"Unintentional" Worship.

I've been worshiping God through Copeland's album "In Motion" for the past week and it has been very nice. After a conversation with a friend last night about freedom in worship, and thinking a little more on what I have been enjoying lately (specifically in the musical art of worship) I had the following desire:

I want to seek Jesus in the unconventional. I want to admire him through the untraditional.

But I need some assistance - and that's where you (the reader of this) come in. I need new music. So I am issuing a challenge on two fronts.

1. Please send me recommendations of generally good music. In fact, forget that - only send me word if it is exceptional. I need something new and fascinating and wonderful to put in my ears. I care not what genre it comes from, as long as it will be extraordinary.

2. If you are a believer, send me recommendations for songs not common to the worship mold, but that speak truth and cause a genuine admiration for Jesus. If it's from a Christian artist, fine. Secular? Even better. I want something that will send me deep.

Multiple songs would be better - the more the merrier.

Thanks.

The Other Person.

As might be an obvious statement from my most recent posts, I have become fascinated with people as of late. It dawned on me, somehow, that other people exist in this world (not just me). These people have intrinsic value. They have stories. They have histories. They live and breath and move in the very world I do. While I am off doing my thing, they are in the same present reality becoming who they will be.

So I have been trying to adjust my often self-centered world-view to accommodate the other multiple-billion humans who occupy this planet with me. It's a step-by-step journey, but it's fascinating and rewarding.

This evening I had the pleasure of spending a couple hours of life with my cousin at Panera. She had soup in a bread-bowl. I had cheddar cheese melted on sourdough bread. I also had a coffee (they have good coffee there). We spent those few moments together talking about life - school, college plans, relationships, spirituality, truth, etc. She has seen a lot of things in her 17 years that have shaped her into a marvelous woman - she enjoys the arts, she values the elderly, she humbly receives advice and instruction. I admire her.

We parted ways and I felt blessed for the interaction. I was able to give up a few hours of my evening tonight and share in the life of another person. It was great.

Then, I had a chance to swing by my friend's house. I don't see this friend often, but care deeply for him and his family. My goddaughter is incredibly cute - she wore her princess dress around the house, talked a lot, and drew a wonderful(ly horrible) picture of me with happy eyes (after I had her erase the picture of me with mean eyes). It was good to be around my friend again. It was nice to take him to a gas station for a pop. It was fun watching videos of laughing babies on YouTube.

I think tonight was a tiny representation of what living for and loving others looks like. It was such a simple thing for me to spend time with these people. It demanded sacrifice, but it was small and easily overlooked.

I need more times like this in my life. And I hope that I can have eyes to see opportunity and wonderful occasion when they come along.

The Other Person is so intriguing. When I am able to shut up, be still, and listen - their story is such a wonderful thing to hear.

To An Unknown Girl.

The mewithoutYou show last night was pretty spectacular - but first, an aside:

I don't know your name. You were at the show last night with two other girls. You were all standing behind me in line waiting to get in. I was talking with the two guys who got coffee from KFC. I lost contact with you during the first two bands, but then you showed up right behind me in the crowd when mewithoutYou came on. You were wearing a white beanie. When the crowd opened up I was able to move you forward a bit. After the show you turned around, smiled, and went back to your friends (who were right behind me). I never got your name. If you ever happen across this, I'd like to know it. And if you live anywhere feasible for me to travel to, I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee.

Aloha turned out to be pretty fun. I was pretty far back when they came on, so I didn't have a good view (I'm also pretty short, so all the tall people in front of me ruined my vantage). They were very laid back, a bit eclectic, and good fun for an opener. I was hoping they'd set the mood for the evening (relaxed) but I was wrong.

Sparta was amazing - but I am glad they played second because I came to the show for mewithoutYou. I had made my way up in the crowd a bit, so I had a good space for their set. The crowd ended up going pretty crazy during a few of their songs - but I was generally pleased to see it was "old-school" moshing and movement rather than the hardcore, ninja-kicking, hurt-people crap I've faced at other shows. I will probably end up purchasing Sparta's new record, and I recommend you do the same.

mewithoutYou was an experience. I have wanted to see these guys for quite a while now, but never had a chance because they never play anywhere close. I will now be willing to travel a bit longer for a chance to see them again. Multiple favorite tracks played, Aaron going crazy on stage, free-form presentation - it was great. I wish their set had been a bit longer, but alas, it wasn't to be.

While watching them play I was brought back to the idea that we all worship something. Seeing people dancing around, shouting, throwing their hands in the air, and singing every lyric (myself included in some cases) - I realized that we are very passionate people. We love experiences. We gravitate towards art, towards emotion, towards excellence. I always enjoy "people watching" because I think people are fascinating and I am really trying to understand the complexity of their existence. Last night was a wonderful foray into the lives of some very interesting people. It was a good experience - not just for the music.

While I am not necessarily looking forward to all of the driving that will be required, the first weekend of April will be fun. I'm hoping to arrange my schedule and resources so I can spend some time in Cincinnati while I am there (more than just showing up for the shows each night). I'd like to find a nice part of the city to walk around (close to the venue, Memorial Hall) and definitely a coffeehouse or two. If you live in that area, or know that area, and have any suggestions - drop me a line.

Why?

I've been in a very inquisitive mood lately. It started a while ago and pops up every now and then. I like questions. Questions inherently create...conversation, reflection, inquiry, etc. I like all of those things.

I was eating my lunch outside the other day - watching cars pass by, getting a chill from the wind, enjoying the sun poking its rays out through the cloud cover. Thinking, with my journal open and my pen at the ready, I started to let any and all questions have freedom. I wound up with...

There are so many people that drive by Southland everyday - do they know Jesus? What are their lives like? Are they happy? Are they hurting? Do they need someone in their life? Do they want someone? What about all the houses across the road? Do they come here? Why? Why not? Why is a church right next to us? Do we need another church? How can we work together? Should we work together? Why do I like questions so much? Who answers? Why? Why does that answer matter? Can other people answer? Should I listen?

I've been trying to remodel my world-view and it has proven to be less than simple. If you've read Blue Like Jazz you've heard this before, but it's true - equate my life to a movie and I am the biggest star. I am in every scene. The entire movie is shot through my eyes. My perception, good or bad, right or wrong, affects the story.

How do I make it a good story? How do I make it a story worth watching? How do I make it a story worth immersing yourself in?

So many people pass me by everyday - and every one of them is unique. Every one of them has a lifetime of experiences that has shaped them into the person they are. They are amazingly complex. They are not just set pieces.

How do I involve them in this great story? What part do they play?

So many questions.

5pm!

I was made for days like today. It is absolutely beautiful outside and I get off work an hour early!

I find it amazing how my attitude and mood can change simply by walking outside on a nice, sunny day. I've been a bit melodramatic the past few weeks - much darker than usual. But, as soon as I set foot outside this afternoon to head to lunch things have certainly turned around.

I am so thankful for the change in seasons. My life tends to fluctuate with each one - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. While I am, at least for today, in a "brighter" place - I am also thankful for the winter months when I can face a lot of the darker stuff in my life and try to work through the things that tend to get me bitter, angry, or depressed.

Tonight I am looking forward to coffee, maybe some ultimate frisbee, and community with someone I've been eagerly anticipating spending time with again. We'll see how the evening shapes up.

Hopefully your respective climate is as positive as this one.

Hopefully you can grow in the cycles and changes our natural world invites us to be a part of.

(Another) E-Mail.

We were talking yesterday (briefly) about honesty and emotion in our relationship with God. Yesterday afternoon, due to various life situations, I got a little frustrated, a little depressed, and a little angry. For a couple nights I’ve been just listening to music on the way home, being honest about my intentions to “run away” from situations for the 20-minute drive. Last night I allowed myself to “be angry” on the ride home, and then remembered a lot of the anger I had before-Christ and now living with Christ (not towards him). It felt nice to be angry (even if the honesty of the emotion did not make it alright to be angry).

Anyway, all that to say that last night I came to the conclusion, and wrote in my journal (which makes it official!) that Christ gave, has given, and gives me hope. I thought a lot about people who were like, “Jesus saved me from alcoholism...Jesus saved me from depression...Jesus saved me from...” and I always felt like I didn’t have anything. I felt like I was a pretty good guy. I didn’t party hard, and when I did party I liked it (I didn’t want to be saved from it). When I got angry, I let it go. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Ever since I started this whole journey with Jesus I have had hope. When the world just totally pisses me off and I want to burn it to the ground, I hear Jesus telling me to love them and to have hope that things might get better. When I am all sad because whatever is happening in my life is not to my specific liking, I remember Jesus telling me that things are going to be bad, but that he is bigger and better than all of this.

I talked with Vic today and he kind of affirmed some things for me. I didn’t want to be saved. I didn’t really even think I needed to be saved. I’m still walking that journey where I realize how horrible I really am – how much I deserve punishment – and how happy I should be that I am not going to receive it. But I am saved and I think that’s a pretty great thing.

