Shahabalah!

me{dot}com

2008-02-06T17:20:00.001-05:00

This blog can now be found by going to:

trevordurbin.com

By the time you read this, all older posts should be there. RSS should also be up-and-running. Please update your bookmarks and feed subscriptions.

See you over there!

Ashes.

2008-02-06T09:39:00.000-05:00

Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.

+++

Today is Ash Wednesday and marks the beginning of Lent -- a season dedicated to fasting and prayer leading up to Easter.

There are many Christian traditions and practices that accompany this time -- some being shared throughout the branches and denominations, some specific to their respective doers. The most common is fasting -- whether that be abstaining from food (on a certain day, or for the whole period of Lent), or giving up some other thing (a luxury or vice).

Whatever one may choose to practice, the focus should remain on the inner being. Acts of fasting and prayer should not be done purely for aesthetics or ritual, but to bring to one's understanding a dependency we all have of God for His provision. As Jesus was tested for forty-days in the wilderness, so we conform ourselves to that trial and suffering to look, be, and live like Him in this world.

+++

Just as Advent can be a somber time (a yearning and waiting for the coming of the Messiah) -- so too the season of Lent, which moves us towards the Cross, and thus sin, suffering, judgment, wrath, forsakenness, and finally death.

Yet, as we humble ourselves and move into this time of darkness, a light shines through. We walk the Calvary road so that we might witness the Sunday Resurrection.

Horizontal_ or Vertical| ?

2008-02-05T10:52:00.000-05:00

Should Catholics hold hands at Mass?

+++

For those not familiar with the traditions and rituals inherent to the assembling of those of the Catholic faith, this article talks about some "freshness" sneaking in.

My favorite part of the article, that sparked some thoughts forthcoming, is:

[Parishioners] talk about whether the Mass should be a vertical or horizontal experience...horizontal, making the Mass increasingly about community and fellowship within the congregation...vertical [focusing] on the transcendent and divine.

To which I cannot help but say:

Both

+++

It seems to me, from what I understand of Scripture, that the fellowship of the saints was meant to incorporate both of these elements -- community and worship. While both can happen separately (privately), there is a corporate need for them as well.

What made a smile come across my face is the fact that, like it or not, it seems that the Church is becoming "one" again. There is a viral effect, it seems, with people being transplanted across the barriers once so strong.

Some Protestants are being moved towards Catholicism and are bringing with them the aspects of individuality/personality and community (not that this was previously lacking, of course). In the same vein, former Catholics are embracing Protestantism and incorporating the liturgical elements of worship.

I think it's wonderful. It's almost as if God is engaging in a little clever subterfuge.

Here's to unity!

Together.

2008-02-04T10:34:00.001-05:00

+++

5 months ago this photo probably wouldn't have been as endearing to me. Life experiences, however, have changed me from a lonely, depressed, pessimistic loner to a man seeking after relationship, love, community, joy, and hope. For that, I thank God.

Being now on the other side of the fence (and thus, having been a part of both worlds), as well as -- for the moment -- experiencing a sort of "separation anxiety" from the one I care about, has given me quite the perspective.

I can now see why "happy" people are so elated.

In turn, I've tasted something good and can understand what "sad" people are missing (what I was longing for).

It draws a certain empathy from my heart. Gives me a yearning for others to experience this connection and the exuberance that results. I long for others to be whole.

I have realized that reconciliation comes through community. It is not always with a significant other, but it is never alone. There is a time for solitude -- but the breadth of life was meant to be experienced in tangent.

It has taken me twenty-three years (three of those, most specifically) to find my place in a community of people who love and value me. To build relationships that, in turn, build into me. Granted, it's not perfect -- and I personally cause my fair share of problems. But it's good...and for that I am thankful.

To those who might read this blog -- I urge you to connect. If you currently find yourself alone -- living life without some sort of camaraderie -- fight against that. Resist the urge to go deeper into yourself -- I've been there, and the results are disastrous.

Take small steps towards finding kinship. Whatever that looks like, move towards it. Don't force it. Be patient and try to enjoy it as it comes.

I can remember crying out to God three years ago for three specific points of relationship in my life. I am just now getting to the place where each of those three are truly building into something.

Of course, I am not guaranteed tomorrow (none of us are) -- but that will not stop me from enjoying the fruit of the day.

+++

{Photo via *Longbrake}
{If you enjoy his images, buy 'em!}

Unity?

2008-02-03T10:29:00.000-05:00

Your sins are forgiven on account of Christ. If you believe, then you will be saved.

{John Halton, BHT}

+++

Is this something that we, regardless of denominational background or current disposition can come around? Can we unite as saints of the Faith and children of the Father under this declaration?

Can this be our word to the world?

Worthy.

2008-02-01T15:31:00.000-05:00

Love is everything that it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

{Erica Jong}
{Found via *Longbrake}

+++

What/Who do you love?

WHY?

Lenten Resources.

2008-02-01T11:32:00.000-05:00

For those who are interested in participating in Lent this season, the following resources might be beneficial. May the Lord bless you on your journey!

+++

: A Slate article talks about the Protestant/Catholic division and "re-unification." A good read for those who are not necessarily well-versed on basic tradition and the separation that exists in regards to Lent.

: All About Lent is a nice introduction to the various particulars of Lent, with a plethora of resources.

: Praying Lent has a wealth of liturgical items for the six-week trek.

{All links found via Internet Monk}

Radiohead - In Rainbows.

2008-01-31T22:21:00.000-05:00

+++

The band performs their entire new album. Simply spectacular.

{Note: Due to the length/file-size, it may take a while to load if you are not on a broadband connection}

Your Thoughts?

2008-01-31T22:15:00.000-05:00

Erica Jong's quotes will be featured as part of two posts on this blog. I happened across one and enjoyed it, and found this second one later (after searching out who she was).

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

+++

Do you agree with her conclusion?

Lighter.

2008-01-31T12:46:00.001-05:00

I have been reading a lot of Cerulean Sanctum lately. It has become one of my favorite blogs because it challenges me and, while there have been times where that call to action has seemed difficult and frustrating, it has been a good experience to this point.

Today I came across this article and it got me thinking. I have been a proponent for the ascetic lifestyle, but often times my actions do not prove my convictions.

+++

What does it look like to live lighter?

Is it the same for all people, all situations?

+++

I feel the desire, and see the benefits, of living on less. The opening up of doors for charity. The ability to move quickly and easily if the Lord so desires. The freedom from worrying about and taking care of stuff.

In my own life, I need to discern how much is too much.

Maybe, more accurately, I need to figure out how much is enough.

+++

Is there anything, material or otherwise, that you can/should part with in your life?

Andrew Bird - Imitosis.

2008-01-31T12:08:00.001-05:00

I'll be seeing this gentleman, along with Grizzly Bear, in April at the MusicNOW festival. Totally psyched.

Six Words, A Great Story Makes.

2008-01-31T02:45:00.000-05:00

I read this article a while back, but I was recently reminded of it and thought it might be a fun "challenge" for anyone who happens across this post.

Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work.

My request to you, dear reader -- is to post in the comments your six-word story.

Feel free to post as many as you want. (Note: I will edit/delete any inappropriate material).

I'll start us off:

His heart pounded quickly, then stopped.

Expelled.

2008-01-30T14:24:00.000-05:00

This looks like it might be interesting. I saw a rather nebulous trailer on YouTube and followed the link to see a much more revealing, and interesting, video on the main site. I might check it out if it opens anywhere locally.

+++

I've been wanting to check out more documentaries/indie films as of late. Not that mainstream-Hollywood is incapable of satisfying my movie tastes...but, I've found a lot of truth, beauty, and enjoyment at the "art house" theatre we have in town.

Are there any low-budget, indie, or non-mainstream movies you're interested in seeing?

Example.

2008-01-29T16:32:00.000-05:00

It is a common compliment to contemporary pastors that they are “just a regular person”. With all due respect, shouldn’t we admit what is really being endorsed? We do not want leaders who live the Christian life so seriously that they make us uncomfortable with their example, and challenge our lifestyles with their own.

{From Internet Monk}

+++

While I don't always agree with the assertion that we must always take radical/extreme steps in our Christian faith for our, or others', benefit -- I can agree that there exists few men and women who lead by example.

If Godly people are not stepping up to use their influence for good, what hope is there for future discipleship? Worse yet, if no such people even exist (in great numbers) one must wonder the state of the Church (in America, specifically).

Do you have anyone of influence over you -- who challenges you with their words and deeds?

Change It Up.

2008-01-29T13:55:00.000-05:00

After the laugh from the last post, a quick punch-in-my-gut followed:

The matter is quite simple. The Bible is very easy to understand. But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it because we know very well that the minute we understand we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world? Herein lies the real place of Christian scholarship. Christian scholarship is the Church’s prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible, to ensure that we can continue to be good Christians without the Bible coming too close. Oh, priceless scholarship, what would we do without you? Dreadful it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Yes, it is even dreadful to be alone with the New Testament.

{Soren Kierkegaard}

{Found via Cerulean Sanctum/The Thinklings}

Evangelism Linebacker.

2008-01-29T12:57:00.001-05:00

I know it's a rip-off, but it's quite possibly one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. (And great production value, too!)

Thanks to BHT for the link.

Trees.

2008-01-29T11:46:00.000-05:00

{Found via Chris Glass}

An honest review of trees -- pointing out their pros and cons.

I am, personally, for them.

Brian's Challenge.

2008-01-29T10:16:00.000-05:00

Found a good article (via BHT) interviewing Brian McLaren on a plethora of topics. His answers are respectful, thought-out, and many times true and inspiring. I think, with such recent "controversies" involving the emerging church that it is important to speak with, and hear from, such people directly.

When talking about homosexuality, he said:

So what I'm advocating is for us, first, to acknowledge that good Christians disagree.

And I think this quote is expressive of any topic of discourse between Christians or non-believers. We have to realize that there are so many differing views and that they are often held by wise, mature, loving people committed to Jesus and His vision for the world.

In all of the recent arguments I've seen raised within the Christian community, the lack of personal respect for each other has been saddening.

Brian makes a good point when talking about relations with Muslims (that has wider appeal to all disagreements):

[W]hen we create stereotypes of people and when we are ready to call a person an enemy and have nothing to do with them, at that point we are being unfaithful to Jesus Christ.

Even if Brian McLaren is wrong in his beliefs, even if he is an enemy of Christ, we are admonished by Jesus' very words to show him love --

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. {Matthew 5:44-45}

And how did Jesus show love to His enemies?

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation--if you continue in your faith... {Colossians 1:21-23a, emphasis mine}

Are we willing to love those who are different from us?

What does this love look like?

Monastic Dreams.

2008-01-28T16:20:00.000-05:00

This article takes an honest look at the pros/cons and ups/downs of the New Monastic movement (probably made most famous by Shane Claiborne).

I think it's an important read because I continue to see Christians who are not wholly satisfied with their current experience of faith (in many facets) -- but I think we often have a naive idealism when it comes to breaking the norm.

Our spiritual growth and satisfaction might not come through the current circumstances, but rushing headlong into new adventures isn't necessarily a sure fix.

In all things, we must take steps of faith -- relying upon the Living God who still speaks to us, still guides us, still moves and grows us.

+++

This article also speaks to me personally because I just made a shift in my own living conditions -- becoming part of an apartment community (living in the same building as four other friends) and living with a roommate. Already, in the first few weeks, I have learned numerous lessons.

Potential is certainly there, but this -- like any new experience -- is not an appropriate avenue for everyone.

Make wise choices in where you live, with whom, and how you spend your resources and the benefits will greatly survive the challenges.

+++

Edit: For those living in Lexington and interested in communal-living, check out Communality. I was privileged to spend some time with them about a year-or-so ago and the experience was definitely inspiring and effectual.

