yahoo Messenger chat:

mysterious_figure: I'm a bit worried about this Black Friday stuff. I went out last year and it was horrifying beyond belief. Lines that seemed without end, empty merchandise containers, PURE pandemonium.

other_im_guy: I wouldn't worry about it as long as you get there early. But, as trends would have it you might not get what you're going for.

mysterious_figure: I'll probably have to bundle up because of the cold...maybe I can pack on a lot of weight, mess my hair up, and make them think I am some deranged monster. Then they'll give me whatever I want!

The plan was afoot! This mysterious figure, now packed beneath a long-sleeve t-shirt, regular t-shirt, Quicksilver hoodie, and blue zip-up jacket had become nearly twice his size. Would the faux muscle suffice to win over the crowds and deliver home a shiny prize? Only time would tell for the Black Friday Warrior!

Into the cold went the Black Friday Warrior. His vehicle started with a sluggish roar, the C.D. player accepted the dose of Metal music it needed to wake the driver up - it was time to depart!

Stopping briefly to check the time and temperature - it was found to be not only very early, but also very cold. Already time and nature were conspiring against our hero.


What seemed like only minutes later, the Black Friday Warrior arrived at his destination.

For some reason (most probably being an inter-dimensional dampening field) no pictures were able to be taken within Wal-Mart...but rest assured that the pandemonium was yet again PURE. People had been waiting in line for hours to get their hands upon our hero's bounty. In fact, the entire operation was so mis-matched that the Black Friday Warrior was not even sure where to stand to prepare to be handed his prize. Frustrated, tired, and aware that this would be a failed mission - the Warrior walked into an alternate aisle in the electronics department and bought himself a new headset (for use with futuristic online chat sessions, with voice capability!)

Having exerted great strength to brave the cold, the early, and the crowds - the Black Friday Warrior decided it was time for a meal. Traveling to a local establishment he waited for a bit before realizing that they were not yet welcoming patrons. However, they were accepting refueling trucks.


Moving on to another restaurant, it was found out to be a truck conspiracy! Two mysterious vehicles in one night...was something mysterious going on?


Too bad our hero was still tired and ready to head home - or else another, new adventure could have awaited our Black Friday Warrior.

Until next time!

Super Quick Update.

Crystal-Faith is chill.

On the real.

Seay, Shanes, Crowder.

The show tonight was amazing. I was ignorant and didn't put my earbuds in (I normally always do) so now my ears are ringing a bit and my left ear feels all weird. It didn't really get loud until DC*B got on stage and everyone started yelling and they turned the mix up. Eh.

Robbie Seay Band - whom I hadn't heard of until tonight - opened the show. They turned out to be really good. They have a nice sound, acoustic with a bit of rock and electric thrown in. I didn't know any of the songs they sang, but enjoyed their entire set - which was nice, because I wasn't really expecting anything out of them.

Shane & Shane came up next and rocked my world. I had seen them at Passion '05 - and didn't know who they were so I wasn't too into them. Then, on the Passion '05 CD/DVD I ordered they sang an amazing version of "It Is Well" so I knew they had some credibility. Well, again, I did not know any of the songs they sang (except for the cover of "How Great Is Our God") but I ended up dropping $30 bucks after the show to pick up their two most recent CDs. I'm kind of kicking myself right now because I told myself and God that I was going to stop buying stuff all the time, but I also really enjoy the CD so I am torn.

David Crowder*Band - what needs to be said? I paid $20 for the show for this band simply because I could not wait until January to see them lead worship at Passion '06. When they stepped on stage the crowd went nuts. I've been to tons of shows, and this was one of the most amazing reactions to an entrance I've probably ever seen. They played a lot of stuff of the new C.D. which made me very happy...and...

they played "You Are My Joy" - my absolute favorite song of the new album. I was ecstatic when I heard them start it up. I ended up dancing and screaming and singing and worshipping my heart out all night. I broke out in a sweat and had to stop getting "Undignified" because I was tired.

A lot of people from my church were there, so it was cool to see some of them. I just wish some of my other friends - from small group and a couple others who thought they might come - were able to make it out, because it was an absolutely amazing night.

I have been so extremely blessed by God since last Friday...that is amazing.

Thanks, Lord.

Growing Pains.

I seem to be working a lot of spiritual things out right now, both consciously and sub-consciously.