Just thought I’d share that with you.

Prayer for Gracie.

A sick and suffering child. A family bereft. Small words for such a large situation:

In the hush of His silence, we may hear the echoes of His faithfulness.
With the rains and the floods our foundation is tested.
He changes everything.
Suffering becomes the glorification of obedience.
Helplessness encourages holy dependency.
Fear and doubt are but predecessors to courage and faith.
Sacrifice and loss are changed into our great reward.
Blood, sweat, and tears are spiritual offerings.
Nothing goes unnoticed.
Our God is good and acts with powerful mercy towards us.
How great are His promises.
A just wrath traded for unmerited grace.
Rebels made sons and daughters.
The far off brought near.
May the Spirit shine light.
Illuminate.
Soften.
Open.
Eyes and hearts and minds now enamored with the beauty of Jesus.
Forgetting what is past.
Never anxious about the future.
Wholly grateful for the chance to live presently.

We're All The Same.

As I was sitting in church a few weekends ago listening to our senior minister reading from an e-mail sent to him from a proclaimed non-believer, a lot of thoughts went through my head. The culmination of these was a stirring realization that we, as humans, are inescapably alike. Peoples' pains, their choices, their needs - many of them mirror my own struggles, desires, and actions. A fact remains across the barriers often placed by religion and culture - we are all human. I take it a step further to say that we are all image-bearers - made with purpose, valuable, images of something much bigger than ourselves. Some, it seems, just don't know that.

And so I listen as this message is read - filled full with sweeping imagery (not unlike my own destitute writing from years past). There is a very apparent longing - for connection, for release (peace), for hope, for change. I feel blessed now, as I look back, to see that this woman and I are so very connected - and I feel a great guilt that I am not able to be a part of this person's life - a restored relationship, a mend to separation.

Reading through Mark Driscoll's "Radical Reformission" the other night (specifically Chapter Three - ) has shed a lot of light on the importance of community and relationships in our lives - whether they are personal and intimate or passing and broad. Romantic. Friendly. Kind. Deep.

We are a people who were made to be connected and our separation is killing us.

First and foremost I believe we have been separated from God. Not many people would agree with me here because it seems, specific to current culture, that not many people believe in God. I take this a step further, "weeding" out even more "supporters" I may have to this conclusion and say that we have been separated from Jesus - a very real, very powerful, very perfect representation of love and connection. Oh that the world's eyes (including my own) would be opened to such a glorious sight.

Second, and probably most agreeable across the board, we have been separated from each other. For whatever reasons - whether it be our evil choices and the consequences that follow, or the unintended repercussions of another's actions - we are no longer connected to each other. We need to be close and intimate with each other, but we are afraid it might not work, so we build walls - further complicating our efforts to connect. This continued construction does nothing but further prevent us from reaching and loving each other - forcing us into isolation, and possibly even worse, apathy.

Some people get this - they see this rampant detachment that plagues us. They're trying to help. Trying to tear down walls and build relationships back again. These people often go by the name counselor, or therapist. Sometimes they go by the name associate, confidant. Other times it is acquaintance, or friend. They have even been known as brother, as parent.

I have to believe we are trying. I just get frustrated by the lack of success.

So how can I, personally, bring hope to a very dark world? A world that fears both loneliness and rejection. A world that has in its building and complacency almost become oblivious to its perishing.

I'm going to start by hugging people. And I am going to have to be intentional about this. People need touch - they need embrace. I can't do much to meet this deeply - but I can hug you.

I am going to talk to people and do my absolute best to uplift them. Not because they are perfect. Not because they need something to boast about. But because I love them and I want them to be happy - and when you tell someone they are beautiful, or that you love them, or that they take really nice pictures it makes them happy.

I'm going to pray. I'm going to beg my God that he not leave us broken.

What Are You Afraid Of?

Reminder.

New Year Goals.

I'm a bit late getting these up. I've had the list sitting as a draft for over a month now. Thankfully, I've actually seen some growth in numerous areas. Please continue to pray for me.

. Walk More
. Eat More Fruits and Vegetables
. Listen to People When They Talk (Memorize What They Say)
. Dedicate Time to the People You Love (And Those That Love You)
. Dedicate Time to the People Who Don't Love You (Or Know You)
. Dedicate Time to the People Who Hate You (Or You Hate)
. Talk to, with, about God (Alone and in Public)
. Spend More Time at Common Grounds (And Other Coffee Houses)
. Just Trust God and Sponsor A Child (Stop Stalling) (Completed January 5, 2007)!
. Make it a point to pray for above child daily. (Added 02-07-07)
. Study the Old Testament (There Is Treasure There)
. Study the New Testament (Who Is Jesus?)
. Take More Pictures (Print More. Give Away More.)
. Learn to Be Comfortably Silent (Or Just Silent Regardless)
. Write More. Journal. Blog. Whatever. Just Write.
. Read More. Theology. Fiction. Newspapers. Magazines.
. Get the Guitar from Under Your Bed. Dust Off. Learn to Play
. Leave KY At Least Once. Preferably More Than Twice.
Planned: New Orleans (August-ish)
Planned: New York, NY (Dispatch Show, July 14, 2007)
. Be Courageous
. Find Out Who You Are
. Camp, Hike, Backpack, Run Away More
. Truly Rest (Don't Just Vegetate)
. Listen to More Music (Not Just Your Favorites)
. See More Concerts (At Coffee Houses and Beyond)
. Stop Worrying About Girls
. Truly Lead Your High School Guys (Mentor, Disciple, Encourage)
. Stop Procrastinating At Work (God Doesn't Pay You to Be Lazy)
. Be More Generous Than in 2006
. Be Honest With God
. Acquire and Maintain Sexual Purity (In All Its Facets)
. Stop Watching So Much T.V. (Or Stop Totally)
. See If You Can Live Without the Internet (Aside From Work)
. Volunteer More, Even If Its Out of Your Comfort Zone or Preference
. Drink More Water
. Stop Being Worrisome and Anxious
. Move Out Of Your Parents' House
. Exercise More (Ride a Bike, Take a Run, Lift Weights)
. Devote Time to God Daily (Hourly, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly)
. Worship Without Reservation (And Without Regard to Self)
. Clean Out the Tangible and Intangible Junk in Your Life
. Patience Is A Virtue
. Seek Solitude
. Seek Community
. Seek Jesus
. Add More Things To This List

Liars Go To Hell.

I was visiting thelongbrake.com (checking for any updates) and I decided to click through some of his recommended links, starting with Finding Rhythm. The newest article was entitled "A Failure of Biblical Literalism." The argument presented was a comparison/contrast between Exodus 1:15-20 and Revelation 21:6-8. In Exodus we see two women who lie to Pharoah to spare their own lives and the lives of the male children they refused to murder. In Revelation, we see that liars have a common destination - Hell. A question was raised: "So if I am supposed to read these scriptures literally, then what are we to believe in regards to the fate of both Shiphrah and Puah?" (Since they lied, and liars go to Hell, are they there right now?)

All this got me to thinking...who goes to Hell and why? So I went down the list of offenses in Revelation: cowards, unbelievers, murderers, idolaters, liars. And then it kind of hit me:

"And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Corinthians 6:11)

If you look two verses before this declaration you will find almost the exact same list: adulterers, thieves, drunkards - all of which are marked to not inherit the Kingdom of God. That is, unless they are washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of Jesus.

So the question to me is no longer "Do (insert sinful offenders here) go to Hell?"

The question is, "Who isn't washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of Jesus?"

The practicing (habitual continuance) of sin is an outward manifestation of inward disbelief in the Son of God - proclaimed to be the only source of reconciliation with God (and thus eternal life) - see John 14:6, 17:3. Our foremost argument should not be on the complexities of morality, the effects of sin, or the "external" interpretation of Scripture.

Our questions should be: Who is God? What has he revealed? What is our response?

Anything else seems to me to be a waste of time that only leads to problems (see Titus 3:9).

Sound(s) About Right?

At work we are going through the book "Now, Discover Your Strengths." Along the way you are asked to take a test that uses your responses to try to capture five dominant strengths. While I maintain my skepticism with all of this, the results I got do look rather close to the perceptions I have of myself. We'll just have to see how these "strengths" play out in my day-to-day life and occuptation.

.Input –
(Inquisitive, Interested, Collector, Acquirer, Compiler)


.Ideation –
(Fascinated with Ideas, Creative, Original, Conceptual, Smart)


.Intellection –
(Like to Think, Exercising Thought, Introspective, Reflective)


.Developer –
(Find Potential in Others, Challenge Others, Confidant, Helper)


.Belief –
(Responsible, Altruistic, Spiritual, Ethical, Dependable, Prioritized)

Dream Big.