Belief.

2008-01-28T15:01:00.000-05:00

Seth Godin has a great post on judgment. His argument is that having perspective of a person's beliefs can help you deal effectively with conflict. He aims to explain a marketing position, but I think it translates just as well to personal relationships.

He says:

If I believed what you believe, I'd probably be acting exactly the same way you are right now.

Our beliefs, at their core, are really just dispositions to seeing something a certain way. If we better understand what other people believe, right or wrong, we have a chance to "put ourselves in their shoes."

Why is this perspective important? Seth goes on to say:

If I can help change what you believe, I bet I can change your actions as well.

We want our relationships to work. So, when conflicts arise -- generally always related to someone's belief about some thing -- our best interest is to alter a belief (in ourself, or the other person).

By putting ourselves in their position, we have a much greater chance of remaining patient, understanding the overall situation, and eventually effectively reaching our desired conclusion.

Calvin on Christ.

2008-01-26T19:59:00.001-05:00

From Boar's Head Tavern:

“When we see that the whole sum of our salvation, and every single part of it, are comprehended in Christ, we must beware of deriving even the minutest portion of it from any other quarter. If we seek salvation, we are taught by the very name of Jesus that he possesses it; if we seek any other gifts of the Spirit, we shall find them in his unction; strength in his government; purity in his conception; indulgence in his nativity, in which he was made like us in all respects, in order that he might learn to sympathize with us: if we seek redemption, we shall find it in his passion; acquittal in his condemnation; remission of the curse in his cross; satisfaction in his sacrifice; purification in his blood; reconciliation in his descent to hell; mortification of the flesh in his sepulcher; newness of life in his resurrection; immortality also in his resurrection; the inheritance of a celestial kingdom in his entrance into heaven; protection, security, and the abundant supply of all blessings, in his kingdom; secure anticipation of judgment in the power of judging committed to him. In fine, since in him all kinds of blessings are treasured up, let us draw a full supply from him, and none from any other quarter. Those who, not satisfied with him alone, entertain various hopes from others, though they may continue to look to him chiefly, deviate from the right path by the simple fact, that some portion of their thought takes a different direction. No distrust of this description can arise when once the abundance of his blessings is properly known.”

{John Calvin, *Institutes*, Bk 2 Ch 16 Paragraph 19}

Madness.

2008-01-25T19:08:00.000-05:00

{Great Lake Swimmers - Various Stages}

I have seen you in various stages of undress.
I have seen you through various states of madness.
I have seen your refractions and I did not recognize you.
I have seen you in various states of madness.

How high your highest of heights...How low are your lows...
How high your highest of heights...How low are your lows...

I am sorry I had nothing left for you.
My mind was willing and my spirit was strong.
My lips were tired and tightened from singing along.
My eyelids are heavy as anchors thrown over.

How high your highest of heights...How low are your lows...
How high your highest of heights...How low are your lows...

I have seen you in the eyes of a hundred thousand other stranger faces.
I have seen you in unlikely and unfamiliar places.
I have seen you be reckless in matters of love.
I have seen by degrees the boiling point come and go.

How high your highest of heights...How low are your lows...
How high your highest of heights...How low are your lows...
What lies at the end of this long and dark and twisted road?
How high your highest of heights...How low are your lows...

I have seen you in various stages of undress.
I have seen you through various states of madness.

---

I see more than one love-relationship I've been in when searching the lyrics of this song. Funny how something so unique as two people coming together can result in experiences shared by many others...sometimes by people you've never met (but that are going through, or have walked, the same path).

As I was listening to this song tonight, I thought about the love of God towards me, towards humanity. And, I wondered --

Is there not a madness in the way God loves us?

This is not to pass judgment. Not to condemn God's love using my own definitions. But -- it seems to me like there is an amazing recklessness there. Highs and lows. Emptiness. Vulnerability. Confusion. Mystery.

And yet, in all of this, shaping a song as a testament to the experience of love. Of this madness, this recklessness, comes a song. Music instead of silence. Creativity. Beauty.

Reciprocity. Reflection.

And so, we see ourselves tangled in the web of love. We cannot escape it -- whether it is our own or another's.

Then, Let Us Find [It]...

2008-01-25T15:09:00.000-05:00

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

{Carl Sagan}

+++

Go, now, and find that something, somewhere. And do well to make sure you've found that right thing. Otherwise, a tumultuous life awaits you.

+++

So, I adjure you by the words of the great thinker C.S. Lewis:

What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step.

Over The Rhine - I Want You To Be My Love.

2008-01-25T11:48:00.001-05:00

A wonderful fan-made video for a beautiful song.

I'll say (hopefully without "ruining" the effect) that the style of this video (especially the final scene) reminded me of Michel Gondry's work (particularly from "The Science of Sleep").

Feist - I Feel It All.

2008-01-25T10:46:00.001-05:00

This young lady has been charming me with her music for about a month now (ever since I picked up her newest album "The Reminder" on iTunes).

The album can take a moment to grow on you -- mostly due to the varying styles of music and vocal work throughout. However, for those who stick with it, a sure treat awaits.

One thing I have noticed, and am starting to understand a bit better with repeat hearings, is the sometimes dark/melancholy songwriting. Even in tracks with upbeat music, the lyrics can be depressed -- speaking to what I imagine are times of hurt in the lyricist's own life.

I can understand why "The Reminder" has been featured on numerous top-10 lists for best album of 2007...it offers more every time you play it.

Remember.

2008-01-24T17:42:00.000-05:00

You can be so interested in great theological and intellectual and philosophical problems that you tend to forget that you are going to die.

{Martyn Lloyd-Jones}

---

Is this forgetfulness good, bad, or both? Why?

Damien Rice - Cannonball.

2008-01-24T16:41:00.001-05:00

The antithetical experiences of life, presented lyrically and musically.

Mystery.

2008-01-24T15:09:00.001-05:00

---

Thanks to Dan for posting this on his blog so that I could watch and be inspired to post it here.

Mystery is a fascinating thing. During this speech, I couldn't help but think about my spirituality and the overwhelming amount of things hidden and unknown. For me, while sometimes frustrating, it is definitely appealing.

What are the mysteries in your life? Do they help you find meaning, beauty, and satisfaction? Or do they hinder the journey?

Quotable Quote.

2008-01-24T10:13:00.000-05:00

I found this little blurb on Joshua Blankenship's blog about a week ago and it has stuck with me ever since then. Constantly coming to my mind; always "relevant" for the conversations/thoughts I've been recently having:

We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

{Albert Einstein}

+++

I spoke with my roommate last night about some frustrations I have with the church (universal, and local) right now. Places and things where we just don't see eye-to-eye.

This "unrest" won't quiet itself. I feel less like a critic now, but I can't shake these perceptions. Feeling torn between a call to encourage and build up, but also feeling the need to speak up.

What is the best way to voice concerns to members of the church? Especially in ministries you are part of?

50 Years, 50 Things.

2008-01-10T11:30:00.000-05:00

Found this nice little list of 50 things this gentleman learned in his 50 years of existence. I think that we (those who are younger) can learn a lot from those who are more advanced than us in years. A lot of wisdom comes from simply living life - and much of what would be beneficial for us to know doesn't necessarily come easily or naturally. For myself, I plan on paying attention to the words of my elders. Not that I necessarily have to agree, or will always understand - but it never hurts to help form perspective.

* As an added bonus - check out this list. Valuable insight from a man who has been following Jesus for 30+ years. I hope to have wise things to share when I am further along in my own journey.

New Year, New List.

2008-01-07T14:13:00.000-05:00

Looking back on 2007, I feel like I grew in a lot of ways (spiritually, mentally, emotionally). 2007 was a good year of life - new experiences, new relationships, new journeys set out upon. Now that 2008 is upon us, I have created a list of goals for the year. We'll see how it goes...

. Finish The Brothers Karamazov {Before May}
. Memorize Hebrews Chapter 10
. Start Running/Training {Not For A Marathon, For The Use Of The Shoes You Already Own}
. Create A Healthy Meal Plan {And Stick To It}
. Try To Eat Out Less {It's Expensive}
. Walk More
. Develop The Discipline Of Intercessory Prayer
. Learn More About Photography
. Take More Pictures {Print And Give Some To Friends...They Might Like Them}
. Journal {Private} And Blog {Public} More
. Don't Let Your Left Hand Know What The Right Is Doing {=Generosity – Increased and In Secret}
. Do Something With Your Guitar. Seriously – Learn Something
. Leave KY Again {It Worked Out Well Last Year}
. Camp/Hike/Backpack {Finally Use All The Stuff You Bought}
. Institute A True {As True As You Are Capable} Sabbath Into The Week
. {Try To} See At Least Half Of Your Most Wanted Concerts
. Graduate Your High School Guys “Successfully” {Don't Lose Touch With Them Afterwards}
. Find Peace/Purpose/Practicality In Regards To Work
. Drink More Water
. Develop A Daily Devotional Time {God Is Worth It}
. Finish Celebration of Discipline
. Finish The Screwtape Letters {And Finish Discussing It With Will}
. Less Is More. Get Rid Of Stuff You Don't Really Need {Practice Minimalism/Frugality}
. Continue To Practice Being Quick To Listen, Slow To Speak
. Continue Practicing The Art Of Silence
. Read More. Theology. Fine Literature. Newspapers. Magazines.
. Work On The Whole Worry/Anxiety Deal
. Learn To Trust God, And Others
. Practice The Discipline Of Patience
. Learn To Worship In Spirit And Truth
. Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People {Being Better Or Worse}
. Be More Intentional About Expressing Love And Thanks
. Strive To Win Your Lady's Heart By Presenting It Wholly To Jesus
. Be Honest With God {You Still Have Room To Grow}
. Continue To Broaden Your Horizons – Musically/Artistically Speaking
. Try New Foods, New Experiences, New Things
. If Nothing Else, Study These Books {Job, Ecclesiastes, Isaiah, John, and Revelation}
. Visit At Least Five Different Churches {Different Denominations, Different Demographics}
. Spend Quality Time With Family And Friends (Schedule It If You Have To}
. Meet At Least One New Person This Year {In An Intentional, Real Way}
. Don't Be Ashamed Of Who You Are – Celebrate God's Unique Creation Of You
. Take One Class At Seminary {Seriously, Just Try It Out – No Obligations}
. Live More Independently – Don't Be Afraid To Try Something On Your Own
. Ask More Questions
. Take A Seat At The Lowest Place At The Table {Cultivate Humility}
. Watch More Movies {Go Ahead, You Know You Want To}
. Delete Your MySpace Account. Log Into Facebook Less. Try Out The Real World
. Stop Being Embarrassed About Being A Christian Around People Who Are Not Believers
. Be A Really Good Roommate {Even If Kaleb Turns Out To Be A Bad One}
. Open Your Apartment To Friends, Family, Neighbors, And {As Appropriate} Strangers
. Make Top-5 Lists Relating To A Plethora Of Topics
. Make A Budget And Stick To It {Be Wise With Your Resources}
. Start Looking For A House And Figure Out A Couple Things About Life Before Buying
. Pray For Eduardo {At Least} Weekly, Write Him {At Least} Monthly {Send Him Polaroids, Too}
. Add More Stuff To This List {Try To Mark Some Stuff Off As Well}

Who To Choose?

2008-01-04T18:14:00.000-05:00

I'll admit that I am {very} out-of-step when it comes to staying current regarding politics. I'm as far as having opinions about things - which leaves knowing nothing about currently running candidates, their respective views, and whether or not I should even show up Election Day.

I found this nice little site {which is very well-designed, by the way}. It should, obviously, not be the end-all in regards to who you will support this year - but it's a good way to spark interest, to dip your toe into political involvement, and find out a little about the various players.

After taking the test, it seems I match up best with Barack Obama.