On the obvious front is both my seeming lack of joy in God right now teamed with an aversion to the constant "throwing out" of what I consider cliché Christian phrases (all of which have involved the name Jesus). To be more specific, I am resenting what I called, to a close friend, cookie-cutter Christianity. A lot of the things I have been hearing lately have seemed so stereotypical and repetitive, with a pinch of insincerity.

Not to bash the people saying them, though. In fact, most every line I talk about above has come from the mouth of someone I love immensely. And, I hate to doubt their sincerity (even if I do) because I know their hearts well enough, I think, to deduce they are not saying it for either shock value or word's sake.

But it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and throws my mind for a loop.

On the sub-conscious, not-too-obvious front, things seem to be a little blurry. For instance, I feel something inside of me that convicts me that I am growing more mature spiritually. It's a heightened sense that makes its call unmistakable, but still allows for the plausibility of doubt. I try telling it I am happy facing diverse trials, knowing the by-products of such conflict equal much required (and coveted, for lack of a better word) rewards. I long for faith, perseverance, wisdom, maturity, courage, etc. Maybe God is answering my recent cries to be poured into.

Because, I am of the mind that when God actually does pour into you, it's an experience for sure.

I haven't been without joy. This past week I have been extremely happy. Much filled with joy. Serving in the church. Loving others. Selfless. But in all things still sinning.

An analogy my friend gave me this evening:

"If you take a glass of water and place a droplet of ink into it, the ink eventually permeates the entire glass of water. It is still water - but it's not the same water it used to be before the ink. Even the best part of the water still has some ink in it. You cannot escape the effects of the ink; you can only hope to be more water."

I am not the same person I was a little over a year ago. This is apparent. But, I am also not the man that I would like to be. And through various means I am coming to terms with the issue that this dichotomy presents.

To use the same verse I closed a recent e-mail with:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." {Romans 15:13}

Here's to hope.

Good Movies and God.

I've noticed something since I became a believer - but a bit of a back story might help you understand a little more.

I love movies. There is very little in this world that I enjoy more than a good movie. I don't know why - and it is much deeper than simple cinematography and special effects - but movies speak to my soul. I thank God for movies, I really do.

But what is it about a movie that is so grand? And, to take it a bit further - how is it possible for me to love movies so much, yet still glorify God and not make them idols?

It's all about the good movie. This is not all movies - and in fact - there have been few truly good movies in my life. A good movie is defined by the feeling it elicits. They are saturated with truth and make your soul cry out.

There is beauty. There is heart. There is truth. There is love. There is emotion. There are a plethora of other things that make you say "Wow" - or maybe just take your breath away.

These are the movies that after you are done watching them, you have to praise God for the universe he created. For the absolute depth he has envisioned and the magnificent wonder of it all.

But these are not all movies. Some movies speak to your soul about the depravity of humanity. There is so much senseless violence in movies it's scary. Other movies just exist to be a movie - they are fun, they're a time away from the world. They're entertainment. These serve their purposes...but these aren't good movies.

Good movies help you worship God. Good movies don't have to be intentional. Good movies have a weight that is almost hard to carry when you've finished them.

They make you cry when you're at your toughest. They make you humble when you've never been more proud. They open your eyes and show you that it - all of this - is SO much bigger than you've ever imagined.

Good movies show you God - and sometimes they don't even know it.

Unleashed.

I had heard only good things about this movie. I remember when I first saw the trailer for it I knew that I wanted to check it out. I never made it to the theater, but tonight a friend invited me over to his house and I finally got a chance to check it out.

I'm pretty sure that Jet Li's acting in this movie was not on accident (meaning that he knew what he was doing and how he was playing his part). If that is the case, I am: one, very sorry that I have seen a few of his other movies (english-dubbed or otherwise) that have given me a negative opinion of him; and, two, I am sorry that he has been type-cast for so long. This is the best movie I have seen Jet Li in and the best I have ever seen Jet Li act.

Sure, most people just like him because he is an amazing martial artist; however, in this movie it is much more than that. There is emotion, danger, feeling. Yes, he fights - but they are brutal. There are still the stylized, fluid elements - but this is a different Jet Li that is kicking and punching...it's not just for the camera and the cool looks, it's because he has to - to be free, to be the man he wants to be.

I'm not going to summarize this movie because I don't want to detract anything from it. However, I highly recommend it. You will not be wasting your time or money to check this out - it is truly superb.