I feel a bit embarrassed that tomorrow will most likely be the first Martin Luther King, Jr. Day where I actually take time to reflect on the man and his accomplishments. I have only recently begun to look into his works, and I have only recently had eyes to see the dramatic effect he had on our nation. I just finished reading a great message by John Piper. It was specifically about interracial marriage, but the broad topic that it hits on - our equality in Christ - is certainly worth checking out. Also, once you've taken the time to read through that, click on the picture below for a transcript and video of Mr. King's most infamous speech.

Pale Blue Dot.

I think another great name for this post would be The Infinite and the infinitesimal.

Many of you might have already seen this, but I think it bears repeating. The astronomer's comments at the bottom are also very good. We seem so big when we look through the lens of our own eyes, our own perception. Thankfully, every now and then, we have the chance to step back and be humbled.

Click Here For the Pale Blue Dot

My faith in Christ, and what that specific moment in history represents, only makes this a larger statement. The Holy of Holies, which is magnificently greater than us, placed Himself in this universe, and much more, onto that pale blue dot. It blows my mind to think of what that actually signifies. I have the Gospel, I have many explanations - but I have not wisdom nor knowledge to understand.

He, like millions of others, was born, breathed, lived, died, and was resurrected on this little dot. The great I AM became like me to save me. You. Anyone who would say, "Yes...I will have your salvation."

Be reconciled to God. His brilliance is far greater than the void that surrounds our "great" blue dot.

Run Away.

Since it is never acceptable to pull a "no-call, no-show" - make sure to let your boss/work know...but, do not go in tomorrow. Wake up late. Eat something bad-for-you for breakfast. Drink a cup of coffee (even if you don't like it). Put on dirty clothes (right out of the hamper, or right off the floor). Get in your car. Start it. Roll down the windows (it doesn't matter if it's winter). Insert a CD into the player (hopefully you have a CD player, and hopefully the CD you put in is good). Now drive. You don't have to know where you're going, just drive. When you get there (and you'll probably know where there is by this point), park the car and just sit. Be silent. Now get out of the car and be loud. Run around; flail your arms like a madman. Sing a song. OK, get back in the car. Put in another CD. Start driving again. Find a mountain. Find a hill. Find some elevated spot away from everyone and everything. Get out the disposable camera you bought on the way here. Wait for it. The sun is about to go down. Get bored. Take some pictures of random things. Start taking pictures of the sunset. Run out of film. Sit. Marvel. Relax. Enjoy. Go home. Stay up way too late watching movies way too bad to waste your time on. Wake up early. Take a shower. Dress in clean clothes. Go to work. Realize that yesterday you were alive. Realize that you're also alive today. Enjoy.

Devotionals.

I recently had the privilege of writing a week's worth of devotionals for a message at my church about exploring the depths of God's love.

Below, you will find the link to the page where they are located. If you take the chance to read them, let me know your thoughts. This was my first real foray into writing something for the church that is widely used and distributed, so any helpful advice is appreciated (especially if I get the chance to do something like this again).

Please note, these devotionals are property of Southland Christian Church, not myself. As such, I cannot grant any right, nor do I give permission, to reproduce or distribute them by any means. If you, for some reason, have the desire to do so - please contact Southland Christian Church with your request.

Here's hoping for your enjoyment and growing devotion to the Lord through these:

Southland Christian Church Devotionals - Exploring the Depths of God's Love

(If for some reason the link does not work, please comment or email me and I will attempt to fix the problem.)

That's My Boy!

So, one of my new year's resolutions was to stop stalling, trust God, and adopt sponsor a child. I'll admit my reservations: I was worried about where the (small amount of) money I was going to be giving would be truly going; I was worried that this type of support was only a band-aid to a dramatic global condition - that what I was doing wouldn't amount to a hill of beans in this world. I'd never done anything like this before. I wondered whether my money would be better spent supporting the homeless, the widow, and the orphan here locally.

But I wanted to trust God. I wanted to put my money where my mouth was and take the step of faith that my measly dollars could actually improve someone's life. That I could enter into this sponsorship and pray for this child and that God would actually move in their life.

And so I just got done giving my information to World Vision. I'm now a child sponsor.

I'm not going to post his picture here, yet, because I don't know the "rules." But I can tell you that my boy's name is Eduardo. He lives in Nicaragua. He's seven years old. He likes to paint.

So I'm supporting an artist. Who lives in a country whose main export is coffee.

Seems like divine appointment to me :)

If you would - join me in praying for Eduardo, and for all the children who might not get sponsored today (or ever). Pray that I will stay committed to this journey. It's exciting - and I hope for all the best.

Email.

It's a bit late, I'm somewhat tired, and here's an e-mail I just wrote to my boss:

Subject: Man, It's Pretty Late.

I just got finished writing the devotionals and sent them off to... Hopefully they're what she's looking for. She said she would publish them regardless, which I guess makes sense because otherwise she'd have to write them herself or have no devotionals. But, I guess it's also dangerous in that she asked me to complete them...but she can't be faulted for that because she doesn't know me that well.

Anyway - I was on webmail and got the urge to write you, so here I am. I'm listening to John Mayer sing, very well actually, about how we suck a whole lot because all we do is wait for the world to change. Pretty deep stuff, if you ask me (and then stick around to hear my opinion on it). But, as of this moment, all I really have is opinions - so I guess I haven't done much to help the world to change, other than releasing hot air (from all my talking) - which might have contributed to global warming...which actually hurts the Earth.

Oops.

But, hey, in my defense they've done some studies that suggest that cow flatulence might actually be more harmful for the Earth (as far as global warming is concerned) than man-made things (like automobiles and Trevor's opinions).

Have a Great Day at Work, Buddy!

-tdurbs

Merry Christmas!

I probably won't get back into blog-mode until after Christmas, so I figured it would be nice to send this out beforehand.

(The reason the text looks funny on the post-it note is because I had to write everything backwards. No grief, please)

That About Explains It.

Unsolicited Advice.

How amazing would it be for someone much older and wiser than me to put things into perspective?

(Just thinking out loud).

5 Things.

To go along with the trend my two friends started with recent posts, I present:

5 Things You May (Or May Not) Know About Me:

1) I Love Office Supplies - I have no idea why, but I gather much joy from an outing to Office Depot, Office Max, or even the office supply aisle of WalMart. I love pens, paper, notebooks, organizers, little-colored-dot-stickers you put on things at a yard-sale. I like to have business cards made - it makes me feel important. I like to sit down at all of the desks and act like it's either my home office or I work somewhere really important where owning a metal-glass desk hybrid is acceptable.

2) I'm a Hypochondriac - I can't watch shows like E.R. or House because it freaks me out. One time, there was this patient on House who ate ham and contracted this crazy virus and almost died. I stayed away from ham for a little while after that (you can't avoid ham forever). I'm not insane about germs, but I do often self-diagnose illnesses that I "have" and often worry about diseases I'll probably never get.

3) I'm an Extremely Picky Eater - I can go to almost any restaurant and find something I like, but often times it requires specific instructions (no onion, no pickle, no sauce of any kind). I also avoid trying new foods because, sometimes, the very thought of it makes me ill. I have no idea where this developed from, because when I was a child I used to eat sticks (we have the pictures to prove it).

4) I Wanted to be an English Major - For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of the written word. I used to write short stories, poetry, and works of fiction all the time. I even thought I would go to college to study English and become a writer. But, as time went on and I got more involved with technology, my focus changed. The creative spark is still present, though...so we'll see where it leads.

5) I Used to Live With a Pig - We've had countless dogs over the years (currently three), a couple hamsters, a ferret, five or so goats, and a pig. The pig's name was Pumba. He was a pot-bellied pig and he lived in our house. He was like a dog, except larger and not canine. He was potty-trained better than our current dogs and loved to roll over and have his belly rubbed (he would actually fall asleep/become paralyzed at times). He lived outside of our house for the last few years of his life and grew awesome looking tusks. He was an awesome pig until the end.

Doxology.

Thank You, Lord - for your gracious gifts to me.
Those tangible, those not seen.
Those received with thanks, the unfortunate forgotten.
Thank You for treating me better than I deserve.
For Your limitless patience and overwhelming love.
That I know You, and continue to know You.
Have mercy on me in my weakness.
In all things bless me with Your presence.
Help me to be forever Yours.

Make a Snowflake.

Want to support charity this Christmas but don't have the extra cash laying around? Just click here and you can have fun creating a snowflake which, as more and more people let loose creatively, raises the amount donated. So simple.

And just to help get those paper-cutting ideas flowing - here's my little masterpiece.

Lessons Learned.

I thank God that He uses the most mundane of situations to teach me great life lessons. The realizations are often spectacular, and teamed with the unexpected activity of the time, often collaborate for good story telling.