I want to investigate further before I make any decisions - but I'm definitely more involved now {than I've probably ever been}. Shame on me, of course - but at least there's growth potential - right?

That Song's Too Vapid.

2008-01-03T12:24:00.000-05:00

This article is a good read if you have found yourself, as I often have been, uninspired and wanting in regards to truth, beauty, and depth in Christian music.

Thankfully, I have found artists like Derek Webb, Michael Card, John Mark McMillan, and Mark Mathis to be a breath of fresh air when it comes to Christian worship and genuine musicianship. Of course these are not the only players worth mentioning - but are a few that have helped move me towards God in ways I wasn't always aware existed.

If we limit our musical expression of worship to specific feelings, too often, we run the risk of relegating our beloved tunes to the graveyard of baseness. All things are lawful, but not all things are beneficial.

I Wanna Be A Pagan!

2008-01-02T16:19:00.000-05:00

This book review highlights a lot of the problems I have been seeing in regards to "movements" within Christianity - focused specifically on ecclesiology (to the desire of total Church reformation). I think this quote sums it up pretty well:

[This book] will give ammunition to those who already dislike the churches they have encountered...

{emphasis mine}

Make no mistake, this review points out the implications not of the presence of some specific paper-bound item, but the hearts and minds behind it. As far as it raises good questions about our presuppositions regarding Church practice, etc. - I could agree it's worthwhile - but in the undermining of church history and tradition, I cannot consent.

It should be noted that I have not read this book, and am simply struck by seeing something in another realm that so accurately portrays problems I have witnessed in my own church community.

It is frightening how quickly the option has become either overhaul or division.

Self Aggrandizement

2008-01-02T09:39:00.000-05:00

Well, not entirely. I know that some people who read this blog do not necessarily subscribe to the daily devotions sent out by my church - so I wanted to make it known that my new batch is finally making the rounds.

Please check them out here.

As always, comments, concerns, etc. are appreciated.

A New Year - An Open Letter.

2008-01-01T23:59:00.000-05:00

To the saints, those called according to His purposes:

I adjure you, in the name of the Lord Jesus, to make peace with each other. Let there be found, within this Body, no quarrels, debates, arguments or dissension in either word or deed. Rather, let us stand against the rulers and principalities of this present darkness. I charge you, as ambassadors for Christ, to live the message of reconciliation both inwardly and outwardly. Let us live at peace with one another, and let us prove our words by our deeds. Let us live like the one we call Lord.

Division: Either/Or, Not Both/And

2007-12-28T11:23:00.001-05:00

It seems, to me, that the division of the Church has come from - at its core - adherents to two particular ideologies refusing to exist cooperatively. Rather than seeking genuine ecumenism - a schism occurs. The blade that cuts is Traditionalism (adherence to tradition, especially in cultural or religious practice) vs. Innovation (the introduction of new things or methods). In other words - saying "This is how it is, and how it ever shall be" vs. "New things are happening!"

I see God, however, participating in both these acts in Scripture:

Paul admonishes us in Hebrews (13:7-8) to "Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith," because, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." {emphasis mine}

On the other hand, we hear God speak through the prophet Isaiah (43:18-19): "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing..." {emphasis mine}

It seems there is a unification that comes from remembering the saints before us (imitating the successes of their faith) - firmly established in the unchanging nature of Jesus - mixed with the realization that God acts creatively.

Can tradition and innovation co-exist?

Links:

Refuse to Choose

The Primacy of the Imagination

New Stuff, New Year.

2007-12-14T14:05:00.001-05:00

I've been terrible about updating this little hole-in-the-web.

A new idea for the new year. We'll see how it goes.

Check back then (well, around then - January 1st-ish).

Ray LaMontagne - Forever My Friend.

2007-10-19T16:23:00.001-04:00

More LaMontagne goodness.

I Like Ray LaMontagne

2007-10-12T15:21:00.001-04:00

You should, too.

A New Narcissism?

2007-09-26T14:29:00.000-04:00

A very good article that dives into finding what positives and negatives might exist within the realm of online social networking. It is a long read, but very much worth it for any person who currently uses some type of social networking site or wants to understand the draw (and possible negative ramifications) of such places.

Virtual Friendship and the New Narcissism

Check-Lists And Bullet-Points.

2007-09-19T13:34:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking about freedom lately. What it means to live a life of liberty. Not having to watch my back. Not wondering if the scales are tipping one direction, about to drop me off.

I've also been thinking about the Bible. What is its purpose in our lives? I imagine its here for our benefit - but what is that? Should something happen in our daily(-esque) reading of the Bible? What?

Here's my writings, from my notebook, from this morning:

I've been thinking lately about the amazing, overwhelming amount of freedom that we have in Christ. This morning, as I was thinking about relationships and how best to "do them" (discernment, guidance, etc.) I wondered whether the Bible was ever meant to be a step-by-step "rulebook" or even a concise "guidebook" or if, in reality, God gives us broad statements like "love" and then lets us work out the details by trusting Him, listening to Him, walking with Him, and simply living. In this way, maybe the Bible is meant to introduce us to the person who will speak to us rather than the one who has already spoke all, definitively, for good.

My friend Brad shared a verse with me today, Hebrews 3:15, that I think speaks to this:

// ...[T]oday, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion. //

To those of us who have heard his voice, who have laid aside our causes for rebellion, there now exists a loving call to do, as Paul admonishes in Romans, what is God's good, pleasing, and perfect will.

That will is being revealed to us daily - if we would search for it in Scripture and listen to the Spirit who, even now, is speaking.

May the Lord give you wisdom and discernment as you seek to know his will for your life.

A Prayer.

2007-09-18T10:28:00.000-04:00

Father,

Give me ears to hear
And eyes to see
The telling of
Your majesty

Then my heart
Will surely be
Joy-filled
To follow Thee

In Jesus, I ask

The Conquering Lion.

2007-09-14T10:16:00.000-04:00

Lauryn Hill

// The conquering lion shall break every chain
The conquering lion shall break every chain
Give him the victory again and again and again and again...
The conquering lion he's gonna break all of those chains if you just let him //

Up-Down.

2007-09-13T10:02:00.000-04:00

Lord,
Lift me where i fall short.
Humble me where i stand tall.
I don't want balance, though.
I'm looking for abundance.

Vision Of You.

2007-09-07T10:42:00.000-04:00

from Shane and Shane - Vision of You

// Awaken what's inside of me.
Tune my heart to all You are in me.
Even though You're here, God come.
And may the vision of You be the death of me.
And even though You've given everything,
Jesus come. //

Trust.

2007-09-05T10:23:00.000-04:00

// noun. assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. //

Looking back on the past three years, I can see many times where God has given me great reason to trust him. In fact, in hindsight, it is a very easy thing to trust the Lord - to see his wisdom, faithfulness, and goodness.

But foresight is a completely different matter altogether.

There are things happening in my life, and coming up, where I completely realize that:

1. Situations are beyond my control.
2. I am powerless to change this fact.
3. I must make a choice.

I can retreat into the darkness of despair, anxiousness, fear, doubt, and self.

Or I can embrace joy by trusting the revealed nature and purpose of my God.

One of these is easier, but is also what I consider the wrong choice.

So. I will cast my anxieties upon him, because he cares for me. I will trust him for his daily provision and protection. I will believe what he has told me and shown me.

I will deny myself. I will take up my cross daily and follow him. I will put to death the negative, natural tendencies and embrace the sanctifying, spiritual realities.

I will trust Jesus. So long as he gives me a spirit to do so.

He Tells Me Things.

2007-08-22T22:42:00.000-04:00

Like tonight. On my way home. In the lyrics to "O, Porcupine" by mewithoutYou, he says:

// you have a decent ear for notes
but you can't yet appreciate harmony. //

And earlier in the day, through this article, he spoke.

And I can think of countless other times in Scripture where the message has been repeated.

Don't be foolish, child.
I love you, and all that...
but I AM God.
You play a very good game of make-believe.
Sometimes you even listen well.
But that doesn't work well to change much.
I AM still who I AM.
It's a good thing.
I promise.

It's a humorous image for me to see this great God hunched over, speaking lovingly, running after me - a little kid blissfully unaware that my diaper is full or about to fall off (how embarrassing), looking at some toy on the distant horizon, intrigued and determined to get there.

Humorous because it's very weird that the scenario is probably true.
Humorous because God loves me enough (for whatever reason) to be a Father.
Humorous in a wonderful way that makes you feel blessed, to laugh.

It's been a nice past week-or-so getting to know this side of my God.

Response.

2007-08-09T21:52:00.000-04:00

My reaction to the movement of God has been a question in my mind recently.

I know the theology: God is good. God is for me. God will (ultimately) be/do good to me.

I trust this. It's not simple. I'm not without fault.

But I wonder.

If I am elated when things are going well. When things seem to be working out. When blessing comes.

Living with a spirit of thankfulness. Prayer. Joy. Celebration.

Does that make me a hypocrite when I become bitter? Saddened? Depressed? Dejected?

When those dark nights of the soul come and I am no longer...

...in a spirit of thankfulness. The same thoughtful, thankful prayer. The joy. The celebration.

Can I be present in this immediate state of blessing? Devouring it. Loving it.

And face tomorrow when it comes?

Is that alright?

Pro-Diggity. No Doubt.

2007-08-05T19:32:00.001-04:00

You'll notice a red circle in the image above. Inside that red circle you will see a $25 Flickr logo.

Yes, that's right - I went pro tonight. I figured I would try it out for a year. I currently host all my shots on Flickr - and with at least 45 more pictures being uploaded tonight I thought it a good idea to get the flexibility of showing more than 200 photos (total), with more options for sets, resolutions, etc.

We'll see how it goes.

P.S. [Please Go To My Flickr Page And Say Great Things About My Photos So That The $25 Was Well-Spent] Thanks!

Celebration.Intro

2007-08-03T23:19:00.000-04:00

My wonderful friend Will purchased me a copy of Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster for my birthday. I started it this evening, going through the introduction slowly and surely, armed with a pen, underlining text left-and-right. I aim to be slow and methodical with my study of this book, hoping to foster in my life the "classic Disciplines" it speaks of. I will, Lord-willing, feature some sort of post on each portion as I am able to devour it. Below marks some quick notes, as well as my overall reaction to the themes outlined in the Introduction:

. "The finished product is the outcome of wide reading and careful thinking." -- (D. Elton Trueblood)

. "God intends the Disciplines of the spiritual life to be for ordinary human beings...[therefore] we need not be well advanced in matters of theology to practice the Disciplines...The primary requirement is a longing after God."

. "We simply do not know how to go about exploring the inward life."

. "The life that is pleasing to God is not a series of religious duties."

. "...inner righteousness is a gift from God to be graciously received. The needed change within us is God's work, not ours."

. "God has given us the Disciplines of the spiritual life as a means of receiving his grace. The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us." -- He gives us a gift and tells us to use it.

. "The path is fraught with severe difficulties, but also with incredible joys. As we travel on this path, the blessing of God will come upon us and reconstruct us into the image of Jesus Christ."

. "[The Spiritual Disciplines] are meant to bring the abundance of God into our lives."

. "Jesus Christ has promised to be our ever-present Teacher and Guide. His voice is not hard to hear. His direction is not hard to understand...We can trust his teaching...If we are willing to listen to the Heavenly Monitor, we will receive the instruction we need." -- 1 Samuel 3:9-10

Final Thoughts:

* Our central goal must always be the presence of the Lord - in our hearts, minds, and actions. He is the destination, to which the greatest path (journey) leads. Our focus must always be towards Him. Our affections for Him. Our allegiance to Him. Our success by Him. He is our great centrality.

Portrait.