I get home tonight, drop my junk off in my room, and head back into the kitchen. Our three dogs (pug, pug, jack russell) are waiting eagerly for my return because, they are sure, it means lots of treats and hours of attention. The jack russell is "my" dog - which equates in this family to my giving her preferential treatment over the other dogs. She's a bit high-strung and often nervous, but I love her.

Anyway - we have a ton of those dog barrier gates set up to limit the location where our dogs can have accidents. Every time that I, or any person, gets close to a gate - our dogs jump up and run the other direction. Too many times my leg has kicked one of these over and scared the crap out of them - thus instilling for all future visits shear dog dread.

Once I get past the gate, I am free to instill upon the dogs all the love I can bear to release; no amount of ear scratching, belly rubbing, or other dog-related service is too much with these three.

But, tonight, as I am trying to use two hands to love three dogs the jack russell isn't cooperating...she's standing a bit too far off for reach - so I beckon her closer. As I reach out I say, "Come a bit closer, I can't love you unless you come closer."

And it hits me...God has said the same thing to me...to us. He beckons us to come close to Him to receive all that He is - all His love, compassion, mercy...Him. And I wonder why we wouldn't jump at that opportunity. And then I think of my dogs.

I don't come to God because I don't really trust Him. I mean, I do - but there is always that concern in the back of my head. Far too many times I've been scolded by God. Is He calling me close for love, or for discipline? Am I approaching Him correctly? What about these other dogs around me?

And no matter how many times I assure our dogs - they still run away when they see me coming from behind that gate - even when I hold out my hands in love and speak gently to them while crossing. That same cautiousness appears even in the most tender moments between us.

And so tonight I was reminded that God is calling out to me, telling me to come close to Him, to be embraced, to be loved - and to see my (oft) reaction to it. And I got a true taste of what it feels like to be rejected - to offer love to a response of reservation.

Neither was especially sweet, but both visions were very appreciated.

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.

Public Declaration, Part Two.

In regards to my previous declaration, I will let the Word speak for itself:

"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9

My naiveté amazes me sometimes.

Thursday_August_31_2006

Going through some old documents. Was feeling especially something this day:

I'll call you a hypocrite straight through this mirror of mine, without batting an eye
But I'll never turn around to see those burnt bridges I left behind
This old desert road looks vaguely familiar as I walk down the line
It's been so long since I've seen a soul pass me by
And up on the horizon I see something like a mirage that's looking just like me
But he isn't walking this way, his back's turned and he's running away
Because I saw me coming from miles away
And you reach out your hand I have to squint because it's so remarkably bright
And you tell me stories and hold me close and whisper something about things being alright
But I just can't stay, I've got things to do – need to get on with these plans of my own
But the more I walk, the sicker I feel, and the darker it gets
But I can't turn around because you're so far back there and I can no longer see that part of the road
It's just a distant memory like a haunting dream that's unable to let go
So I press on towards the mirage because he seems to be heading somewhere important
Well, at least he's running away from me
And maybe sometime soon I'll see that beautiful beam
And I'll hear that voice that I love so much and you'll make sure to let me know you care
And how hard I pray that on that day my ears aren't clogged and my heart's in a mood to listen
Because I know my downright despicable condition
And I'm in need of a physician real bad because the blood is pouring out of me
And I just can't stop the flow of words that run around my mind
speaking things I thought I'd left behind
And my muscles are cramping up and it feels like they're under control of some ghost
Like I'm watching from outer space this story unfold
and I can recognize the characters but they can't hear my voice
To stop and just listen to the narrator of the story because he's got it all figured out
and it's not just because he's holding the script
And there's just something about that light at the end of the road that is drawing me near
So close and I can feel the warmth of your breath against my lungs
and how freely I can breath in this fresh air
I fall against the ground and I've never felt grass so soft before –
like silk or some other exotic fabric that's been knitted together just to support me
How easy it would be to just fall asleep right now, in your arms,
with that soft song being sung over me
But I'm uneasy and a tad bit broken and something has got me stirring in my bones
Hold on to me like a little child and nestle me to sleep because I know I am restless and it's so early in the morning but you have to be that caring parent because I just can't live without you
And where did I begin? I've traveled so long down this road of emotions and thoughts and things
I just wish I had it all together, had everything lined up and pretty and I could grasp it and control it and manipulate it as I please – but not in the bad way, not in the negative connotation of those words
Because I'm dying to be yours, dying to live that life I've heard about
and everyone seems to model so much better than myself
But we all know how much of a failure I am, or how quick I see one thing and am off to another
So all this is to say this is what's going on and I just need you to be patient as I work things out
And if you're kind enough you can be that small nudge at my back
pressing me on in the right direction
Because as honest as I am I have no map and my internal compass is broken
So I'm looking forward to directions from the one who knows the way
The one who knows me best
And I'm just hoping there's a destination at the end of this road
because continuing to walk along is about all that I've got.

How He Loves Us.

I get home tonight and check MySpace and becoming instantly, amazingly happy to see that John Mark McMillan has created a new profile, to which he has posted the song "How He Loves Us" - which I happen to believe is quite possibly the best worship song written, at least after just finishing listening to it.

But, as the final lyrics passed by, the emotion hanging heavy in John's voice, I felt a pain and a question hit my heart. How do we respond to the love of God? And this isn't a question as to how much we love God - the answer there is far too little. My thoughts were on how should we respond to a love so great, so penetrating, so mysterious, even sometimes so gracefully painful?

How do you sing of God's love when you're afraid for your parent's lives? When you're worried about being sick? When you don't feel fulfilled in your day-to-day life and have no real image of where you might be better suited, or called? When the meaningless things of this world become far greater and pressure you into fear, disillusionment, doubt, or things even worse?

I want to live everyday filled to the brim with this unimaginable love. I want to be poured into and onto until it hurts to hold it in. And that is frightening in a very real way. Because I have no idea how to do this, and I have no idea what my reaction might be if I could let myself be loved like that.

But it seems right. God just has to be up there right now singing that song to us...

"How I love you. Oh, how I love you. Oh, how I love you. How...I...love...you."

Nothing seems right without that. Everything fades, but that light refuses to be quenched.

God, how I hope.

Public Declaration.

So in the coming months, if all goes according to plan, there will not be any people to misunderstand the things happening in my life - I have decided to come here to publicly proclaim and explain the journey (as I know it) that I am embarking on. I would never want any poor soul to think of me more highly than I deserve (which, in honesty, is pretty nil).

"Insta-Prayer" - From now on, out of personal conviction and because of my track record with following things through - if someone has a prayer request for me, and I know them well enough to know they will not be freaked out by the act, I will pray with and for, at the instant such a request arises, any person. I have no intentions of stepping onto my carry-around soapbox and displaying for all to see my spiritual praying power. I also want to steer clear of the person I am praying for thinking the same. The only reason I am doing this is because I know, generally speaking, I won't pray for that person unless I do it right then and there. And, with this first step out of the way - who knows...maybe more prayer will follow.

Living (Dancing, Singing, Praying...) Sacrifice - I'm tired of being personally embarrassed about my worship. I want to sing and dance and be crazy - regardless of whether it's happening personally or corporately. This specific choice relates particularly to the music and praise aspect of worship - but I am not against it coming out in other areas. I want no shame in my outward expression of the joy I have for being the Lord's.

Similarly related to this is my desire to decrease the awareness I have of myself. I'm tired of lifting my hands and spinning around (Marvelous Light) and being wholly aware of the fact that I am doing it. When I close my eyes and begin a time of relflection and praise - I want to forget who I am and have ever before me - burned into my heart, mind, soul, and the backs of my eyelids - the glory of God.

Evangelical Prowess - I love music. I think it's some of the greatest stuff out there. I enjoy movies quite a bit as well. Man, do I love hanging out at a coffeeshop. I am full of opinions. I totally dig sleeping in sometimes. Jesus Christ is the Son of God. Mighty to Save.

See what I am talking about? It's time to speak up about this. For two reasons. One, it's kind of a big deal. I mean - if I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, that He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, that He does in fact bring us to the Father - why am I not telling anyone and everyone?

Secondly, if I really enjoy this relationship with a living God so much...if I really do "love" Him...shouldn't he be part of my conversations with people? I have no qualms letting people know how great the new mewithoutYou album is. Where's the fear in dropping the J-bomb coming from?

Three In 3 - I asked God to give me three years of spiritual growth over the next three years of time. Wow, one might say...that seems like a hefty prayer. It's not really.

First, I stole the idea from a girl at my friend's church. She was delivering the message the day I went with them and she told those in attendance how she asked God for six years of spiritual growth in one year. That is a hefty prayer. Asking to just simply grow up over the next three years seems a bit small in comparison.

Second, the entire job of God fulfilling this request and my ability to handle an answered prayer is already kicking my butt. I have already been faced with serious doubts about the direction of my life, my personal (faith) convictions, my ability to minister...etc., etc.

I wonder what the next 1,093 days are going to look like since I first made the request?

So there you have it. There is probably a bit more - but that seems like a nice starting point. If you're the praying type, I would appreciate a bit of your time the next time you're bending God's ear.

Shameless Self Promotion.

By now, whomever still passes by here from time to time must have gotten used to my constant need to let people know that my Flickr site has a ton of new pictures uploaded (with more to come...sitting on my harddrive waiting to be "processed"). Thank you for your patronage and patience with this constant deluge.

I have a very existential post coming up. The idea is sitting in a document on my Desktop...I just need to find time to sit down and write it. I'm giving up television for a week because the senior minister of our church asked me to, so that might lend itself well to activities other than rotting out my brain.

Oh, and I am giving blood on Tuesday (hopefully). I was denied last time because of issues with light-headedness. Maybe this time I can last long enough to get drained. I would really like to save some lives. It sounds like something nice to do on a lunch break.

Have a great week. E-mail me if you need anything.

Another? So Soon?

So, I was sitting in the den and a thought just popped into my mind. But, first, a little background.

My dad and I traveled to Midway last night to check out a coffee shop and hear a set by a musician who often plays/sings with our worship team at church. As her time drew to a close she began to speak about World Vision - a great organization dedicated to serving needs around the world. She ended with a quote from Mother Theresa: "If you can't feed 100 people, then feed just 1."

Rewind back to a conversation I was having with a friend some time ago about possibly sponsoring/adopting a child through Compassion International or World Vision. His heart and intentions are good, so I don't take this comment in a horribly negative way, but he expressed concern over the amount of help these offerings actually give. He thought of them as a band-aid rather than an immediate or far-reaching channel of change. I understand where he is coming from...it is much more weighty on someone's heart to completely change a situation for the better rather than becoming a monthly caretaker for small, simple needs.

So, as I thought about the quote from last night, and his comments, I heard a new thing in my mind. "If you cannot prevent the wounds from being made, at least apply a band-aid."

Our small contributions ($30 per month) may not dramatically improve the quality of life in these impoverished countries. There may be no removal for these families from horrible locations and situations. It might just be a meal that keeps them alive one more day, month, or year.

So as much as I want their lives to be dramatically improved; as much as I would love to see the country turn around and the effects of greed, overpopulation, disease, and so many other terribly things go away - I cannot deny these people one more day of life. One more month. One more year.

A small sacrifice can become a massive hand of help.

For The Masses.

Until I'm able to devote any time to actual content for this little blog, I figured a general update could take up some space. I think there are still a few people who come here that I do not have communication with on a regular basis...and since they come here I assume they want to know what's going on in my life - so here it is.

Work is still amazing. I feel like my transition into the real world is moving smoothly. I am still having trouble delegating appropriate use of my time - which is frustrating because when I waste time I feel like I am letting the church down. It's been an amazing opportunity to be in this position and a great six months so far - so I pray I can get serious about fixing this issue with what I would consider procrastination. Other than that, no complaints whatsoever.

Life outside of work is spent pretty much the same. I'm in my second year of co-leading a high school life group (the boys are now Juniors). We have had more "trouble" and dilemmas in the past few weeks than we had ALL last year - but it keeps us on our toes and allows us to try and be actual leaders/mentors every now and then. There is a bit of an issue keeping things on track and trying to "get deep" and have time for serious discussion - but I imagine with time, and after walking the guys through how a life group really works, things should get better.

I am totally loving the newfound interests in my life. I feel like I am kind of going through a metamorphasis, grabbing onto and placing inside me the things I want to "define" my time and who I am. Music. Art. Photography. Writing. Love. These seem to be the big things I am pursuing right now. Hopefully I am honoring my time and the One who gave me that time with each of these interests.

Nothing fascinating to end on. Just continuing to hope for better days ahead.

I'm Still Alive.

I Think.

Who Are We Kidding?

There is a story in the Bible of a man who brings his child to Jesus because he is suffering from epilepsy and was often found acting strangely. The disciples were not able to heal the child. Jesus heals the child instantly, assumed from the text, with little effort. The disciples, bewildered, wonder why they were not able to do the same thing. Jesus responds:

"Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

If I am wrong, please let me know, but I have not seen many mountains moving lately. I say that with sarcasm, but I also speak it as a truth pointing to my own failures of faith (hoping that others might realize this is a much broader problem).

Every day that I wake up, think about Jesus (if I think about Jesus) and genuinely believe all the things I've read, all the things I've thought, all the things I have come to "believe" - that in and of itself could be likened to a miracle - an impossible happening.

My faith is microscopic. It borders on non-existence. Have we any idea how small a grain of mustard seed is? And yet we trounce around as if our faith moves mountains - as if our own mental/spiritual might is rivaled only by God Himself?

Ladies and gentlemen, excuse me if I speak lies and dismiss them quickly if these words are false - our individual (and I would almost argue collective) faiths are not only fragile, they are miniscule. They are barely worth speaking of.

And I hope that is what Jesus was trying to get at. Faith moves mountains, but not our faith.

I imagine our faith is the tiny thread, barely visible, that keeps our soiled souls clinging onto this great Majesty we were blessed to perceive in the first place. As Christians, as believers, we must understand we are absolutely nothing without God. Nothing.

It bears repeating...nothing.

So let's concentrate a bit less on the measuring sticks of faithfulness, comparatively and retrospectively. It's already been settled. We're less than a grain of mustard seed.

But - so this post does not end on such a negative note. Let us all celebrate and relish in the hope that our justification with God hinges (and is validated) by such a small measure. Thank God we are expected so little of, yet gifted with so much.

Fall?

It's getting cooler outside and I find myself strangely intrigued by the change. I was walking outside at work today and the brisk air made me feel a lot better. Plus, it was overcast and muggy all day and I actually tend to like such things (oh, and I got to spend some time on the roof of our sanctuary and the view was amazing!)

I'm listening to some new music. I've had mewithoutYou in the CD player for the past week - each repetition of the (entire) album making it better and better. I was even inspired to do a bit of writing...some of which might show up here later (but only if you all are good).

Other than that I am looking forward to the weekend. No plans for tomorrow. BBQ at my aunt's house Sunday. Off from work Monday.

We'll see how things transpire.

My Own Worst Critic.

I am, in fact, the above. Contrary to popular belief - this is not all negative. But I will focus on that first (to get it out of the way).

The reason why being one's own worst critic can be a bad thing is because it often tends to overexaggerate things. I tend to make many stupid mistakes in my life, and most of the time I am fully aware of them (so there's no hiding my either blatant disregard for good, or my horrible feelings about my actions). Having that nagging voice letting me know how dispicable I am...it makes things difficult. Guilt, sorrow, shame - they all tend to hang around a lot longer than they should when you let yourself become the person who tears you down.

But the criticism can be good. It allows you to remain accountable to yourself. You are able to judge your actions and understand not only their quality, but the consequences they bear. Sorrow and guilt are not bad things when they are managed and used correctly - they help to shape and guide decisions and actions in the correct direction. Testing everything by a specific criteria can help each person remain personally responsible for their own undertakings.

To understand this as a whole, however - we must understand it (at least from my own personal perspective) in relation to my faith. I am a Christian. I believe not only in Jesus (meaning He did exist) but I also believe what He said (meaning I believe He was the Son of God, I believe that He came to die for sinners that they might be set free to a new, better life). Because of this, there is a certain "blueprint" for my life. Namely, I am to do everything to strive to be made into the image of Christ Himself. If/when I look/act/think/am like Jesus - the journey is complete.

And so everyone knows now, it is a LONG journey that I am FAR from perfecting.

So how does this relate to the idea of personal criticism? In this life, because of my faith and beliefs, I am able to fully utilize the criticism to keep me accountable to the choice(s) I have made (the choice of the life I want to live and how to accomplish that perfectly). Better still, I am free from the condemnation and general displeasure that comes from personal condemnation from overexaggeration with the negative side of criticism. I do NOT have to listen to the voice that calls me evil and continuously slams my foibles. What I can do is understand that I am a precious work in progress (and indeed we all are who are in Christ). The limitless patience, love, and power of God is on my side - as hopeless as sometimes it may look.

So we must rejoice in our weaknesses and failures because they keep us humble, they keep us in an understanding of the sweetness of grace and love, and they can keep us on the right track to our desired destination. They are a means to an end. What could be a weapon has made us (and can make us) more than conquerors.

To all who believe - use these things to your advantage.

Why America Is Great.

I don't tend to the realm of politics much, for many reasons: it is a very controversial topic; I'm not very excited about what is going on right now domestically or internationally- and I would rather praise than resort to negativity; I'm not well-read and up-to-date enough to be of any assistance or vital importance; and - probably most importantly - there are others who "do politics" much better than I.

I write today because I feel very blessed to be part of this nation. And that blessing, at least recently, has been shown to me in the vast amount of freedom we have. I won't resort to arguments about the current state of "freedom" in America - those who know me personally can ask if they are interested in my opinion. But, I know that at least one freedom remains intact - and that is the freedom to
express, with biting criticism and sarcasm, the leader(s) of this country.