2007-08-02T21:52:00.000-04:00

Here, very recently, I've wanted to try my hand at taking pictures of people. Most of my photography to-date has been devoid of human life. Not that there is anything wrong with either method - but there has been an itch in my viewfinder for a more "personal" aspect. I think people are very interesting...I just didn't think I had the chops to take pictures of them in a way that I considered "artistic" (candids are great...but I don't want to shoot them).

My friend Will was wanting a new picture for his blog and he asked me to snap a shot (or ten). I took advantage of the moment to try my hand at photographing flesh-and-blood. I'll be honest...I'm pleased with the results. (More on Flickr)

A Short Leash.

2007-07-31T20:52:00.000-04:00

(Thanks, Will, for continued conversation - and inspiration).

// What is it about me that God takes delight in? //

This may seem readily obvious to most (and I'll admit, I understand it myself in a way) - but if you were to peel back my life, removing layers of doubt, insecurity, hypocrisy, and the like - you would find that my biggest desire when it comes to being a Christian is to be loved. Not just by other people (because that's often difficult to find regardless of what you believe) - but by God. And not just some invisible thing out there in the sky - but by a personal, powerful, life-transforming, giving-each-breath-meaning person. I don't want God to be an idea, or a belief, or a being. I want him to be present. And in that presence I want him to treasure me. Not because I may deserve it, or earn it (due to, in my life, falling short in both cases), but...

...simply because he does.

That is exactly what I found when I first became a Christian. That is what called to me. What seemed beautiful without competition. What was worth becoming a different person. What made me a different person.

And yet I so often lose sight of a love like that. A simple thing, yet so profound.

Falling back into discussing theology. Or working hard. Or serving more. Or believing something different.

All of that good. All of that, at the same time, very distracting.

Now don't get me wrong. I want to please God. I want to love God back. Not because I have to. Or need to. Or am perfectly capable of doing. But because love is a great thing. It is a good gift. And I feel like this God I have an idea about - that I've seen and experienced - that I know (somehow)...he deserves a good gift.

// So...how am I loved (how do I remain in this love)? How do I love? //

Is it simple? Does it really come down to believing a check-list of facts? Does it come through adherence to a bullet-list of rules and regulations?

Or does it just exist?

Permeating all things. Broken and dirty because of this world it currently occupies - but still moving and fighting. Perfect (enough). Outside of myself (independent). Part of me (living, breathing, growing).

I'd like to believe that it is (easy). I see that, faintly - like a rising light on the horizon. Right after you wake from a slumber and your eyes are still masked by sleep. Blurry. Radiant. Understated. Often misunderstood.

Jesus tells me to follow him. I'd like to think I am. I'd like to think he has me on a short leash. For my benefit of course. I've got to be "free" because there's adventure and curiosity raging in my blood and bones. But I've got to be tied because I have no idea where I am going and I'm prone to wander.

Guide this man you Good God. I trust you.

Foolishness.

2007-07-30T13:44:00.001-04:00

I am a foolish man. Oft masquerading as the opposite.

The longer I live and the more I learn, the more I realize how very little I know.

It's a good understanding. One worth raising a glass to.

Here's to the realization of foolishness!

(My apologies to anyone who has had to deal with my - probably frustrating - supposed expertise).

Patience And Thankfulness.

2007-07-29T22:08:00.000-04:00

(Joshua Harris - thanks for the inspiration...and clarity)

Those who know me well know that I want to get married (eventually). I think marriage is a good thing. I believe it is Biblical. I also imagine myself being an alright husband because I feel God has given me admirable qualities and is working in my life to conform me to the image of his Son (who is the greatest husband of all).

Since I am 23, I think it is alright that I am not married yet. However, it has been a struggle in my personal life to both appreciate the fact that God obviously wants me single (since I am) while understanding, appreciating, and controlling my healthy attraction to the opposite sex and desire for relationship.

// I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. //

I don't believe Paul is dogging marriage here. If so, I would argue he's bad-mouthing a reflection of Jesus' relationship to us. Rather, I think he is pointing out the blessing of singleness - if that is the place one finds himself when on the journey towards Jesus.

A man, in relationship with a woman, is concerned about her well-being (mentally, physically, spiritually, etc). Rightfully so. This attention, however, often diverts the man's focus from God. Not necessarily in a negative way - because he can still love God and others by loving his wife faithfully; but there is a relinquishing of freedom: time, money, courage, solitude, etc. Again, not necessarily negative "losses" - but definite differences in perspective of singleness.

And so Paul tells men (and women) to seek the Lord in whatever situation they find themselves in - and to cherish that place until moved elsewhere.

// I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife...This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. //

And here Paul asks each person to evaluate where they are in life. Are the times profitable for taking on a spouse? Would it be dangerous? Would it cause unnecessary distress or distraction?

A person should not pursue any type of romantic relationship without the end (marriage) in mind. Commitment. Sacrifice. Service. Selflessness. Love.

Are you financially stable (fiscally-independent)? Are you taking care of your body? Are you growing (bearing fruit) in Christ? Are you taking responsibility for your life? Can you love?

Unless your answer to all of these is a definitive "Yes" - you probably need to be single. Not that the Lord will perfect you in all of these areas before blessing you with a spouse - but he's probably not going to give you charge over his son or daughter if you can't even take care of yourself.

So what is the point?

To trust God.

To be present each day of our life - thankful for breath and patient for the Lord's provision. The promise comes to those who seek him.

And so I am going to personally strive for this patience and thankfulness.

If there is a woman out there who finds herself wanting to marry me (hey, I'm not counting out the possibility), I ask you to search your heart to see what kind of person you are. Then, petition God to see what he has planned for you. Finally, I ask you to be patient while he brings us together (if that's his plan).

I'm getting started on my end of the deal.

Hey. Is Jesus Here?

2007-07-26T23:11:00.000-04:00

// Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' //

Larry is 50 years old. He lived in Northern Kentucky almost all his life. He used to install auto-glass. It was stressful. He lived in a nice house, drove a brand-new Jeep, and was married to a wonderful woman. The last five years before he ended up here were a little rough. He started drinking a little; then more; then it was a 12-pack every day of the week. He'd come home, turn on the cable in the basement, and watch and drink until time to go to bed.

He showed up here three years ago. Divorced. Fresh out of jail for a DUI. Going through a homeless-shelter program for recovery. It worked. He graduated, got a job, got an apartment. Things were great. Then he started drinking again. His brother offered help before - but he spent that jaunt back in northern Kentucky drunk. There's not much contact now.

// Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' //

Bobby has an awesome beard. He's much older than Larry - at least he looks it. The world and this life have been, presumably, very rough to him. He's a Vietnam veteran - wounded in action. He tells a story of entering into combat with a buddy of his. There's a grenade. His buddy covers it, dives on it. Bobby loses part of his shoulder.

Bobby and Larry met about a week ago. They've been hanging out since then. He (Larry) is trying to catch a bus to Louisville tomorrow. He's married - but there's a Native American girl up there who is in love with him. He says she wants to marry him, but he's not like that. She'd just be a great help. A great hope - to get off these streets.

// And the King will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' //

People who have lost almost everything will teach you what matters. Things like food, avoiding fights, and a good night's rest. They'll teach you that liberties can just as quickly become curses. That a bottle of water can open the door to conversation.

// A toothbrush and some toothpaste. A $10 McDonald's gift card. A Bible. Socks. First-Aid Kit. Kleenex. Hand Sanitizer. A couple bottles of water. 30-minutes of my time. //

That's what I left with Larry and Bobby. $30 and 30-minutes. I've spent more than that on the pictures that hang on my wall at work. It's very simple to see which is more important when you have a bit of perspective. That perspective comes when you take a moment out of the rush to sit down, give a couple guys some water, and ask their names.

// [Jesus asked] 'Which of these...do you think, proved to be a neighbor...?' [The man answered], 'The one who showed him mercy.' And Jesus said...'You go, and do likewise.' //

Stalker-esque.

2007-07-25T08:20:00.001-04:00

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am often fascinated by my human counterparts. I tend to believe we are incredibly complex creatures. Add to that my general, constant state of curiosity - a desire to know - and you can find me enjoying such things as: people-watching, picture-taking, social-network-profile-checking, etc.

I was perusing Blankenship's blog this morning and found this beauty of a Flickr pool. No doubt hours of, probably better spent, time are ripe for the searching through of such (seemingly) meaningless fluff.

Here's to finding out what various people carry around with them daily.

A Lovely Bride.

2007-07-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

I am thankful for Derek Webb's beautiful lyrics for the song "The Church" on She Must and Shall Go Free. Every time I come around to this final track, I am reminded of both the commitment of Jesus to His Chosen Bride and the importance of that relationship.

// I have come with one purpose
To capture for myself a bride
By my life she is lovely
And by my death she's justified //

Few things frustrate me more than the massive disunity that exists within the Christian Church (universal). There are so many denominations (read: divisions) that one could easily become confused as to who believes what, and whether anyone agrees with anybody else. We are certainly not pursuing unity - and I honestly believe this is to our shame.

// 'Cause I haven't come for only you
But for my people to pursue
You cannot care for me with no regard for her
If you love me you will love the church //

In my past (and present) I have been very vocal about the shortcomings of various Christian "entities" - including my own church. I think my heart was looking for the right thing (unity, Christ-centered theology, love) - but I needed to be reminded of something - the wonderful, powerful, jealous love Jesus has for his Church - and that Church includes not just myself, but my church - and various others that are deeply flawed.

// I have always been her husband
Though many lovers she has known
So with water I will wash her
And by my word alone //

I believe, now, that instead of being critical of other churches - "she has a blemish on her face; her hair is messy; her clothes are old and dirty" - we should look at them as fellow parts of Christ's bride. Our goal should not be reformation for it's own sake - but should be embowered by the Spirit of God to wash and cleanse his bride...presenting her without flaw for his return to wed her.

// I have long pursued her
As a harlot and a whore
But she will feast upon me
She will drink and thirst no more //

Paul calls the relationship of marriage a mystery. He says it relates to Jesus and the Church, his bride. The imagery becomes even more confusing, and intense, when we hear the words of Jesus - telling us to eat his flesh and drink his blood. Is this, though, not what we are after? That we would consume to essence of our lover - becoming one with them. That their life-blood would heal us, sustain us, and give us life?

So I pray that we turn to our bridegroom and beg him to come to us - to give us himself - that we might feast upon him, becoming one with him. And in this unity we will find a great covenant - an unshakable lovingkindness - that will be our life and love for all time.

Here is to our bridegroom, for choosing us - great adulterers - to be his bride.

Do Not Just Dream. Do.

2007-07-23T23:00:00.000-04:00

C.S. Lewis restarted my understanding and desire to move with his wonderful quote about moving "from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing." Repeated conversations with friends about being more than just good theologians - but actual doers of the word - facilitated the need to be above complacency and inaction.

And yet I find myself in the same pit. A fire burning in my mind and soul, with my legs seemingly set in stone.

And so, as it seems to be with all matters of my faith recently, I search for the simple practicality of it all. What small steps can I take, day-by-day, to...simply...move? The answer I keep coming up with is to look to the author and perfecter of my faith: Jesus.

His practicality was to meet needs. But not just physical needs, because everything is spiritual. There was a wholeness to his miracles and his work. He would heal the sick, raise the dead, teach the unlearned, love the downtrodden, forgive the sinner - but he would also point to repentance - a changing of the mind and heart. Mercy, love, service, and the like were not just personal, political, or religious obligations - they were matters of deep, spiritual commitment, revival, and character.

You are the overflow of your heart.

And Jesus was like no other at revealing the true nature of peoples' hearts. Even those who were marvelous at hiding behind piety - covering their blackened hearts with skin-level, self-righteous works - could not fool Jesus. They were fools.

So I don't want to even start trying to play that role.