Many have seen the speech given by Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Correspondents Association dinner (click here if you have not). It went viral some time back and received massive amounts of attention, both positive and negative.

But I think we might have missed the point. In what other country in the world can someone say the things Stephen did, in the presence of the power he is speaking against, with a result such as this? Stephen is still on television (his show has not been cancelled, or censored, or boycotted - at least not a detrimental amount). Other people are now speaking out as well. This entire situation (and the others like it) create a massive stage where voices and opinions can be heard.

So I am celebrating the fact that I can write whatever I want to. And I am thankful that I can do that without fear. So, if you are an American - take advantage of this beautiful right and make your opinion known. Do it respectfully and with preparation (even Stephen did not simply get on stage and rant).

More On This Later.

Hold me to it. It's gonna be a good one.

To Do List.

It is not always a good idea for me to set goals, because I either fail or end up not accomplishing anything I set out to do. However, on my ride home this evening I decided to make a list of some things I was thinking about - some things that would do me good:

Slow Down - While I don't strictly speak about my driving habits, it's a nice illustration to use. How often have I been in a hurry to get somewhere? Or, how often have I been frustrated at someone else because they seemed to be impatient? As much as I speak about the comforts and beauty of a slow-paced life, my actions don't support that claim. I can be in for excitement, and I can understand the urgency of certain situations - but I think it is time to slow down.

Lose The Agenda - This can move directly from the above. I love a packed calendar. It makes me feel important when I open mine up and see everyday scheduled with something. Everything from meetings to friend and family time has its own little place, hour-by-hour, on my pretty little calendar. It is time to free my schedule and live life, if only for a short while, without rushing from moment to moment - without anticipating, expecting, or planning every little detail. It could be worse, but I have room for it to be much better.

Love, Unconditionally - This is such an amazingly freeing concept that I find myself shocked it took so long to see. When I speak of my church and what first drew me in - it was the love and acceptance I found there. When I think of Jesus - all the good and the bad moments I see - the thing that pulls me back every time is His love. I have been hearing the word "Love" for so long now that it has both lost its meaning and been completely refreshing for me at the same time. I understand the Biblical basis for Christian direction - the discernment of damaging behavior in people's lives, the call to something better. I'm starting with love. I'm jumping on that bandwagon and I am building on that foundation. I don't know when I'll be done there. I'm not rushing the construction.

Love Others As Myself (The Two-Fold Plan) - This is a biggie. I am my own worst critic. But how do I direct that to others? If I saw a friend or a family member in need - would I help them? If they were struggling with something - would I condemn them or would I love and encourage them? I need to do this same thing for myself. I have to realize the value that God has placed on me - I need to see myself and my worth in His love towards me - and then I need to send that out in every direction. If I feed myself, clothe myself, nurture myself - my neighbor deserves that just as much. If I listen to my neighbor, comfort them, support them, encourage them - I need to love myself in that same way. A selfless service to others, reciprocated in my selfless love of myself.

And there's so much more. They'll come to me, and some of them might go. But I see them - and I take pleasure and hope in that. I can have goals. I can make movements knowing God is leading me. Does what I feel and what I know line up with my understanding of God? As I get to know Him more these things will present themselves and they will all fall in line.

And So It Ends?

Some of you will remember my various posts about Invisible Children, the war in Uganda, and efforts to stop the violence. Checking Relevant this morning, I came across an article about the LRA and a ceasefire that has been issued, effective immediately. This is the first word I have heard - so I am not totally versed on the ramifications...but this seems to be good news. Anyone out there have a better grasp on this?

LRA Leaders Declare Ceasefire

Magnetic.

"You're magnetic
I can't help it...I'm stuck on you
There's something magic in the way that you love me
I'm stuck on you." (Sanctus Real - Magnetic)

If I'm honest, and I imagine I am, my faith is incredibly fragile. Part of that comes from the fact that I am relatively new to it (only a couple years). Another part comes from the fact that I have an intellectual bend and natural curiosity - which can get someone into trouble fast when it comes to matters of faith.

This I noticed tonight as I drove home listening to the song above - thinking about the amazing day I had and the powerful message delivered at church this evening (all lending to a very satisfied spiritual attitude), yet still feeling the pangs of doubt, fear, and other such things I would rather be rid of.

Amidst this - I found truth in the words above. The love of God, the love I have experienced and found in Jesus - this amazing person described in the Bible...it defies my logic, my understanding. Every time I am confronted with this love it pierces into me and destroys my hardness of heart, my intellectual walls, my doubt, my everything. Yet, it does not leave me weak or killed.

I have never experienced anything like this before. With friends, with family - our strongest bonds are never like this. Our returns from fights or time apart - it never feels like this. The greatest moments in my life, apart from God, never have the satisfaction - the fullness - that I feel in the presence of this love.

And so I grab hold of it - wrestling my own internal dialogue and efforts to destroy something beautiful - and I hope against everything that I will not lose sight of something as precious as this. Every day is a battle, every thought can be a struggle - but there is peace and rest to be found.

I never knew what I was in for - the worst of the worst, the best of the best.

Responsibility.

While I understand that no church is perfect, and while I do have a lot of faith in the leadership and direction of my current church, I read an article tonight that questions not only our own presuppositions about money, consumerism, and other facets of our society - but the moral, personal, and professional responsibility of the people who minister to us and have very public opinions that can not only represent an entire populous, but also dramatically affect the ideas and actions of that group. Below is an excerpt, but I would recommend reading the entire article.

This, then, is the sad state of my mind as I listen to the Sunday sermon. To those who would say that the pulpit is no place to pierce the myths and enlighten the masses to the more unfortunate truths about our nation, I would say “if not there, where?” If not our moral leaders, then whom? Pastors have a great influence over the thought processes of their congregation. Many pastors are fond of the saying, “The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it!” I’m afraid that many in the congregation believe a variant of this that goes, “My pastor said it, he believes it, so that settles it.” When pastors promote the flag, the sheep salute. When they offer no comment on war, or the ecological condition of the planet, this is a tacit endorsement of the status quo. And when they give sermons about our obligation to give, rather than receive, and never tie in the systemic contradictions of our economic system to this obligation, then they are, in my humble opinion, abrogating their responsibility as moral leaders. (from Burnside Writer's Collective, Sunday Morning Quarterbacking)

So...

...I am about to finish Blue Like Jazz and it's kind of freaking me out. As I am sitting there reading, nearing the end of the current chapter, I flip to the next page and see the title I know marks the last chapter. And while I understand I will probably read this book again (after all, something must be said about all the half-sheets, quarter-sheets, and something-sheets of paper tucked various places within the book) I still feel a sense of loss looming on the horizon.

This is how I am with every adventure in my life.

I love movies, and I am coming to love books like I once did in my youth. They are amazing things that allow me to leave behind the current world I occupy - if even for a small moment - and become part of something a bit bigger. Maybe even a bit more exciting. They are absolute treasures that free me from the sometimes-monotonous ticking of the clock and passing of the days that is my life.

(Now, don't get me wrong - I love my life and everything in it...)

Things just seem different when I am in these atmospheres. Sometimes I completely lose grip and am totally immersed in the experience - catching wind of actual reality when I can sense the approaching ending.

So, now, I head into chapter 20 of Blue Like Jazz - embarking on two separate journies. One will be the experience of book-reading and the enjoyment I will pull from the pages. The second will be my life and the next steps beyond the pages.

Here's to adventure.

Well...

EDIT: It seems MySpace is just having some database problems (why am I not shocked?). I'm a little bit bummed now that I might get my account back. Hmm...maybe that says something about the situation? Anyway...there you go. Nevermind the reaction below.


...either MySpace is going to be fixing a lot of things here pretty soon, or I am no longer a member there. And, this time, it wasn't even my own intention to stop going. I went to log in this morning and it let me know that I had an invalid userID - because my account had been cancelled or deleted. Funny...I don't particularly remember doing that.

I then tried going directly to my profile online - to be greeted with the red-lettering-of-death letting me know the same status for my little web profile.

But it seems this little mishap is a lot bigger than just me. You won't be able to find my friend Joe online anymore either. Nor will you be able to find my friend Marcus' girlfriend. I'm sure the list goes on and on.

Honestly...if this isn't fixed, I think I'll be OK with that. My only problem is the amount of people on there that I use MySpace to keep in touch with, because we don't really have any other way to communicate (and, no, the phone, e-mail, etc. are not an option - surprisingly).

So - if for some reason I never go get back on MySpace - but you're able to get here from memory or some other weird circumstance - send me an e-mail and we'll try to keep in touch. Thanks.

A New Post? Can This Be True?