So I am praying for an overflow from my heart to my will. That the things I agree with, or consider worthy...beautiful...correct...Christ-like - those things will become who I am and what I do.

Here is to walking the path oft only perceived.

(Just) Five Things About Jesus.

2007-07-18T22:19:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by Will while on vacation, and I'm at a place now (mainly, home) when I can think about my response.

Without further ado: 5 Things That Make Me Feel Like Jesus Is Pretty Cool

1. He knew one of his friends was going to stab him in the back, his closest buddies were going to desert him, most people were going to hate him, and that his life was going to be 33 years of suffering, and still chose to come to us.

2. Regardless of how often I screw up (very often, for those who don't know me), how bad of a job I do representing him, and the fact that I was partly to blame for him dying, I still get an overwhelming feeling he loves me (and wants me).

3. I have found that living like Jesus (while extremely difficult and sometimes painful) really is the best way to live.

4. All of my questions/doubts/rebellion, that remain even after becoming a Christian, cannot stand against him.

5. Of the many great things I've seen and done in this life, nothing calls to me with such beauty and love like Jesus.

And, to go along with the flow, I ask these five people to send me their 5 reasons:

. Christen
. Joshua
. Karen
. Vic
. Dotty

One More Shot.

2007-07-18T00:42:00.000-04:00

I'm up late. Listening to (and re-living in my mind) the Dispatch show. So, one more from NYC.

New York Five.

2007-07-17T21:34:00.000-04:00

5 Things I Really Liked About NYC:

1. The view from Empire's 86th floor.
2. Coffee in Greenwich Village (wish I could have spent more time there).
3. Subways.
4. Central Park (wish I could have spent more time there).
5. (Almost) everything being at least 5-10x bigger than I'm used to.
6. Dispatch, Live (This isn't really part of New York, so I'm not counting it against the 5).

I'll have some shots on Flickr (hopefully) by the end of the week.
These few will have to tide you over.

Fours.

2007-07-04T22:02:00.000-04:00

Inspiration = Joshua Longbrake.

Four Things I Am Thankful For, Right Now:

. Jesus (I don't care if it sounds typical, I honestly believe he has changed my life - and will continue to)
.. Freedom (It is not free...and I am thankful that I am learning to see that)
... People That Love Me (I often feel very alone, and these people remind me that I am not)
.... Life (It is a wonderful, beautiful, complex, crazy thing)

Four Things That I Love To Do (Right Now):

. Photography (This form, and all art for that matter, has changed my perception and perspective on life)
.. Read (It's starting to become something important to me again)
... Write (Again, a once loved pass-time that went dormant is slowly re-awakening)
.... Ministry (I love loving people and meeting their needs, however I can)

Four Musical Artists I Currently Appreciate:

. Muse (Complex, Atmospheric, Talented, Appreciated)
.. Thrice (Heavy, Light, Lyrically Astounding, Musically Phenomenal)
... Phil Wickham (New, Rich, Mood, Soulful)
.... Silence (I've been without music in my car now, on purpose, for almost 40-days. It has been wonderful)

Four People I Admire (Who Have Online Web Things):

. Will
.. Joshua Longbrake
... Daniel John Ott
.... Brad (OK, he doesn't have a web address...but I want him on this list)

Four Things I Want To Do By The Next July 4th (But Might Not Accomplish):

. Write The Great American Novel (I've got an idea I think just might work, but we'll have to see)
.. Go Backpacking / On A Road Trip (For more than a weekend or a couple miles)
... Love Well, Live Well (My goal for year 23 of my life)
.... Get Married (Why not?)

Four Things I'll (Hopefully) Definitely Accomplish By The Next July 4th:

. Buy A House
.. Leave KY At Least Twice
... Start Running (i.e, exercise)
.... Be More Involved With Ministry (Taking things more seriously, investing more; possible occupation?)

Four Places I Want To Be (Or Go):

. Poor Richard's
.. Europe (Specifically: Italy, Ireland, U.K., Germany, France, Spain...)
... The Place Talked About In Hebrews 13:14
.... Anywhere With Friends (and/or) Family

One (More) Thing I Am Thankful For:

. You (For reading all of this)

Questions.

2007-06-18T13:35:00.000-04:00

I've had several drafts sitting around for quite some time. Most of them were simply questions that I had written down to remind myself what I was thinking about at the time and to facilitate brainstorming when it came time to compose an entire post.

Rather than let those questions sit around any longer, and because at least one person happens to be frustrated by my lack of updates for the past few months, I'm going to put all the questions down here (to possibly facilitate discussion). I've also added some new questions at the bottom that have come up here recently.

Feel free to comment with your thoughts/responses:

. How would we live if we knew everything we did, in private or public, would eventually become common knowledge? Would our lives change if we realized that, at some point, all our thoughts and actions would be displayed for all to see?

. What is the deal with relationships (speaking primarily of romantic relationships)? Why do we so strongly seek them? What is God's plan in this? His promise(s)?

. What is patience? And why is it so hard to attain? Why do we want to be patient? What is the appeal? How (practically) can we be patient?

. How would our perception(s) be changed if we had the opportunity to witness our lives, and the lives of others, through God's lens? Are our perceptions biased, or skewed, because of circumstances or preconceived notions?

. Are our dispositions to label things "right" and "wrong" echoes of the fall (and the introduction of the knowledge of "good" and "evil") - of not looking outside ourselves (to God) for the determinations? Is this labeling a form of judgment?

. Is calamity and pain (God's) wrath? Or warning? His punishment? Or correction? How do our perceptions of God's wrath need to be validated or examined when looking to Jesus on the cross?

. What is our perception of God and his relation to sinners ("unclean")? Does he draw near to such people? Can he coexist with them? How are our perceptions sustained/changed when looking at Jesus?

The lowly God.

2007-04-23T23:37:00.000-04:00

I think, at least for today, that one of my favorite things about God is the fact that he is not afraid to stoop down; to take a position much lower than what he rightfully deserves. I don't think I fully understand , but it is very beautiful to me.

Monday evening, against the urgings of my body to head home and vegetate, I traveled to a local outreach that my church is partnering with as part of a plan to step beyond the walls we so often forget separate us from the very people we are called to love and support. God had been working on my heart for a while, so the beginning of this week marked the time for my body to follow suit.

I wasn't overly impressed when I finally found the place. The parking lot is big enough for three cars, if one person parks in the handicap spot. There is no ornate sign designating the location; in fact, I passed by it once before having to double-back. My first thought was "This is only a small headquarters. Nothing of great importance (with this organization) happens here."

I entered into the building and greeted a man waiting in a seat in the reception area. The entire building was vacant. Within moments another man emerged, shook my hand, and invited us back into a room surrounded by out-dated computers, an old piano, and a - from what I could gather - dysfunctional organ. There was a big-screen projection t.v. against the wall. We sat at a table facing it.

The man introduced himself, asked a few questions, and began to lay out the details of what the organization was about, its history, and where we might fit in. The entire time he spoke I felt embarrassed. Not for myself, but for this building and everything in it. I felt as if I was taking part in a first-time marketing scheme for some business venture that would never break ground. He showed us a 5-minute video that did little to ease the awkwardness.

After a tour of the facility, including the numerous rooms under construction, he brought us back into the meeting room and inquired about our desires for volunteering - who we were, where we were gifted, what we wanted from this experience. I shared with him about God's movement in my relational life - fostering a desire to love and encourage people. As he talked with the other (only) person who showed for the meeting I felt stuck...I was going to have to volunteer here, somewhere, out of obligation now.

And then God changed me.

I looked around the room and stopped feeling so embarrassed. It seems the smiling faces of the real people in the introductory video had finally burrowed their way inside of me. I thought about the big-time organizations spending millions of dollars to fix the wrongs on this broken world. My heart broke. Everything here (in this world) is still broken.

And I wondered to myself what God was going to do with this little rag-tag organization that seemed very unprofessional. Very ill-equipped. Suddenly, very powerful.

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.
And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."
(Philippians 2:5-8)

He who was God, is God, became nothing. Humbled himself. Died.

This humble God can do anything he wants. And I am of the mind that he wants to change the world, in some distinct way, through a little, unassuming building and the people way over their head inside it.

I hope to be a part of this.

Devotions, Part Two.

2007-04-23T09:57:00.000-04:00

I was blessed with the chance to write another set of devotions for Southland. This time they are on the topic of understanding the role the Holy Spirit plays in the life of a believer. Hopefully they will be an encouragement to you.

Click Here To See Them.

Note: As stated with the last batch of devotionals I posted - these writings are property of Southland Christian Church.

Virginia Tech. (Thoughts)

2007-04-17T13:54:00.000-04:00

Of all the things I have read since the unfolding of events at Virginia Tech, I think this is quite possibly the best explanation and best argument for our next step.

From: Desiring God Blog

"While others are already making the Virginia Tech massacre a political issue and looking vehemently for someone to blame, let us remember that “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9).

Our hearts and the murderer’s.

No x-ray machines, revised gun laws, or fired college presidents will solve the problem. We need new hearts (Ezekiel 11:19, John 3:3). We need Jesus."

Regardless of one's religious or spiritual disposition, I would argue this as truth - we need new hearts. We can shift blame to a variety of things - video games, dysfunctional relationships, gun-control, etc. - but what made that man kill yesterday was something dark within himself. All these other things, if anything, simply facilitated it. We must change our hearts - who we are - to change what we do.

I urge everyone to be silent, at least for now. Use this silence to pray - for the families of those who lost lives yesterday. For the identified shooter's family (who will no doubt enter into just as tumultuous times soon). For our own families and friends who weren't involved, but just as easily could have been.

Remain silent until the right time comes. And in that time let your words bring forth not hate, or blame - but love, encouragement, forgiveness, and support. The people who are left behind do not need increased campus security, or amended laws, or political and social speculation. They need the intimate, personal support of a community and a nation. Let us be that support.

Just Another Friday (?)

2007-04-13T10:07:00.000-04:00

They told me I wouldn't do it. My honor was at stake.

Don't Miss It!

2007-04-11T23:52:00.000-04:00

Thank the Lord for thunderstorms. For when you face such things, experience such power, you become blissfully aware of the truth of Scripture.

"The heavens declare the glory of Him"
For if such are merely thoughts
and quick works of his hands,
Than what but majestic is this God?

I quickly think to "The Reaping" and it's catchphrase - "What hath God wrought?" - as if the plagues of God represent him fully (as if the people who made this movie even understand the God who drafted those scourges). I imagine this is the case (because I can see it clearly in my own life right now). We see and experience things in this obviously imperfect world and that naturally calls into question the goodness of God (if he even exists to us). We are quick to forget the grandness and ability and beauty of this God of April thunderstorms - holding steadfast on present, but momentary, feelings of doubt and question.

Thankfully, that is exactly what they are - temporary. Because long after the echo of this campaign against God's shown might - the heavens (made new and perfect by his hands) will continue to eternally tell of his Beauty. And I tell you the truth, his beauty is good.

The storms and the clouds passed.
and in their wake left clear, clean, star-filled skies.
The storm was temporary (the storm is temporary)
I could see (I can see) the stars for the first time
since the storm began
My God, are they beautiful.

Empty.

2007-04-08T02:33:00.000-04:00

Take heart, my friends, he is not just risen - but exalted.
Come near, my friends, the invitation is not closed.
His arms wide, his love beckoning, his embrace strong.
Forget what lies behind, see him before you.

I am grateful for quick morning stops like the one I had this morning at Waffle House. The food was terribly unhealthy for me, the coffee worse than I remember, but the moment of solitude in the company of fellow late-nighters a definite blessing. It was during this "meal" that I remembered today is Easter.

The significance of this day is just now starting to shine in my heart (and I say to my shame that this is not my first Easter knowing Jesus). I find it remarkable that I am just now taking hold of what a living Lord means. What a real God means. How that impacts my life in ways I never knew, nor (sometimes) wanted. I'm grateful that some of the walls are coming down.