I'm amazed by the fact that people continue to swing by here. While the simple tracking unit I use cannot be trusted wholly for accurate facts about who comes, why they come, and how long they stay (it seems, on average, to be about ten seconds) - I do trust it in that it says people are coming...and that makes me feel all warm inside...so these facts are my friend.

I've got a new post for you all, coming directly off a napkin to the e-world. I am thinking the future of this blog will be more lengthy articles, "essays" as some call them. I hardly ever tend to have thoughts that do not range to expansive lengths...so you all will have to cope (and thank you in advance).

Keep coming back. I love you all.

The air at 40 miles-per-hour is tangible. I stick my arm out the window and feel the cool air brush and blow by. My palm feels like it is floating and swimming through the transparent yet milky atmosphere. I want to grab this air and take it home with me. Best of all, it does not leave my hand with that horribly annoying numb-tingly feeling I so often get when I try to make my car fly with just my arms. The bugs still sting, though.

These are the thoughts I have so often when I am alone; when there is no place to scribble them down. They disappear in the same air my arms ride along and are gone forever. But it's not so bad - because, often these thoughts are just between God and I. They're our little moments...our conversations. This one gets shared, though. This one makes me happy and I remembered it. And I just happened to have a napkin in my car to write it all down.

Tonight was a good night. I got to spend some time reading about exceptionally happy thoughts and subjects. I drank some coffee. I saw a friend and gave him a letter expressing my sincere appreciation for his love towards me. And now I'm here, writing, something that makes me happy. It's been a good night.

Until June.

From "What I've Done":

And i'm alone,
And i'm ashamed,
Hold me in Your arms,
And now i'm sorry what i've done.


.The love of God amazes me.

The Word Speaks Better Than I.

In that day you will say:

"I will praise you, O LORD. Although you were angry with me,your anger has turned away and you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

In that day you will say:

"Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world.

Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you."

(Isaiah 12)

11 New Photos.

That's right...check 'em out!

Met a friend for some coffee in Lexington and she had her camera with her - so on our walk around town I decided to take some shots. It was a bit frustrating (you don't get to see all the blurry photos)...but I think some came out pretty good. I had been wanting to hit up the fountains in town for ages - so it was a nice opportunity. Let me know what you think.

So You Know.

It seems like my most frequent and widely used topic on this blog is the general update post. I apologize that I'm not "bringin' the content" like a blogmaster, but things in the real world have been rather pressing, and generally more important, than the virtual world I often inhabit.

One of my closest friends got married last weekend in a ceremony I can only conclude as being the most wonderful I've ever been a part of. There are, in fact, parts of it that I am going to graciously rob for my own ceremony - when and if the Lord draws me close to my earthly bride.

This week was a bit something. My grandfather took a turn for the worse (he had been fighting Parkinson's disease for as long as I think I've been alive). He ended that fight yesterday morning. My mother had been there since Monday - and came home last night to give me a birthday blessing and a song with my cake. She was also able to rest a bit before her and my dad left this afternoon. I leave Sunday morning for visitation that afternoon; the funeral takes place Monday.

(For those concerned, the family has great peace about the situation - a true blessing from God).

My thanks to everyone who continues to come here...I will try to put aside some time for more content - something that is really on my heart, but a bit far from action. To those I know personally, I'll see you soon and we can have some good talks over coffee or something. To everyone else - thanks for tuning in. Until next time, I imagine.

I Don't Know You.

But I wish I did. It would be amazing for us to spend more time together. To get to know each other more intimately. To create, nurture, and grow an amazing friendship. To experience life together. To be part of each other's joy. To share the burdens of this life as one.

Unfortunately, most of you out there are complete strangers to me. I know you because you stumble across this blog, for a second or maybe longer. We don't get a chance to talk - to communicate to each other apart from the one-sided story you read about on this page. And it's such a horrible story, I promise you. I am not all that interesting, and the words I speak rarely (if ever) amount to anything extraordinary. But, in real life - we would have nothing to hide. You'd see me for who I am, heights and depths. We could be real - we could take that time to be real.

What's worse...there's a lot of people who read this that I actually do know. We've been friends for quite some time. We have experienced moments in life together. I work with some of you on a daily basis. Where are the walls between us coming from? I apologize for the construction on my end - but I think it's time to tear them down. I want to spend every second we might have together doing just what we were created for - loving God and loving each other. Let us spend more time talking, building one another up in love. Let us set aside whatever it is that hinders us and take a journey. A long one. A short one. Any one.

There is a God of this universe, of all things, and His love for us blows my mind. If it were possible, to understand, I think it could possibly vaporize me. Poof. Thin air. Gone.

Let's get together sometime and marvel at God. Let's be truthful and honest about our hearts. Let's be gentle and nurturing with our responses. It's time to be transparent and vulnerable. What are we so scared of?

I am amazed by how much Jesus loves me. I am amazed by how much I am able to love Him back. He loves you with the same ferociousness. Oh, how I wish you knew and could see that. I wish we could all run with that promise wrapped around us.

I'll talk to you soon. Come say "Hello" to me. E-mail me. Comment. I'm going to fail you - because I am imperfect. But I am 100% ready to try not to.

In Lieu Of More Writing:

Since I missed last night's update, and also the day before that, I think I might just go ahead and do my Ichthus awards instead of a long, drawn out analysis of every hour of each day. So, without further ado:

The 2006 Ichthus Festival Awards:

Best Performance: (Tie) - Staple/Kids in the Way. Although my friend Joe would ultimately put Staple at the top, the KITW set was grand - with new songs and a lot of energy and emotion. Staple did a magnificent job, as always...and since it is probably the last time I will ever see them live (due to their disbanding) it also gains more points (not that it needed them).

Best Breakout Band (i.e. Best New Band I'm Listening to Now): The Myriad. These guys were pretty awesome. The entire set was great. The CD is great. I am thoroughly looking forward to seeing them again.

Honorable Mention (to above): Cool Hand Luke. I already owned their CD, so it counts a bit less than above - but it was awesome to see these guys. Totally not what I was expecting (in a really, really good way).

Happiest Moment: Jumping up and down (and all around) during Delirious' rendition of Holy Is the Lord.

Most Painful: Walking miles into the festival each day because I didn't want to fight traffic (and had fooled myself into believing it wouldn't be that bad of a journey).

Deepest Moment: Seventh Day Slumber. I had heard a lot about the band, and a lot about their heart for ministry, altar calls, and just overall nature. More affecting than the main keynote message I heard (on living a life filled/ruled by the Spirit - which was also amazing). I feel like God really uses (and I pray used, for Ichthus) that band.

Since I can't really think of any more categories I'll just finish this up now. The whole weekend was great. A lot of amazing bands, and even greater chance encounters with God (it was funny to meet Him there, knowing my heart/mindset going into the festival).

Oh, and working today (in exchange for my weekend wristlock) was an amazing and super-fun experience. I'm thinking about doing it again next year, and I can only hope it will be as nice a time as it was today.

Thursday, Ichthus: Day One.

(Note: There are probably numerous errors - grammatical or otherwise. I'm really tired, and sorry. Try your best to make it through. Thanks for reading).

3 PM - Family Force Five: They actually weren't that bad. I had heard they had a really impressive stage show, which is the main reason why I wanted to hit the 'thus earlier to see them. They were about what I expected - a little weird but nothing amazing. It was a good band to cut my teeth for 2006 on.

4 - 5 PM: Nothing too much exciting. Caught a couple tracks from a couple bands (Day of Fire, Last Tuesday) and walked around the grounds a bit. Checked out the merch tent, the youth leader tent, etc.


5 PM - Staple: Probably the best and most enjoyable show of the entire day/night. It was the first time I had caught an entire act by them, and since they are breaking up this summer, the last time I will see them (how appropriate). My friend Joe loves the band, so it was nice he got to check them out one last time. Plus, Darin (the lead singer) pushed the mic in both Joe and my faces during one of the songs - so we have both officially sung Staple songs with them, and performed at Ichthus. Awesome.

6 PM - 8 PMish: Main stage stuff. David Crowder went on (and since I have seen him numerous times, I was not terribly impressed or excited. He's great, but I was really tired and hot at this point (not burnt, thank God for sunscreen). The keynote address was AWESOME. I was amazed that I could come to the festival purely for the music (as I did last year) - but God could use my lack of energy, down time, and quietness to speak to me and convict me of some major things in my life. It was great to hear about being slave even with the freedom of Christ offered and working in your life. The big things I took away from the message was to: 1) focus more on my identity in Christ and measure all of my wants and actions based around that character; 2) do the things, focus on the things, be the things that please GOD; and 3) fill myself, and yearn to be filled, with things of the Spirit. After a long time of following my own path and being horribly selfish, plus a day filled with a fair amount of pride, selfishness, and sin (yes, even at Ichthus)...it was nice to hear the voice of God.

8 PM - Jeremy Camp: Although I did not stay for his whole show, it was nice to finally get to see him live. It also actually turned out to be a very nice time to praise God and just experience him again, in music - right after a great keynote.