I'm afraid to go to sleep in the next few hours because I know tomorrow I'll have to get up early to head to my grandmother's house - and that means I'll probably be my normal, cranky self. I'll be tired. I'll have sleep through the euphoria of late-night, homeward-bound revelations from God. It scares me I'm so fickle about something so incredibly important.

So I hope two things. One, I hope that anyone who might read this (and especially those who won't) will see Jesus this year. Maybe not today, but sometime before the end of 2007. I pray that he will be beautiful to you. He is glorious and I am just now waking up. I've still got those sleepy eyes that are sensitive to the sun and caked with slumber.

Two. I hope you make the decision to trust Jesus. I still feel awkward writing stuff like this, but I can't help writing the truth. I know it sounds - well - stupid. A fairy tale. A myth. A stupid religion. Whatever else.

I believe it and I love it. More accurately, I believe Jesus and I am falling in love with him.

May we all be resurrected this year.

Worship Arts Conference, Day One.

2007-03-29T22:29:00.000-04:00

Thoughts from the Worship Arts Conference @ Campbellsville University - Day One:

The conference has actually been going a lot better than I imagined. This morning was a great time for worship. I had been feeling very reserved and also a bit dejected when it came to the act of worshipping God through song (at least corporately). I had a bad attitude, a numb attitude, sometimes an indifferent attitude. I pleaded with God to meet me there (in the past, and definitely this morning), to give me a time of joy in the music and singing - and he did. It was a great release. So you can have an idea, I was even moved during our rendition of "Amazing Grace" (I know, it MUST have been a big deal). That's not to say that tomorrow it won't all be back again - but there was a definite moment of peace and love and joy and it was wonderful. Praise Jesus for that!

In the main sessions we've been going over the idea that it is alright, even appropriate, to have an attitude of lament toward God. Looking at the example of Job, we can see that even though, in the end, Job realized he was in error and repented - his lament was real and was, in essence, a driving force that moved God to come near. The idea being presented is that our lament is a real communication with God - and in fact can be a worshipful experience. There's a lot of detail (ask if you'd like to check out my notes) but it has been very eye opening. I feel like I have spent the (almost) three years that I've known Jesus in a Psalm 13 place - and while there have been times of escape, it's been a real experience of lament. It was nice to see that I'm not a horrible Christian for being there. It was also a very hope-building encouragement to know that God loves me where I am at and even desires to draw near (and has, and will in the future) to restore and redeem me.

Another thing that I thought was really amazing was the idea that we need to stop looking for provision and need to start looking for presence. There is a beautiful illustration in Job (9:33) where he talks about longing for a person that would place his hands on the shoulders of both Job and God - to be a mediator to their relationship - a present, intimate, tangible expression. That idea/longing is made real in the person of Jesus. Such a wonderful picture of connection - I wish others could see it.

The breakout sessions were also very upbuilding. The first I travelled to was about leaving behind all our preconceived methodologies for "doing" Church and replacing it with a solid cause that we could follow and invite others to follow. The Great Commission was the key text, and the speaker outlined in various stages what Christ accomplished and made possible for us through his resurrection. This has actually been a hot topic lately with the "Lost Tomb of Jesus" controversy, so I had been doing some reading on the topic. I wholeheartedly agree that the resurrection is the "foundation" of a moving faith - of true discipleship and purpose. "If the resurrection is true, everything changes."

The second breakout was on the topic of Christian counseling and how the language of lament can empower us to serve others, even in their darkest times. The issue of counseling has been big in my life because there have been numerous times where I felt like God has led people to me so that he could love and support them through me. It is a very humbling and scary place to be in (because I am grossly underqualified). While I don't think I have a direct future in counseling, I know that being a minister of Christ is a call to counsel others in truth, love, and (hopefully) healing. It was also a time of "healing" for me in again hearing the truth that being in a state of lament and depression does not equate disbelief, faithlessness, or failure. Sometimes pain and sorrow are real things in our lives. We often experience things that are unspeakable (or that are difficult for us to speak) and there must come a time when we release that. God "cannot" love us or heal us until we are able to release that which most affects us.

One thing that stood out to me as I was writing this synopsis was Michael Card's point in that the only thing God requires of us is ourselves. It is when we reach the end of everything we have, and the only portion remaining to offer is our pain, weakness, and brokenness that we have what God actually desires. Looking to David in the Psalms (51:17) we see that true sacrifice is our innermost being (Romans 12:1?) and that this is a pleasing gift to God.

Sometimes all I've had is a broken heart. It's nice to know that I might have been closer to God in those moments - closer to offering him everything he desires - than when I felt puffed up in pride about my Christian piety and marvelous faith. I've never been over-zealous or massively-faithful towards God in the first place - but I have had the love and admiration that leads to a "pain" and "sorrow" in the loss of his presence.

I am lovesick for you, God. And hopefully that is exactly what you require of me.

Be Displaced.

2007-03-27T21:45:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately, I won't be able to make the Invisible Children "event" this year - but I can promote it to the best of my abilities.

Click the link below to find out more information - and if you have some free time, sign up and participate.

If this is anything like Global Night Commute it will be absolutely amazing.

INVISIBLE CHILDREN - DISPLACE ME

Example Versus Wonder.

2007-03-25T13:47:00.000-04:00

Just finished watching a video of an excerpt from (I believe) John Piper's message on marriage. The topic of the clip was that application of a text does not change people, but glory does.

Through multiple conversations with friends, study, and revelation, I have come to the same conclusion. We are not, as a people, changed (for the better) by bullet lists, examples, challenges, or commands. While every one of these things serve a purpose, they are not the foundation of our betterment.

We were made to behold beauty and wonder. Unfortunately we have exchanged the real beauty and wonder for worship of self, cars, houses, each other. There is beauty there, but it pales in comparison to God.

Check out the video below and send me your thoughts:

"Unintentional" Worship.

2007-03-23T21:56:00.000-04:00

I've been worshiping God through Copeland's album "In Motion" for the past week and it has been very nice. After a conversation with a friend last night about freedom in worship, and thinking a little more on what I have been enjoying lately (specifically in the musical art of worship) I had the following desire:

I want to seek Jesus in the unconventional. I want to admire him through the untraditional.

But I need some assistance - and that's where you (the reader of this) come in. I need new music. So I am issuing a challenge on two fronts.

1. Please send me recommendations of generally good music. In fact, forget that - only send me word if it is exceptional. I need something new and fascinating and wonderful to put in my ears. I care not what genre it comes from, as long as it will be extraordinary.

2. If you are a believer, send me recommendations for songs not common to the worship mold, but that speak truth and cause a genuine admiration for Jesus. If it's from a Christian artist, fine. Secular? Even better. I want something that will send me deep.

Multiple songs would be better - the more the merrier.

Thanks.

The Other Person.

2007-03-20T23:14:00.000-04:00

As might be an obvious statement from my most recent posts, I have become fascinated with people as of late. It dawned on me, somehow, that other people exist in this world (not just me). These people have intrinsic value. They have stories. They have histories. They live and breath and move in the very world I do. While I am off doing my thing, they are in the same present reality becoming who they will be.

So I have been trying to adjust my often self-centered world-view to accommodate the other multiple-billion humans who occupy this planet with me. It's a step-by-step journey, but it's fascinating and rewarding.

This evening I had the pleasure of spending a couple hours of life with my cousin at Panera. She had soup in a bread-bowl. I had cheddar cheese melted on sourdough bread. I also had a coffee (they have good coffee there). We spent those few moments together talking about life - school, college plans, relationships, spirituality, truth, etc. She has seen a lot of things in her 17 years that have shaped her into a marvelous woman - she enjoys the arts, she values the elderly, she humbly receives advice and instruction. I admire her.

We parted ways and I felt blessed for the interaction. I was able to give up a few hours of my evening tonight and share in the life of another person. It was great.

Then, I had a chance to swing by my friend's house. I don't see this friend often, but care deeply for him and his family. My goddaughter is incredibly cute - she wore her princess dress around the house, talked a lot, and drew a wonderful(ly horrible) picture of me with happy eyes (after I had her erase the picture of me with mean eyes). It was good to be around my friend again. It was nice to take him to a gas station for a pop. It was fun watching videos of laughing babies on YouTube.

I think tonight was a tiny representation of what living for and loving others looks like. It was such a simple thing for me to spend time with these people. It demanded sacrifice, but it was small and easily overlooked.

I need more times like this in my life. And I hope that I can have eyes to see opportunity and wonderful occasion when they come along.

The Other Person is so intriguing. When I am able to shut up, be still, and listen - their story is such a wonderful thing to hear.

To An Unknown Girl.

2007-03-18T16:53:00.000-04:00

The mewithoutYou show last night was pretty spectacular - but first, an aside:

I don't know your name. You were at the show last night with two other girls. You were all standing behind me in line waiting to get in. I was talking with the two guys who got coffee from KFC. I lost contact with you during the first two bands, but then you showed up right behind me in the crowd when mewithoutYou came on. You were wearing a white beanie. When the crowd opened up I was able to move you forward a bit. After the show you turned around, smiled, and went back to your friends (who were right behind me). I never got your name. If you ever happen across this, I'd like to know it. And if you live anywhere feasible for me to travel to, I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee.

Aloha turned out to be pretty fun. I was pretty far back when they came on, so I didn't have a good view (I'm also pretty short, so all the tall people in front of me ruined my vantage). They were very laid back, a bit eclectic, and good fun for an opener. I was hoping they'd set the mood for the evening (relaxed) but I was wrong.

Sparta was amazing - but I am glad they played second because I came to the show for mewithoutYou. I had made my way up in the crowd a bit, so I had a good space for their set. The crowd ended up going pretty crazy during a few of their songs - but I was generally pleased to see it was "old-school" moshing and movement rather than the hardcore, ninja-kicking, hurt-people crap I've faced at other shows. I will probably end up purchasing Sparta's new record, and I recommend you do the same.

mewithoutYou was an experience. I have wanted to see these guys for quite a while now, but never had a chance because they never play anywhere close. I will now be willing to travel a bit longer for a chance to see them again. Multiple favorite tracks played, Aaron going crazy on stage, free-form presentation - it was great. I wish their set had been a bit longer, but alas, it wasn't to be.

While watching them play I was brought back to the idea that we all worship something. Seeing people dancing around, shouting, throwing their hands in the air, and singing every lyric (myself included in some cases) - I realized that we are very passionate people. We love experiences. We gravitate towards art, towards emotion, towards excellence. I always enjoy "people watching" because I think people are fascinating and I am really trying to understand the complexity of their existence. Last night was a wonderful foray into the lives of some very interesting people. It was a good experience - not just for the music.

While I am not necessarily looking forward to all of the driving that will be required, the first weekend of April will be fun. I'm hoping to arrange my schedule and resources so I can spend some time in Cincinnati while I am there (more than just showing up for the shows each night). I'd like to find a nice part of the city to walk around (close to the venue, Memorial Hall) and definitely a coffeehouse or two. If you live in that area, or know that area, and have any suggestions - drop me a line.

Why?

2007-03-15T23:55:00.000-04:00

I've been in a very inquisitive mood lately. It started a while ago and pops up every now and then. I like questions. Questions inherently create...conversation, reflection, inquiry, etc. I like all of those things.

I was eating my lunch outside the other day - watching cars pass by, getting a chill from the wind, enjoying the sun poking its rays out through the cloud cover. Thinking, with my journal open and my pen at the ready, I started to let any and all questions have freedom. I wound up with...

There are so many people that drive by Southland everyday - do they know Jesus? What are their lives like? Are they happy? Are they hurting? Do they need someone in their life? Do they want someone? What about all the houses across the road? Do they come here? Why? Why not? Why is a church right next to us? Do we need another church? How can we work together? Should we work together? Why do I like questions so much? Who answers? Why? Why does that answer matter? Can other people answer? Should I listen?