9PMish - Kids in the Way: This marked the end of my evening and was another amazing performance. This was the first time I had seen them live and I had been waiting about a year for it. They put on a short, but great, set. Yet another band I was happy to see very bold about their faith.

And that's about it. I'll try to be back tomorrow evening to talk about Friday. It's going to be a much longer day for me (about 10 AM - Midnight) so it might not happen. But, I at least wanted to post something...and I figured a summary of the Ichthus days would work well.

HEY - if anyone that reads this is going to be there tomorrow (and happened to have access to the internet this evening I guess) call my cell phone and we'll meet up somewhere! See you then.

How To Save A Life.

(Or, How Taking Crappy Pictures of Railroad Signs Can Lead to Someone's Ultimate Salvation).

This is how I see it:

I take my camera and I head out for the day. I take a few hundred pictures. Maybe one or two of them look decent at all. I open Photoshop - edit them, crop them, whatever. I upload them to Flickr. A bunch of people come by and check them out. Some leave comments, others add me to their contacts list. Three things can happen from here...

One - that person comes across this blog. They read up a bit. For some strange reason they become intrigued. They continue reading. Eventually I get around to talking about Jesus and how absolutely amazing He is. That sets off a spark that eventually just burns in that person until they can't help it - the love of Christ just wears them down and builds them back better than ever.

Two - that person gets in touch with me somehow. MySpace. Email. Real life. No idea. We start talking. We continue to talk for a while because God knows I can go on forever. Eventually I get around to talking about Jesus and how absolutely amazing He is. A spark. A fire. A newfound passion erupts in this person.

Three - that person could care less about my pictures. They don't even hit MySpace. This blog has no visitors ever again. I stop writing. But I keep taking pictures. Eventually, I print them out. I frame them. I barter a deal with some guy who owns a coffee shop and he hangs them on the wall. Someone sees them. They get in contact with me (because they like them...I promise). We start talking. They're interested in a story (people like stories). Eventually I get around to talking about Jesus and how absolutely amazing He is. Something starts and it doesn't stop.

All three of these scenarios have little to do with me. Or my pictures. Or my very existence. They'd happen without me, they happen everyday despite me. Thank God, every now and then - I get a chance to be a part of it.

(And, just in case it is unclear - this invitation is open to all. You can share your faith with anyone, at anytime, anywhere, for any reason. You don't have to have a certain occupation. The bounds of expressing joy in Christ and awe of His beauty are without.)

A Cross, Not A Plaque.

First off, this post should not be construed to be an argument for or against legalism. It has nothing to do with that at all (as far as I know).

On my way home this evening I was listening to the album Fight the Tide by Sanctus Real - and in one of their songs the lead singer makes a point about the ten commandments. Since this is an older song, I imagine he was speaking about the controversy of having the commandments displayed in buildings (this debate was all the rage a while back).

Being a man of deep thought - I started to think about the act of displaying the commandments. And then, in all fairness, I started to think about other peoples/religions/beliefs hanging their own set of rules, or whatever, in the buildings as well. It started to get a bit ridiculous in my head (pettiness, arguments, biterness, etc.) so I tried to make it a bit simpler.

As a Christian, I obviously have a message to get across to people. I have some sort of agenda. Some goal. What is the absolute best way, on a public stage, to express the most important aspect of my faith and beliefs?

How about instead of a plaque with writing that most people won't understand we shake things up and mount a cross on the wall?

Bear with me.

What does the Law represent to the world? Rules...regulations...guilt...10 bothersome exercises. How about us (Christians)? Impossible standards...failure...guilt...10 bothersome exercises.

The world does not need an outline. A guideline. Another set of do's and dont's (no matter how important, valid, and powerful they may be). The world needs a savior.

We talk about putting our best foot forward. Being lights to the world. Witnessing about the glory of Christ. Showing people the way home.

Why don't we exalt the cross?

It's Been A While.

Apologies for the lack of updates (for those still actually coming by here regularly) - I've been a bit busy with life lately. Work has been absolutely amazing - I love my job...I just wish I was able to do more around here to be a better worker. Hopefully, with time, as things become more familiar I'll be worthy of the call. It tends to work a bit differently in IT...the measure of success...but I'm working towards it - trying to stay busy, trying to learn, and most importantly, trying to serve every chance I get.

Outside of work, life has also been grand. Life groups in high school ministry are over for the summer, so I have a bit of a break there (not that my guys are horrible, but it is nice). The past couple of weeks I have been "taking off" from the normal extracurricular activities at church (other than main worship/service on the weekends). It has been nice to get home a bit earlier and to be around the family - and also to get home to clean up around my room, etc.

As anyone who's been here recently can tell, I've been taking a lot more pictures. I borrowed my dad's DSLR and have been absolutely loving it. Plus, God has just given us such amazing days here recently for the summer - so it's been great to get outside and enjoy it.

Plans for the summer? I don't necessarily get a break anymore - but I have two weddings (friends') coming up, Icththus, a July 4th trip to Cincinnati (hopefully) and a few other things I am sure to keep busy with. I'm hoping to get a new bike so I can start to do some riding, and I have really been enjoying the time I get outside to go for walks. There's a couple bands coming close that I really want to see - so hopefully a show or two will be in store. Other than that, work, relax, spend time with family and friends - the usual.

I would love to promise future updates on a regular basis (life related, and my normal thoughts that I tend to ramble about on here) - but I cannot guarantee anything (I'll try, but no guarantees). As always - if you know me, or even if you don't - you can always e-mail me.

Until next time.

New Shots.

EDIT: 20 new shots! Go to my Flickr and check them out now! There are 18 on the first page, the final two on page 2. Thank you SO much for your comments - there have been many kind words sent my way. I love taking the pictures myself - but your love/like of them makes it all the better. Thanks again!

Hello all. Apologies for the lack of updates - I've been a bit busy these past couple of days.

Anyway - there are new pictures up over at my Flickr photo page. I would greatly appreciate any and all of you heading over there to check them out. The first ten, on the main page, are the recent additions. Please leave comments if you have good advice, and definitely leave comments if you like something.

Also - you might want to bookmark the page...I'm playing around with a new camera and, if possible, will be trying to put new pictures up in a more timely fashion.

Thanks!

What Happened To Selflessness?

I just wanted to take a quick moment to apologize to you all for my seeming lack of caring lately. I've been amazingly selfish here recently, and in the past - and while I cannot say for certain when it might end - I can promise that God is shining a light on it, showing me the damaging results of it, and working on it for the good. So all of you, in this cyber-land - my deepest apologies. Hopefully I'll also have a chance to send my apologies to the people a bit closer than the Internet. My gratitude for your almost limitless patience.

Thank You For Disappointment.

I know, it sounds ridiculous. Disappointment, being let down, not particularly getting what you want - they are all bad things. They are frustrating, disheartening.

Liberating.

You see - we often have things in our lives that we want. Things we set our eyes, our minds, our hearts, and our appetites for. They become our passion. They become our prayer.

Many times, these things are not honoring to God. Sometimes, in their best form, they merely cut short of what they should be - they are a shadow of the greatness demanded...our nature, or our pursuit, has left it something it should not be (even if it was good, or not necessarily bad, to begin with).

I think disappointment serves a noble purpose in these situations. We are running as fast as we can to reach that goal, we are fighting hard to win the prize - and it becomes a blinder to our eyes without us even knowing. Were it not for the loss, temporary or perpetual, we might have never been restored to a more faithful, firmer, understanding position.

So, thank God for the disappointments in this life - and the absolute grace to realize them for what they are - purposeful redirections towards an ultimately greater treasure.

To Be Like God.

God is the most joyous being in the entire universe.

We are (I am) lonely, depressed, saddened, self-pitying.

This tears at my insides. Our sadness is so infecting, so manipulating. It consumes us, will not let us go, penetrates to the very depths of the soul. Our moods can change on a whim, our emotions can be confused, our thoughts can be taken captive. We are restless. We are without peace.

Why? What has gone horribly wrong with us? (And I am not seeking a cliché answer).

It's such a horrible conflict. We see the glory of God in the face of Christ - and we have hope, we have joy, we have a Spirit of grace and love.

But we are still broken. Still confused. Still seeking with such persistence and power those things that battle against us, that wage war against God - that pull us deeper into a murky abyss that is not without strength to hold us down.

I know so many cries go to our God. He is beyond time, but I know that time is filled with the aching of our hearts - directly to His ears. His compassion floods over us, and it lasts for a time but then we are back again...wallowing, paralyzed, affected.

Lord have mercy on us in our dark days, in our dark nights. Help us to see the absolute temporary nature of our current state. Help us to again witness the glorious light of your presence in our lives. Leverage your strength and your power for our benefit - because you care for us, because you love us. Lead us away from these things...lead us closer to you. Never let us go, never let us go.