I've been trying to remodel my world-view and it has proven to be less than simple. If you've read Blue Like Jazz you've heard this before, but it's true - equate my life to a movie and I am the biggest star. I am in every scene. The entire movie is shot through my eyes. My perception, good or bad, right or wrong, affects the story.

How do I make it a good story? How do I make it a story worth watching? How do I make it a story worth immersing yourself in?

So many people pass me by everyday - and every one of them is unique. Every one of them has a lifetime of experiences that has shaped them into the person they are. They are amazingly complex. They are not just set pieces.

How do I involve them in this great story? What part do they play?

So many questions.

5pm!

2007-03-09T14:39:00.000-05:00

I was made for days like today. It is absolutely beautiful outside and I get off work an hour early!

I find it amazing how my attitude and mood can change simply by walking outside on a nice, sunny day. I've been a bit melodramatic the past few weeks - much darker than usual. But, as soon as I set foot outside this afternoon to head to lunch things have certainly turned around.

I am so thankful for the change in seasons. My life tends to fluctuate with each one - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. While I am, at least for today, in a "brighter" place - I am also thankful for the winter months when I can face a lot of the darker stuff in my life and try to work through the things that tend to get me bitter, angry, or depressed.

Tonight I am looking forward to coffee, maybe some ultimate frisbee, and community with someone I've been eagerly anticipating spending time with again. We'll see how the evening shapes up.

Hopefully your respective climate is as positive as this one.

Hopefully you can grow in the cycles and changes our natural world invites us to be a part of.

(Another) E-Mail.

2007-03-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

We were talking yesterday (briefly) about honesty and emotion in our relationship with God. Yesterday afternoon, due to various life situations, I got a little frustrated, a little depressed, and a little angry. For a couple nights I’ve been just listening to music on the way home, being honest about my intentions to “run away” from situations for the 20-minute drive. Last night I allowed myself to “be angry” on the ride home, and then remembered a lot of the anger I had before-Christ and now living with Christ (not towards him). It felt nice to be angry (even if the honesty of the emotion did not make it alright to be angry).

Anyway, all that to say that last night I came to the conclusion, and wrote in my journal (which makes it official!) that Christ gave, has given, and gives me hope. I thought a lot about people who were like, “Jesus saved me from alcoholism...Jesus saved me from depression...Jesus saved me from...” and I always felt like I didn’t have anything. I felt like I was a pretty good guy. I didn’t party hard, and when I did party I liked it (I didn’t want to be saved from it). When I got angry, I let it go. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Ever since I started this whole journey with Jesus I have had hope. When the world just totally pisses me off and I want to burn it to the ground, I hear Jesus telling me to love them and to have hope that things might get better. When I am all sad because whatever is happening in my life is not to my specific liking, I remember Jesus telling me that things are going to be bad, but that he is bigger and better than all of this.

I talked with Vic today and he kind of affirmed some things for me. I didn’t want to be saved. I didn’t really even think I needed to be saved. I’m still walking that journey where I realize how horrible I really am – how much I deserve punishment – and how happy I should be that I am not going to receive it. But I am saved and I think that’s a pretty great thing.

Just thought I’d share that with you.

Prayer for Gracie.

2007-02-28T14:16:00.000-05:00

A sick and suffering child. A family bereft. Small words for such a large situation:

In the hush of His silence, we may hear the echoes of His faithfulness.
With the rains and the floods our foundation is tested.
He changes everything.
Suffering becomes the glorification of obedience.
Helplessness encourages holy dependency.
Fear and doubt are but predecessors to courage and faith.
Sacrifice and loss are changed into our great reward.
Blood, sweat, and tears are spiritual offerings.
Nothing goes unnoticed.
Our God is good and acts with powerful mercy towards us.
How great are His promises.
A just wrath traded for unmerited grace.
Rebels made sons and daughters.
The far off brought near.
May the Spirit shine light.
Illuminate.
Soften.
Open.
Eyes and hearts and minds now enamored with the beauty of Jesus.
Forgetting what is past.
Never anxious about the future.
Wholly grateful for the chance to live presently.

We're All The Same.

2007-02-27T22:12:00.000-05:00

As I was sitting in church a few weekends ago listening to our senior minister reading from an e-mail sent to him from a proclaimed non-believer, a lot of thoughts went through my head. The culmination of these was a stirring realization that we, as humans, are inescapably alike. Peoples' pains, their choices, their needs - many of them mirror my own struggles, desires, and actions. A fact remains across the barriers often placed by religion and culture - we are all human. I take it a step further to say that we are all image-bearers - made with purpose, valuable, images of something much bigger than ourselves. Some, it seems, just don't know that.

And so I listen as this message is read - filled full with sweeping imagery (not unlike my own destitute writing from years past). There is a very apparent longing - for connection, for release (peace), for hope, for change. I feel blessed now, as I look back, to see that this woman and I are so very connected - and I feel a great guilt that I am not able to be a part of this person's life - a restored relationship, a mend to separation.

Reading through Mark Driscoll's "Radical Reformission" the other night (specifically Chapter Three - ) has shed a lot of light on the importance of community and relationships in our lives - whether they are personal and intimate or passing and broad. Romantic. Friendly. Kind. Deep.

We are a people who were made to be connected and our separation is killing us.

First and foremost I believe we have been separated from God. Not many people would agree with me here because it seems, specific to current culture, that not many people believe in God. I take this a step further, "weeding" out even more "supporters" I may have to this conclusion and say that we have been separated from Jesus - a very real, very powerful, very perfect representation of love and connection. Oh that the world's eyes (including my own) would be opened to such a glorious sight.

Second, and probably most agreeable across the board, we have been separated from each other. For whatever reasons - whether it be our evil choices and the consequences that follow, or the unintended repercussions of another's actions - we are no longer connected to each other. We need to be close and intimate with each other, but we are afraid it might not work, so we build walls - further complicating our efforts to connect. This continued construction does nothing but further prevent us from reaching and loving each other - forcing us into isolation, and possibly even worse, apathy.

Some people get this - they see this rampant detachment that plagues us. They're trying to help. Trying to tear down walls and build relationships back again. These people often go by the name counselor, or therapist. Sometimes they go by the name associate, confidant. Other times it is acquaintance, or friend. They have even been known as brother, as parent.

I have to believe we are trying. I just get frustrated by the lack of success.

So how can I, personally, bring hope to a very dark world? A world that fears both loneliness and rejection. A world that has in its building and complacency almost become oblivious to its perishing.

I'm going to start by hugging people. And I am going to have to be intentional about this. People need touch - they need embrace. I can't do much to meet this deeply - but I can hug you.

I am going to talk to people and do my absolute best to uplift them. Not because they are perfect. Not because they need something to boast about. But because I love them and I want them to be happy - and when you tell someone they are beautiful, or that you love them, or that they take really nice pictures it makes them happy.

I'm going to pray. I'm going to beg my God that he not leave us broken.

What Are You Afraid Of?

2007-02-18T13:34:00.001-05:00

Reminder.

2007-02-12T16:46:00.000-05:00

New Year Goals.

2007-02-07T13:33:00.000-05:00

I'm a bit late getting these up. I've had the list sitting as a draft for over a month now. Thankfully, I've actually seen some growth in numerous areas. Please continue to pray for me.

. Walk More
. Eat More Fruits and Vegetables
. Listen to People When They Talk (Memorize What They Say)
. Dedicate Time to the People You Love (And Those That Love You)
. Dedicate Time to the People Who Don't Love You (Or Know You)
. Dedicate Time to the People Who Hate You (Or You Hate)
. Talk to, with, about God (Alone and in Public)
. Spend More Time at Common Grounds (And Other Coffee Houses)
~~. Just Trust God and Sponsor A Child (Stop Stalling)~~ (Completed January 5, 2007)!
. Make it a point to pray for above child daily. (Added 02-07-07)
. Study the Old Testament (There Is Treasure There)
. Study the New Testament (Who Is Jesus?)
. Take More Pictures (Print More. Give Away More.)
. Learn to Be Comfortably Silent (Or Just Silent Regardless)
. Write More. Journal. Blog. Whatever. Just Write.
. Read More. Theology. Fiction. Newspapers. Magazines.
. Get the Guitar from Under Your Bed. Dust Off. Learn to Play
. Leave KY At Least Once. Preferably More Than Twice.
Planned: New Orleans (August-ish)
Planned: New York, NY (Dispatch Show, July 14, 2007)
. Be Courageous
. Find Out Who You Are
. Camp, Hike, Backpack, Run Away More
. Truly Rest (Don't Just Vegetate)
. Listen to More Music (Not Just Your Favorites)
. See More Concerts (At Coffee Houses and Beyond)
. Stop Worrying About Girls
. Truly Lead Your High School Guys (Mentor, Disciple, Encourage)
. Stop Procrastinating At Work (God Doesn't Pay You to Be Lazy)
. Be More Generous Than in 2006
. Be Honest With God
. Acquire and Maintain Sexual Purity (In All Its Facets)
. Stop Watching So Much T.V. (Or Stop Totally)
. See If You Can Live Without the Internet (Aside From Work)
. Volunteer More, Even If Its Out of Your Comfort Zone or Preference
. Drink More Water
. Stop Being Worrisome and Anxious
. Move Out Of Your Parents' House
. Exercise More (Ride a Bike, Take a Run, Lift Weights)
. Devote Time to God Daily (Hourly, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly)
. Worship Without Reservation (And Without Regard to Self)
. Clean Out the Tangible and Intangible Junk in Your Life
. Patience Is A Virtue
. Seek Solitude
. Seek Community
. Seek Jesus
. Add More Things To This List

Liars Go To Hell.

2007-02-06T11:48:00.000-05:00

I was visiting thelongbrake.com (checking for any updates) and I decided to click through some of his recommended links, starting with Finding Rhythm. The newest article was entitled "A Failure of Biblical Literalism." The argument presented was a comparison/contrast between Exodus 1:15-20 and Revelation 21:6-8. In Exodus we see two women who lie to Pharoah to spare their own lives and the lives of the male children they refused to murder. In Revelation, we see that liars have a common destination - Hell. A question was raised: "So if I am supposed to read these scriptures literally, then what are we to believe in regards to the fate of both Shiphrah and Puah?" (Since they lied, and liars go to Hell, are they there right now?)

All this got me to thinking...who goes to Hell and why? So I went down the list of offenses in Revelation: cowards, unbelievers, murderers, idolaters, liars. And then it kind of hit me:

"And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Corinthians 6:11)

If you look two verses before this declaration you will find almost the exact same list: adulterers, thieves, drunkards - all of which are marked to not inherit the Kingdom of God. That is, unless they are washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of Jesus.

So the question to me is no longer "Do (insert sinful offenders here) go to Hell?"

The question is, "Who isn't washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of Jesus?"

The practicing (habitual continuance) of sin is an outward manifestation of inward disbelief in the Son of God - proclaimed to be the only source of reconciliation with God (and thus eternal life) - see John 14:6, 17:3. Our foremost argument should not be on the complexities of morality, the effects of sin, or the "external" interpretation of Scripture.

Our questions should be: Who is God? What has he revealed? What is our response?

Anything else seems to me to be a waste of time that only leads to problems (see Titus 3:9).

Sound(s) About Right?

2007-01-30T13:53:00.000-05:00

At work we are going through the book "Now, Discover Your Strengths." Along the way you are asked to take a test that uses your responses to try to capture five dominant strengths. While I maintain my skepticism with all of this, the results I got do look rather close to the perceptions I have of myself. We'll just have to see how these "strengths" play out in my day-to-day life and occuptation.

.Input –
(Inquisitive, Interested, Collector, Acquirer, Compiler)

.Ideation –
(Fascinated with Ideas, Creative, Original, Conceptual, Smart)

.Intellection –
(Like to Think, Exercising Thought, Introspective, Reflective)

.Developer –
(Find Potential in Others, Challenge Others, Confidant, Helper)

.Belief –
(Responsible, Altruistic, Spiritual, Ethical, Dependable, Prioritized)

Dream Big.

2007-01-14T16:55:00.000-05:00

I feel a bit embarrassed that tomorrow will most likely be the first Martin Luther King, Jr. Day where I actually take time to reflect on the man and his accomplishments. I have only recently begun to look into his works, and I have only recently had eyes to see the dramatic effect he had on our nation. I just finished reading a great message by John Piper. It was specifically about interracial marriage, but the broad topic that it hits on - our equality in Christ - is certainly worth checking out. Also, once you've taken the time to read through that, click on the picture below for a transcript and video of Mr. King's most infamous speech.

Pale Blue Dot.

2007-01-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

I think another great name for this post would be The Infinite and the infinitesimal.

Many of you might have already seen this, but I think it bears repeating. The astronomer's comments at the bottom are also very good. We seem so big when we look through the lens of our own eyes, our own perception. Thankfully, every now and then, we have the chance to step back and be humbled.

Click Here For the Pale Blue Dot

My faith in Christ, and what that specific moment in history represents, only makes this a larger statement. The Holy of Holies, which is magnificently greater than us, placed Himself in this universe, and much more, onto that pale blue dot. It blows my mind to think of what that actually signifies. I have the Gospel, I have many explanations - but I have not wisdom nor knowledge to understand.

He, like millions of others, was born, breathed, lived, died, and was resurrected on this little dot. The great I AM became like me to save me. You. Anyone who would say, "Yes...I will have your salvation."

Be reconciled to God. His brilliance is far greater than the void that surrounds our "great" blue dot.

Run Away.

2007-01-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

Since it is never acceptable to pull a "no-call, no-show" - make sure to let your boss/work know...but, do not go in tomorrow. Wake up late. Eat something bad-for-you for breakfast. Drink a cup of coffee (even if you don't like it). Put on dirty clothes (right out of the hamper, or right off the floor). Get in your car. Start it. Roll down the windows (it doesn't matter if it's winter). Insert a CD into the player (hopefully you have a CD player, and hopefully the CD you put in is good). Now drive. You don't have to know where you're going, just drive. When you get there (and you'll probably know where there is by this point), park the car and just sit. Be silent. Now get out of the car and be loud. Run around; flail your arms like a madman. Sing a song. OK, get back in the car. Put in another CD. Start driving again. Find a mountain. Find a hill. Find some elevated spot away from everyone and everything. Get out the disposable camera you bought on the way here. Wait for it. The sun is about to go down. Get bored. Take some pictures of random things. Start taking pictures of the sunset. Run out of film. Sit. Marvel. Relax. Enjoy. Go home. Stay up way too late watching movies way too bad to waste your time on. Wake up early. Take a shower. Dress in clean clothes. Go to work. Realize that yesterday you were alive. Realize that you're also alive today. Enjoy.

Devotionals.

2007-01-07T00:30:00.000-05:00

I recently had the privilege of writing a week's worth of devotionals for a message at my church about exploring the depths of God's love.

Below, you will find the link to the page where they are located. If you take the chance to read them, let me know your thoughts. This was my first real foray into writing something for the church that is widely used and distributed, so any helpful advice is appreciated (especially if I get the chance to do something like this again).

Please note, these devotionals are property of Southland Christian Church, not myself. As such, I cannot grant any right, nor do I give permission, to reproduce or distribute them by any means. If you, for some reason, have the desire to do so - please contact Southland Christian Church with your request.

Here's hoping for your enjoyment and growing devotion to the Lord through these:

Southland Christian Church Devotionals - Exploring the Depths of God's Love

(If for some reason the link does not work, please comment or email me and I will attempt to fix the problem.)

That's My Boy!

2007-01-05T10:59:00.000-05:00

So, one of my new year's resolutions was to stop stalling, trust God, and ~~adopt~~ sponsor a child. I'll admit my reservations: I was worried about where the (small amount of) money I was going to be giving would be truly going; I was worried that this type of support was only a band-aid to a dramatic global condition - that what I was doing wouldn't amount to a hill of beans in this world. I'd never done anything like this before. I wondered whether my money would be better spent supporting the homeless, the widow, and the orphan here locally.

But I wanted to trust God. I wanted to put my money where my mouth was and take the step of faith that my measly dollars could actually improve someone's life. That I could enter into this sponsorship and pray for this child and that God would actually move in their life.

And so I just got done giving my information to World Vision. I'm now a child sponsor.

I'm not going to post his picture here, yet, because I don't know the "rules." But I can tell you that my boy's name is Eduardo. He lives in Nicaragua. He's seven years old. He likes to paint.

So I'm supporting an artist. Who lives in a country whose main export is coffee.

Seems like divine appointment to me :)

If you would - join me in praying for Eduardo, and for all the children who might not get sponsored today (or ever). Pray that I will stay committed to this journey. It's exciting - and I hope for all the best.

Email.

2006-12-28T01:14:00.000-05:00

It's a bit late, I'm somewhat tired, and here's an e-mail I just wrote to my boss:

Subject: Man, It's Pretty Late.

I just got finished writing the devotionals and sent them off to... Hopefully they're what she's looking for. She said she would publish them regardless, which I guess makes sense because otherwise she'd have to write them herself or have no devotionals. But, I guess it's also dangerous in that she asked me to complete them...but she can't be faulted for that because she doesn't know me that well.

Anyway - I was on webmail and got the urge to write you, so here I am. I'm listening to John Mayer sing, very well actually, about how we suck a whole lot because all we do is wait for the world to change. Pretty deep stuff, if you ask me (and then stick around to hear my opinion on it). But, as of this moment, all I really have is opinions - so I guess I haven't done much to help the world to change, other than releasing hot air (from all my talking) - which might have contributed to global warming...which actually hurts the Earth.

Oops.

But, hey, in my defense they've done some studies that suggest that cow flatulence might actually be more harmful for the Earth (as far as global warming is concerned) than man-made things (like automobiles and Trevor's opinions).

Have a Great Day at Work, Buddy!

-tdurbs

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-22T12:04:00.000-05:00

I probably won't get back into blog-mode until after Christmas, so I figured it would be nice to send this out beforehand.

(The reason the text looks funny on the post-it note is because I had to write everything backwards. No grief, please)

That About Explains It.

2006-12-21T13:02:00.000-05:00

Unsolicited Advice.

2006-12-19T23:26:00.001-05:00

How amazing would it be for someone much older and wiser than me to put things into perspective?

(Just thinking out loud).

5 Things.

2006-12-18T14:25:00.000-05:00

To go along with the trend my two friends started with recent posts, I present:

5 Things You May (Or May Not) Know About Me:

1) I Love Office Supplies - I have no idea why, but I gather much joy from an outing to Office Depot, Office Max, or even the office supply aisle of WalMart. I love pens, paper, notebooks, organizers, little-colored-dot-stickers you put on things at a yard-sale. I like to have business cards made - it makes me feel important. I like to sit down at all of the desks and act like it's either my home office or I work somewhere really important where owning a metal-glass desk hybrid is acceptable.

2) I'm a Hypochondriac - I can't watch shows like E.R. or House because it freaks me out. One time, there was this patient on House who ate ham and contracted this crazy virus and almost died. I stayed away from ham for a little while after that (you can't avoid ham forever). I'm not insane about germs, but I do often self-diagnose illnesses that I "have" and often worry about diseases I'll probably never get.

3) I'm an Extremely Picky Eater - I can go to almost any restaurant and find something I like, but often times it requires specific instructions (no onion, no pickle, no sauce of any kind). I also avoid trying new foods because, sometimes, the very thought of it makes me ill. I have no idea where this developed from, because when I was a child I used to eat sticks (we have the pictures to prove it).

4) I Wanted to be an English Major - For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of the written word. I used to write short stories, poetry, and works of fiction all the time. I even thought I would go to college to study English and become a writer. But, as time went on and I got more involved with technology, my focus changed. The creative spark is still present, though...so we'll see where it leads.

5) I Used to Live With a Pig - We've had countless dogs over the years (currently three), a couple hamsters, a ferret, five or so goats, and a pig. The pig's name was Pumba. He was a pot-bellied pig and he lived in our house. He was like a dog, except larger and not canine. He was potty-trained better than our current dogs and loved to roll over and have his belly rubbed (he would actually fall asleep/become paralyzed at times). He lived outside of our house for the last few years of his life and grew awesome looking tusks. He was an awesome pig until the end.

Doxology.

2006-12-14T14:59:00.000-05:00

Thank You, Lord - for your gracious gifts to me.
Those tangible, those not seen.
Those received with thanks, the unfortunate forgotten.
Thank You for treating me better than I deserve.
For Your limitless patience and overwhelming love.
That I know You, and continue to know You.
Have mercy on me in my weakness.
In all things bless me with Your presence.
Help me to be forever Yours.

Make a Snowflake.

2006-12-10T21:16:00.000-05:00

Want to support charity this Christmas but don't have the extra cash laying around? Just click here and you can have fun creating a snowflake which, as more and more people let loose creatively, raises the amount donated. So simple.

And just to help get those paper-cutting ideas flowing - here's my little masterpiece.

Lessons Learned.

2006-12-04T19:03:00.000-05:00

I thank God that He uses the most mundane of situations to teach me great life lessons. The realizations are often spectacular, and teamed with the unexpected activity of the time, often collaborate for good story telling.

I get home tonight, drop my junk off in my room, and head back into the kitchen. Our three dogs (pug, pug, jack russell) are waiting eagerly for my return because, they are sure, it means lots of treats and hours of attention. The jack russell is "my" dog - which equates in this family to my giving her preferential treatment over the other dogs. She's a bit high-strung and often nervous, but I love her.

Anyway - we have a ton of those dog barrier gates set up to limit the location where our dogs can have accidents. Every time that I, or any person, gets close to a gate - our dogs jump up and run the other direction. Too many times my leg has kicked one of these over and scared the crap out of them - thus instilling for all future visits shear dog dread.

Once I get past the gate, I am free to instill upon the dogs all the love I can bear to release; no amount of ear scratching, belly rubbing, or other dog-related service is too much with these three.

But, tonight, as I am trying to use two hands to love three dogs the jack russell isn't cooperating...she's standing a bit too far off for reach - so I beckon her closer. As I reach out I say, "Come a bit closer, I can't love you unless you come closer."

And it hits me...God has said the same thing to me...to us. He beckons us to come close to Him to receive all that He is - all His love, compassion, mercy...Him. And I wonder why we wouldn't jump at that opportunity. And then I think of my dogs.

I don't come to God because I don't really trust Him. I mean, I do - but there is always that concern in the back of my head. Far too many times I've been scolded by God. Is He calling me close for love, or for discipline? Am I approaching Him correctly? What about these other dogs around me?

And no matter how many times I assure our dogs - they still run away when they see me coming from behind that gate - even when I hold out my hands in love and speak gently to them while crossing. That same cautiousness appears even in the most tender moments between us.

And so tonight I was reminded that God is calling out to me, telling me to come close to Him, to be embraced, to be loved - and to see my (oft) reaction to it. And I got a true taste of what it feels like to be rejected - to offer love to a response of reservation.

Neither was especially sweet, but both visions were very appreciated.

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.

Public Declaration, Part Two.

2006-11-30T12:24:00.000-05:00

In regards to my previous declaration, I will let the Word speak for itself:

"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps."
Proverbs 16:9

My naiveté amazes me sometimes.